Wow.....if that were the inside cover of a book, I'd want to read it. Fantastic job!
The only things that are keeping you from a 5 are "I think you may have seriously hurt my hands." and "They are very severe, and possibly permanent." These sentences just need to be reworked. At the moment they are too choppy, obvious, and cheapen the reader's experience.
Aside from that.....KUDOS :)
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