First Impression: Beginning: It was great! Ending: ...Pretty confusing. It's like things are just coming out all of the sudden from no where... like the poisoning and well... it was just confusing.
Spelling, Mistakes, et Cetera: "His laugh was too laud and Debra felt claustrophobic..." - do you mean loud?
"‘You can ring my be~ll. Ring my bell!’" - I take it the ~ is not supposed to be there...
"She felt her eyeslids being closed by the warm hand..." - eyelids
This isn't really a mistake, I just don't really get it..."Without make-up, she could pass for a woman in her twenties. Unfortunately, this morning she knew she looked even worse for wear." ... and how old is she?
Another thing I'm confused on is: "she restrained herself from running in there and causing a scene." - so he really was cheating, she just didn't think, or suspect it was happening? Because it never actually said she had left... or that she actually seen them until there...
Format:
Perhaps try the {indent} tag? For Example - instead of how it is now, it would look like:
“You wish terrible and horrible things to happen to him. You want him to pay for what he did to you. Am I not correct, Missus Shipman?”
Debra squeezed the handkerchief in her hands tightly and struggled to contain her impatience. She couldn’t believe Brenda, her best...
Maybe put the first break right after she gets off the phone with her husband instead of where it is now, since the little bit after it goes along with the next part... or maybe add in her actually getting off the phone because after Abdullah is mentioned there is no more mention of her husband, and then put the break after "Or so she thought." since it seems a little odd to start a part with that... *hopes that made sense*
What I Enjoyed:
Well, it started off pretty good, the first half was great for the most part.
What I Didn't Like:
The second half. It didn't really seem to follow anything, there was nothing to foreshadow, it's just like BAM! and things don't seem to fit in.
Characterization & Dialogue:
Pretty good. Except there was no connection from the beginning to the end. The people were just all of the sudden, different, it may as well have been another story.
Plot:
It starts out good... but as I said, the ending just doesn't seem to fit.
Other:
I really think you have something good started here, the idea is good, you just have to piece it together in a way that the reader can follow.
Rhyming:
The only time it was off was with "calm" and "harm" in the third stanza.
Idea:
Love the idea for this poem. A poem to remember the harm caused from the London bombings about a year ago.
Suggestions:
The first stanza seems a bit off. It's a different style from the rest of the poem. I would suggest trying to fit it with the rest of the poem by not letting lines run into each other.
"One year along
London is strong,
will not be cowed, let terror cloud
judgement. We will gain; Life will remain
good.We will pray,
For all those that day. "
Overall:
3.5 - pretty good, but the first stanza just sticks out too much from the rest.
Mistakes:
Under Groups, third line down: "If you typeCSI and click..." -- missing a space between 'type' and 'CSI'.
Things I liked:
It's good how you take the time to explain each way to use Google, and do so in a straightforward, easy to follow manner. And how you use color to break it up a little, so it is easier to read.
It seems that there is a good chance people would believe in the religion they were taught in the country they are from. I mean, it's likely the reason that they believe in te religion they do today: it's the one that they're taught.
Unless of course they are atheist or agnostic or something, they may still not believe, or not sure what is out there, but besides that I'm sure they wouldn't believe in whatever they believe in today, unless of course it's the same religion or they studied religions and decided to convert.
I'll take anything to write with! Computer, pen, pencil. Believe it or not I've used tinted lipgloss on a piece of tissue! Anything as long as I don't loose the thought I was thinking.
I can't tell you how many times I've kicked myself for not having something to write with when a good thought made it into my head!
It's so sad to see that many people close it out without reviewing!!
I mean, if it's that bad then people should give the writer ideas on how to improve.
It's interesting though... if someone has many views versus not so many ratings, why? Perhaps it would be a good poll to do - Different reasons for closing out of an item without reviewing.
I find it sad that you did not include an option for those who do r&r bad work - for I am one of what seems the few amount of people who do so.
If something is poorly written, you should offer constructive criticism - this is a supporting site, the review option is exactly for that, to support via criticism. We help each other out, or at least we should.
You know what? Poetry is most definately your strong point. I have very much enjoyed this poem and your other one. You definately have talent and should try and put yourself out there more, perhaps on the "Shameless Plug Page" if you have not yet.
This was entertaining. A very interesting read - though I am not huge on football - but I am a Buffalo native, haha. But really this was pretty good. It could be better with little changes here and there, but nothing too huge. Good job, keep up the greatness.
Wow. Simply and complete- wow. Now, I thought that I have read good poetry before - but this, this is just beyond most of all that I have read. This was so great. Perfect, I noticed no mistakes and there is nothing to change.
This is a masterpiece. It deserves recognition. YOU deserve recognition. I am so surprised to see that this has no ratings! Yes, I see it was put on just yesturday, but still if people want to read something written so beautifully, then they need to read this.
This deserves a standing ovation and nothing less, in fact maybe more. This was beautifully written. I can adopt your pain through this. This is a wonderful way to express your loss. I'm sure where ever Betty may be that she would be proud to have this written after her.
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"His laugh was too laud and Debra felt claustrophobic..." - do you mean loud?