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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good morning and happy Sunday! My name is Jessica and I'll be reviewing Of Time and Winter for SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Please remember these are only my opinions, take whatever you find helpful!

First Impressions:
Woah, I really like the philosophy of this piece. It shows me that although the tree doesn't love the parasitic vine, it is a way of life for the tree - much like old age to us. I really like the metaphor you use in this; beautiful!

Overall Thoughts:
I could tell you really planned this piece and it works wonderfully! I found no grammatical or mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey to readers.

Rating:
*Staro* * *Staro* * *Staro* * *Staro*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the great work and write on! Have a wonderful day! "Relocation Dream Sequence"  Open in new Window. by Grateful Jess Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of An open door  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, good morning and Happy Birthday! I'm Jessica and I'll be reviewing An open door for SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Please remember these are only my opinions and take whichever you find helpful.

First Impressions:
I really liked the philosophy at the beginning of this piece. It describes my current predicament well. That's what drew me in; I think the philosophy is the strongest part of this piece.

Overall Thoughts:
Is this a teaser to a story, memoir or a poem? It seems unfinished because it just ended abruptly. I want to know more, I want to see a resolution. I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey to the readers.

Rating:
*Starbl* * *Starbl* * *Starbl*

Final Thoughts:
This isn't a bad start to a piece. I believe it has a lot of potential, just keep working at it and WRITE ON!

 
STATIC
A Poem to Monoxide on Happy Day Open in new Window. (ASR)
A poem for Monoxide (Twiztid) about my love on International Day of Happiness (3/20/14).
#1982883 by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and good evening. My name is Jessica and I'll be reviewing Our Gift of Speech for SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Please remember these are only my opinions and take whatever you see helpful. :)

First Impressions:
Welcome to Writing.com! This is a great community, as you have seen. I joined 8 years ago and love it. You capture the wonderful people of this site well, as well as the role of a general writer. I like how you put in Bible passages, although I consider myself more spiritual. I thought it worked.

Overall Impressions:
I like the rhyme scheme of this poem, I think it works well. I found no mechanical or usage errors, it looks good to me. However, it wouldn't hurt to go back and re-read to make sure you're conveying all you want to say. I also had to look up the passage; perfect usage!

Rating:
*Starbl* * *Starbl* * *Starbl* * *Starbl* * *Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Wonderful! Keep up the great work and write on! Have a great evening.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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54
Review of Satisfaction  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und Guten Abend! I'm Jessica and I'll be reviewing Satisfaction. Please remember that these are only my opinions and you can take them where you see fit.

First Impressions:
I really liked the opening of this poem. I really liked the rhyme scheme and I didn't find it too distracting (then again, I do like some rhyme). I thought this would be a perfect poem for an older child or teenager because it gives them a message of hope and how to be satisfied with what they have.

Overall Impressions:
Like I said, I thought the beginning was perfect - strong opening and strong rhyme scheme. However,it started to fall apart in the middle. I did like the message of the poem, but I noticed you broke the rhyme scheme and that was distracting to me. I believe you should keep the rhyme scheme uniform and stick to it throughout the poem. Because I was distracted, I lost track of the meaning and had to re-read again.

Rating:
*stargray* * *stargray* * *stargray* * *stargray*

Final Thoughts:
I did like your writing style and I can't wait to check out more of what your portfolio has to offer. Keep writing, even when you're tired... you'll surprise yourself. Have a great day and WRITE ON!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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55
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! I am Jessica and I'll be reviewing GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS - REDUX.

First Impressions:
I really liked this piece. It was interesting to think of the fairy tale in these terms. It's kind of funny, actually, and I like how it sort of lost its innocence. I also thought you had great characterization and could picture this well.

However, I didn't like this part:
Baby Bear’s class teacher, Miss So Knotty Bear (yes, she is Korean, we pride ourselves on having the best international faculty), caught him swiping food from his bench-mate’s tiffin-box.

I feel like you could get rid of "...Miss So Knotty Bear (yes, she is Korean, we pride ourselves on having the best international faculty)..." You don't really need it.

One question: what is kedgeree? Is it a food or a spice?

