There is a lot I like about this poem—I have the sense of the mirror reflecting back the stranger and I feel the person looking in being numb and disoriented. I think the lines describing the disheveled hair, the dirt, and the facial pallor are well crafted and contribute the poem’s ambiance. I would enjoy more details like this—ones that reveal her, not just physically, but, by extension, the person behind the eyeballs.
Ticky-tacky points. Leafs vs. leaves???
Sometimes less is more (the reader can fill in some things) From early on we know this person is female: look at where you say "her" or "she" and consider if the words are necessary.
I don’t really follow the emotional thread in the second to last stanza.
I can see this piece being reworked into a set of ensemble poems. Staying focused on one aspect of the character’s apathy or resolve, expanding an element of her psychological condition might allow the reader increased access to a private anguish. That would be an intriguing, if not unsettling journey.
Keep on writing.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dwlewis798
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:46am on Dec 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.