My suggestion is not to use so many periods. Throw some commas in. And not every line has to be capitalized. For example this line could be written,
Why did you have to bring me down
knowing I already had low self-esteem?
There are a few typos. Scorching, darkened, and into are what I think it shouold be. The last stanza felt very abrupt and random. I would either add more or just leave it out. But all of that said, I like the feeling of the poem, especially the second stanza. It really captures how delicate your soul is. Thanks for the poem and keep writing:)
First off, you have an interesting beginning. While I was reading it though, it got a little confusing at some points. It felt like you would put in an unrelated sentence sometimes. There are also some punctuation errors.
In the second paragraph you wrote, John did serve in the war, but not on the front lines. Then in the next you wrote, John did serve in the war, but not on the front lines. You really don't need to repeat that. And I think, Also in Kidderminster, should be the start of a new paragraph because you've moved on to a different topic, the Wilsons.
But other than those little details, the story is fine:)
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