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying everything you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep writing! I can't wait to see more from you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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56
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo and good afternoon! My name is Jessica and I'll be reviewing A Special Holiday Guest for Simply Positive.

First Impressions:
What a clever little poem! I love the rhyme scheme as well. I thought this piece was very creative and well thought out. Hurrah!

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go back to proof it because you might be conveying something you don't wish to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! Happy holidays!

Please review my item:

 
STATIC
Kyle Open in new Window. (13+)
Sometimes I wonder what happened to Kyle; oh how I miss him!
#1908333 by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hallo and good afternoon. I'm Jessica and I'll be reviewing Creation Myth- "Rain" for the Simply Positive Group.

First Impressions:
This is an interesting piece. I like how you created a fictional person to listen to the story, but I'm not sure if it was needed as I don't know the guidelines that your teacher/professor wanted. I think what you have is a pretty solid myth, but the way you set up names and how to pronounce them doesn't sit well with me. I don't think you have to put the phoenetics in, the reader can figure it out. :)

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go back and reread it; proof it to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts
Nice idea for a piece! I wish you well grade wise; keep us posted! Write on!

Please check out my piece
 
STATIC
Kyle Open in new Window. (13+)
Sometimes I wonder what happened to Kyle; oh how I miss him!
#1908333 by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
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Review of That's you  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo and good afternoon! My name is Jessica and I'll be reviewing That's you.

First Impressions:
I thought this was a well written poem that expresses longing and loss all at once. It's hard not to feel this in our lifetime. I love the passion and emotion of this piece and it hit me right in the heart. However, I found places where it was a little wordy and punctuation might help it. Also, I noticed in stanza 3, the rhyming doesn't match the other stanzas. You might want to check that,

Mechanics:
Remember, these are only MY opinion, feel free to regard or disregard them.

That’s you <--- I would bolden the title, underline is optional

What if I told you love can be deathly unkind,
Searching for someone whom you may never find,
Further falling into a rut to this daily grind,
Constantly having someone consuming your soul's mind,

I’ve given frequent thought to the mornings that we share,
Your laugh and smile; I get so lost inside your stare,
I see you through a tunnel; this darkness needs a flare,
Just a shimmer of light signaling that you might care,

As I walk this earth completely lost in dream,
Will there be a way to maybe see this through, <---- This whole stanza doesn't match the rest.
I can’t contain myself I really want to scream,
It’s not a single trait, it’s your everything that’s you,

Times hands are moving{/c:red}, they’re quickly passing by,
The sun is setting on the story of you and I,
Although without a hello can you have a goodbye,
If I said I didn’t want more would it be a lie,

The future is very difficult to forecast,
Nothing constructed in today is built to last,
Maybe one day I will smile looking on the past,
Ten years is forever, yet it vanishes so fast,

As I walk this earth, completely lost in dream,
Will there be a way to maybe see this through?
I can’t contain myself, I really want to scream,
It’s not a single trait, it’s your everything that’s you.

Of course, I would suggest reading over it again to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts
I thought this was a well written piece with a lot of emotion. Keep up the good work and write on!

Please check out my piece:

 
STATIC
Kyle Open in new Window. (13+)
Sometimes I wonder what happened to Kyle; oh how I miss him!
#1908333 by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
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59
Review of Once Was An Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Guten abend! I'm Jessica and I'll be reviewing Once Was An Angel.

First Impressions:
This poem is awesome from a nine year old. I really enjoyed this piece. It reminds me of my grandma; I have a feeling all grandmas are angels. I like the rhyme scheme and how it is broken with "Once was an angel." It made the flow rhythmic and not too sing-songy. I just liked the way it flowed.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, at least from the perspective of a 23 year old, but you might have edited a little bit from when you were 9. Of course, feel free to go back and make sure you copied everything down right. =]

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Thanks for sharing with us. Keep up the great work and write on!
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Review of Stay  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
صابا الخير أو مرحاباً. أنا جسسيكا. Good morning! My name is Jessica and I'll be reviewing Stay

First Impressions:
What form is this? The last line looks out of place at first, but then becomes fundamental to the poem. However, I think it could be more rhythmic. I do like the pleading of this poem and the love behind it.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go back and reread to make sure it sounds like what you want it to sound like.

