This poem was absolutey awesome! The best poem I have read today by far. Loved the slurred speech patterns. And I laughed out loud a couple of times. This one really put a smile on my face. It reminds me of the style of Shel Sylverstein who is one of my all time favorties. Great job with this one.
This was a fun little poem. It seems like everything I have been reading lately has tried to be so etherial and prophetic. It was really a nice break to reaad a fun little piece about the joys of family life. Great job my friend. Always great to read your work.
I really liked this poem. It was very emotional, and I identified and felt for the narator. I read this poem out loud and it flowed very nicely. I like the amazing grace and amazing hate. The last stanza is awesome. You really nailed it. thanks for sharing.
Ryan
I enjoyed your poem. It is beautiful in its simplicity and flows very nicely. I read it out loud to my daughter and she liked it very much. I was wondering if you were using a particular form for this poem or if it is just free-form. Thanks for sharing. This one made me smile.
I enjoyed reading your story. It was very emotional and I have to admit that I got a little choked up reading the last couple of paragraphs. I loved the ending. Great job developing the characters. The bond between Gwen and Pam came out in their dialogue. I was a little confused about who was speaking in some parts of the early dialogue, but a few tag lines should clear that right up.
Great read! Thanks for sharing.
Good job especially for your first poem. I enjoyed the imagery and really liked the last stanza. Keep an eye on your meter. When two rhyming lines have a different number of syllables it can throw the timing off. Keep up the good work. I would be interested in seeing some of your other poems as well. Thanks.
Beautiful poetry. Do you know someone in the military? I spent some time in the Army and I found that I could really relate to the imagery and the feeling that came through in your writing. I especially liked "I am the angel in the snow" really cute and clever. Great job, and keep up the good work.
Great job on this story, I really enjoyed reading. I think the first couple of paragraphs could use some revision (just my humble opinion) but it seems that once you got going you really found a rythm. You gave us some awesome poetry in the fifth paragraph, and I especially enjoyed the way you reconted Joko's digression from King to Knave to Tramp. My favortie part was the way you concluded your writing. The last stanza was great.
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