Erind:
The emotion in this piece is palpable. That's a tough thing to communicate through the written word, and it seems that you're already well aware of the disconnect between language and emotion. I believe that the best measure of a writer is the degree to which he/she is able to transcend the void separating sensation from words; this talent cannot be taught like grammar or diction, but it can be learned.
Word choice, structure, style—these skills of a writer can be honed over time through practice and criticism, but that human element of emotion that so electrifies great work—well, you've either got it or you don't. You've got it. I urge you to never stop writing.
Specifically, I'd like to offer a few general pointers.
This is a long piece, and I get the impression that it's a stream-of-consciousness sort of expression that built up within your mind for some time before you put it to paper. That's fine here, as you cover a lot of ground within the piece. For more specific works, however, keep length in mind. Less is usually more in writing, and it's essential to be as concise as possible without sacrificing meaning. Readers have an annoying tendency to shift their attention to other matters when things get wordy.
For similar reasons, keep repetition to a minimum for the greatest impact. A writer uses repetition to stress a point. If he/she overuses it, repetition loses its effect, along with the attention of readers. I cannot overemphasize the importance of avoiding redundancy.
Also, for future reference, it might be prudent to break works down into different sections via spacing. This really does make a piece significantly easier to read.
Now, on a more emotional level—
I've found that the search to be understood fully by another person is fruitless. I don't know you or your situation, so I'm going to keep this as general as possible. Feel free to disregard my advice if you feel that's best. We as human beings are complicated, far too complicated to communicate our thoughts and emotions with absolute clarity. Our experiences all differ; therefore, no other living thing past or present can entirely understand your position, or mine, or your parents', or anyone's. What others can relate to and empathize with are specific emotions, provided we can convey them properly. Only you know the whole picture, but it's a mosaic—there are pieces of you that others also share. In sharing them, we know ourselves better, and consequentially we grow more prepared to beat on along this journey of life.
That's getting sorta heavy, though, so I'll cut it there. If you'd like to discuss anything further, feel free to shoot me a message at any time.
I hope this review was in some way helpful. Good work on this piece.
Best wishes,
Dustin |
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