Favorite Part:
Each time that we talk
More of you I see
Hands on the clock
My one enemy
God please, stay right here, do not disappear

Final Thoughts:
Keep writing!
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61
Review of Road Rage  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica. Hello and good morning; I am Jessica and I will be reviewing Road Rage.

First Impressions:
At first I was wondering why certain phrases were bold, but then I saw. I think the bold words are the impetus for why this poem flows well and tells a story very common to most Americans. I really like the flow and rhyme scheme. I like the aa/bb/a pattern and I think it adds to the swiftness of the impulsiveness of what contributes to road rage. I have to say this is my favorite part:

"Yes, I may go to jail, but it’s worth it.
There’s not a chance in hell they will acquit.
I lowered my foot, giving it the gas,
And rammed my SUV right up his ass.
Mentally, I am definitely unfit."

It made me chuckle a bit. I don't drive, but it makes me wonder if road ragers really think about that after the incident. As I thought that, I came to this part to answer my question:
"Yes, I may go to jail, but it’s worth it.
The combined weight caused the guard rail to split.
Smug, rich bastard thought he owned the whole road,
His last thought as his car began to explode.
Yes, but I’m not sorry an itsy bit."

Aww, that totally sums up road rage well and sums up your poem well too.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but it might help you to go back and proofread to make sure you are conveying what you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
A very interesting look at road rage, I enjoyed the lyrical flow. Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
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Review of Silent Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hallo and guten abend. Ich bin (I am) Jessica and I'll be reviewing Silent Rain.

First Impressions:
I hate to rain on your parade, but this poem is a bit lengthy. It almost seems like it could be a prose story. This is only my opinion, but I am going to give you a suggestion of how you might want to break it up.

(Drip. Drip.)
What is that sound? I can’t remember...
(Drip. Drip.)
What am I doing?
Why am I crouching here...
(Drip. Drip.)
What’s going on? Who am I...
(Drip. Drip.)
I lift my hands up.
They are trembling,
stained with dirt
(cross out)as if they (keep)haven’t been washed for days.
(Drip. Drip.)
I’m cold... So very cold...
My face is numb. The touch
Oh that touch--
an assurance myself it is still there.
It is slick, covered in water...
(Drip. Drip.)
There is a steady gnawing in my chest,
and I realize that I can’t remember the last time I ate.
I reach down and give my stomach a little hug,
to tell it that I understand...
(Drip. Drip.)

Maybe when you feel better, it might be best to go over this and see where you can improve. Sometimes it's great to have the vertebrae and spine of what you want to convey, but needs to go through the whole revision process to give it body. Only my opinion of course.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanics. When you go back to rewrite, watch out for them.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Writing is a process and can be a long one. Never give up and write on!
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63
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Guten abend/صباح الخير/ Good Evening! I am Jessica and I will be reviewing Quotes Contest Entries.

First Impressions:
Really good quotes. What are the rules of this contest? Just making them up off the top of your head? Very cool and I like how creative it is.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Good luck and please check out my piece:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1835846 by Not Available.
!
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64
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! احلان و سبح الخير! Ich bin Jessica/ انا جسسيكا and I'll be reviewing The Secret Heartbeat.

First Impressions:
This isn't a bad start to a poem, but it needs some more in terms of imagery and feeling. I think the rhyming is good, but in some lines the rhyme seems forced. A poem doesn't have to rhyme to be good. I think if you want to start classes, this is a poem we might want to look at more in depth and see what can be changed and if the format should be changed. Overall, this isn't a bad poem and it's a good start.

Mechanics:
Please remember these are only MY opinions and feel free to disregard if you want.

>>Now he’s home and no one see’s

they should have seen, they should have spoken,

They let the light fall from the sky

they led him here, that’s why they cry.



A soft haired woman, golden curls

Waited long, a dreadful time.

