Beautiful and creepy imagery, and the setting is perfect. I love the foreboding, unclear, and uncertain feeling I got when I read this the first time. The grammar is a little sketchy in one or two places, but that is also a part of the character development. The character, when they speak, may have a dialect or imperfect speech. I think most of the verbs match the subjects, but there were a few colloquialisms...and that is again part of the character's voice. An example would be, "the echo of a small fire set by <i>her<i> people to keep <i>them<i> warm and secure a forced overnight in the open." The 'her' people to keep 'them' warm...you could probably leave off the 'them'...it might read easier as "the echo of a small fire set by her people to keep warm and secure against a forced overnight in the open."
I think this is a great little start...you have a character's voice down, great imagery...you could really develop more of this into a longer story. Thank-you for allowing me to read.
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