Type of audience: Everyone I presume but mostly those daydreams out there
So Its an interesting outlook on life. I see it put together in a song to make much more sense. Its something that most people go through but they try to overcome it or just bury the feeling deep inside of them.
Alright, So you have something pretty good here. All you need to do is convert it into a manner in which your readers can take it in and remember it. You could definitely put it in a form of short story or a poem. Anything that you feel comfortable with. Because right now all I see is narration which tbh isn't bad but as I said your readers should be felt with a sense of shudder coming out when they read it.
Overall, it is an excellent piece of writing, I hope to see it evolve into something bigger in fact.
A perfect children comedy. Something they would surely enjoy. In fact, It makes a perfect bedtime story for kids. Its simple and easy for them to understand. It doesn't involve a lot of characters which can divert their attention in grasping the characters rather than being involved in the story.
Some thing to keep in mind, Editing it to make it more in tune with the flow who make more sense. Like I can see many places where the sentence is left incomplete and then continues on the next line. Small things like this can go a long way.
In conclusion, This would make a perfect children's bedtime story and would keep them engrossed in the few characters and would demand more from the story line.
The story is actually very interesting. I loved it all through the middle. But then the end was a wee bit disappointing. None the less it was a very good story. It had a great use of vocabulary and the flow of the story was also consistent.
I don't know why but I was expecting more from the ending. Just a personal thing probably.
Overall It was amazing and I hope read more from you. Keep Writing :)
A very interesting piece of writing. I am still reeling in the thought the empty space of our dream world and all the greatness our mind can perform. I really enjoyed your work. It left me thinking and that's what a real writer does. Leaves the reader thinking about what he had read over and over again. Its just perfect. Your style of writing was amazing. Plus the use of imagery on your poem was unreal (seriously). I am still thinking what could have made it better but I cant come up with any. Its truly great. One question though, why is there sooooo much space left at the top? Like is there some meaning to it or what.
Very interesting story, I must say. Kinda reminds me of my time at the Dentist.
It has great use of words. The story is very narrative which makes it all the more interesting. Even more interesting is the question you posed whether money buys happiness. Really sets the person thinking I must say.
However, I did find quite few grammatical error (not to sound like a grammar nazi). The story loses its drift in the errors. I feel the story is all the more interesting but a couple grammatical errors kills the flow.
Had a delightful time reading it. Hope to read more from you.
Amazing piece of work. Reminds me of the time I used to rule my world :D. The transitions in the poem were quite smooth. I liked the choice of words. It was quite amazing. The imagery used was also good (yes, even the image:D). Hope to see more of you. Cheers and Keep Writing!!!
Hahahahahaha. I am laughing my butt out here :D. This is amazingly awesome. The guy was telling his reality but it sounds like a funny joke to us. This is the greatest comedy for me today, thanks to you. Great transitions I must say. Hope to see more of your funny stories. Cheers and Keep Writing :D.
Yeah I think there was a manual for that :D. Anywho's amazing descriptions but needs improvement, cuz if a heavy topic like this is taken then there are no bounds to the flow!!!Cheers and Keep Writing.
AMAZING. I just kept reading the poem again and again. It was very nice. it have very good transition and great use of words. But punctuation marks help the reader to read the poem is a proper manner. Cheers and Keep Writing.
Nice and very beautiful imagery. But in the stanza "A war torn county"---shouldn't county be country ---yes/no. Otherwise It's a very beautiful poem. very nice transitions. Cheers and Keep Writing.
It was a truly inspirational poem. But it kinda reminds me of the movie "The Bubble Boy". Anywho's you should really get this published. I kinda don't know if it is a continuation or but a stand alone poem. Great job with the vivid language. Cheers and Keep Writing :D
Couldn't have said it better. It felt like you were in going deep into the character. You had very very very gud transitions from one part to another. It was nice to know a little more words which could help me on my SAT. In the whole, this is a very nice and inspirational essay. Cheers and Keep Writing :D
Nice. But it envoles too much yourself rather than a case study or an inspirational story or sumthing. Anyways, It has very nice transitions but could use a little more of its background. Cheers and Keep writing!!!!:D
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So Its an interesting outlook on life. I see it put together in a song to make much more sense. Its something that most people go through but they try to overcome it or just bury the feeling deep inside of them. 
Alright, So you have something pretty good here. All you need to do is convert it into a manner in which your readers can take it in and remember it. You could definitely put it in a form of short story or a poem. Anything that you feel comfortable with. Because right now all I see is narration which tbh isn't bad but as I said your readers should be felt with a sense of shudder coming out when they read it. 
Overall, it is an excellent piece of writing, I hope to see it evolve into something bigger in fact.
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