She oversees his darkest sleep

Her secret, a heartbeat inside she keeps



So much talk to stop the pain

They finally see dying in vain

And though they see the bloody stain

Their cold dark silence will still reign<<


Now he’s home and no one sees

they should have seen, they should have spoken (Uhhh... you break rhyming... you can't have a poem that starts and continues one way [rhyming] and break it...),

They let the light fall from the sky (Hmm... I'd reword just because this sounds a bit odd)

they led him here, that’s why they cry.



A soft haired woman with golden curls

Waited a long and dreadful time (again, rhyme is broken).

She oversees his darkest sleep

Her secret, a heartbeat inside she keeps



So much talk to stop the pain

They finally see dying in vain (reword)

And though they see the bloody stain

Their cold dark silence will still reign (Okay, if he was shot, why is he in bed???)

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Not a bad start at all. Keep on writing! Guten tag! ما سلام!
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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo und guten morgen! احلان و صبح الخير! Ich bin Jessica/ اسمي جسسيكا and I will be reviewing CAPITAL CITY - U.S.A..

First Impressions:
What a lovely quiz! I got an 8/10... not bad for not reading that rhyming book on capitals in eleven years (when I was in fourth grade). I think this is a great way to test your knowledge, especially ones trying to get their citizenship in the U.S. This would be a perfect quiz for them to take and see what else they need to study before they go.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; I loved the humor in some of the choices. Keep up the good work!

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag! ما سلام! Have a great day!
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66
Review of A Haiku for You  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! احلان و صباح الخير! Ich bin Jessica/ اسمي جسسيكا and I'll be reviewing A Haiku for You.

First Impressions:
I'm relatively new to haiku writing and in this writing I have learned if you are going for a more traditional form of haiku, it HAS to be nature related. However, if you go for a more modern a haiku, you don't have to stay in the 17 syllable format and it can be about anything. I wasn't a big of this haiku because you're trying to fit a really big subject into three lines. Also, the way you sugar coat things doesn't show a hatred of an ex, but a nonchalance until the end. I would suggest show an anger from the beginning and don't keep yourself limited to 17 syllables. Message peach Author Icon for more info, he's the haiku master.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it doesn't hurt to go back and proofread.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Good luck in the revision and keep writing haiku! It's a challenge at first, but once you keep writing more, the haiku becomes a beautiful format and very fun to write! Guten tag! ما سلامة!

Check out my New Year Resolution:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1737536 by Not Available.
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67
Review of A Star's Secret.  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten nachmittag. Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing A Star's Secret.

First Impressions:
Well, this was interesting, though you gave it away before I even read it. At least as I was always taught in my creative writing classes and what I teach my students, don't tell your readers what you're writing about it... show them through the actions so they can see for themselves. To me, this seemed more like the star's perspective, so I'd keep it at a star rather than a human. If you do want to do both, make it from a teen girl's perspective... it would sound a lot more real. For example:

>>…I mean, I know it would take about a million light years for him to notice me, and even if he did it would be too late…<<

I'd suggest making it sound this way, it would be neutral, but the reader would know this thing has feelings. Maybe something like, I know, I know, it would take a million light years for my love to reach his luminous, bright eyes and twinkling body and even when he did notice my twinkle it would be too late.

I liked this line though: …I flicker envious gazes and in my mind’s eye I imagine him exploding, his dusty ashes creating a black hole that she just can’t evade, and then, only then, do I no longer have to face their passionate heat again...

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but proofreading it again just to make sure it is up to what you want it to sound like would be advised.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
This is a very nice start. As I said above, I think if you clean it up a bit and change the title to A Secret, the readers will enjoy it more. Just don't forget the vivid imagery and REMEMBER SHOW NOT TELL!!!

Guten tag!
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68
Review of Conception  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Conception.

First Impressions:
I like how quickly this moves and you don't spare us any detail either. I think you chose a good subject for this 55 word contest because the idea of conception happens very fast. I really like the ending because you portray the female as angry (I would be too) to get her significant other out of shock. I thought you had interesting comparisons thrown in there as well for us to get an idea what it's like. I also like how at the beginning it sounded like the reader was at the horse race, but the ending is more tragic. My favorite parts:

And they're off, seed tails whipping desire at a hummingbird-winged pace.

“Wait…how do we stop?”
“Just smash into something.”

“Hunn…I’m pregnant.”
“OH, MY GOD!”
“NO GOD…IDIOT…PREGNANT.”

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but as I suggest to authors, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done. Good luck in the contest! Keep up the good work and remember to write on!

Guten tag!
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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing The Ballad of the Dangerous Moll.

First Impressions:
This is such a cute ballad. This should be the anthem for the molls that live in my backyard and my cats love to hunt. I thought you had wonderful imagery that paints backyard beauty and the menancing moll. I also thought the rhyme scheme was perfect with the pace and tone of The Ballad of the Dangerous Moll. My favorite parts:

Oh, Princess in bright cape of red,
Your kiss is my delight,
Our love will blossom, Valentine,
Fair vision in my head.{/comic}

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, it looks perfect to me, but as I say to all authors; it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely written. I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work and keep writing during this 10th anniversary week! Write on!

Guten tag!
70
70
Review of Been Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing God I am Lost.

First Impressions:
I know this feeling very well, I just left a religion that I felt was leading me to the devil. I looked inside my heart and realized this wasn't for me. I like how you made this into a little prayer to guide your life. I thought it was a nice little touch.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, as I suggest to all authors, it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done! Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
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71
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing We Have a Pet Bird.

First Impressions:
This poem is short and simple. It doesn't beat around the bush and gets to the point. However, I think you should put metaphors and symbolism in this piece. What are you trying to have the reader take away from this poem? Does it have another meaning? I think once you go back and answer the questions, this piece will have more substance.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I suggest to all writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
I think this piece has a lot of potential. Just ask yourself what can you do to make this better; as writing is that type of process. Remember to keep writing and guten tag!

Salaam!
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72
Review of Mountains  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! I'll be reviewing Mountains.

First Impressions:
I just learned a new word- gigantesque. I mean it was obvious what it means, but it stuck out at me and I thought wow, I never heard that word. I did look it up because I wasn't sure if it quite fit, but after looking it up, I think you used the right word. *Smile* Though, it is a haiku, I think you have beautiful imagery and tell a gorgeous story. This haiku reminds me of my trip last week to the Blue Ridge Mountains. Thank you for bringing back wonderful memories. *Bigsmile*

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I always suggest, it wouldn't hurt to go back to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey. Also, I liked the font you used for Mountains.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Beautiful as always! Keep up the good work and remember to write on!

Guten tag! Salaam Alaikum!
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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing HAIKUS (about trees).

First Impressions:
First off, I don't think the first line in both haiku are five syllables, I counted four syllables; unless you count "trees" as five syllables. Regardless, I thought the imagery was beautiful for the first haiku and interesting. I thought the second haiku was humorous. You did a nice job playing around with this.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but as I say to all authors, it doesn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you are conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Not a bad start for haiku! Just check your syllable counts. Keep on writing and salaam alaikum!

Please check this out: "Invalid Item"  Open in new Window. by A Guest Visitor

Guten tag!
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Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing 100 Character Story.

First Impressions:
Writing a 100 word story is tough because it doesn't really leave room to include a lot of detail. However, I think you rely on the fairy tale intro and ending, which takes away from a really good story. I think if you omitted those (well, maybe the once upon a time) you could give a little bit more description on the boy and the villain (i.e. why the villain is a villain -- describe him so we can see how evil he is).

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Good luck with the contest! Just remember with future short, short stories to make it concise and figure out what you need or don't need.

Guten tag! Salaam alaikum!
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Review of Final Goodbye  Open in new Window.
Review by Grateful Jess Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I am a judge for "Invalid Item"  Open in new Window. by A Guest Visitor . Here is my review for Final Goodbye.

First Impressions:
I really like how you make this a letter. It is also ambiguous because the final goodbye could either be the son/daughter leaving town for a long time or even a suicide. Though, it's sounding more like a suicide. I think a letter is a nice touch to a story.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but wasn't expecting to on a short piece.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work! Good luck!
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