This poem was absolutey awesome! The best poem I have read today by far. Loved the slurred speech patterns. And I laughed out loud a couple of times. This one really put a smile on my face. It reminds me of the style of Shel Sylverstein who is one of my all time favorties. Great job with this one.
This was a fun little poem. It seems like everything I have been reading lately has tried to be so etherial and prophetic. It was really a nice break to reaad a fun little piece about the joys of family life. Great job my friend. Always great to read your work.
Good job with this poem! I enjoyed reading it. You were 100 percent faithful to Dactylic Tetrameter and as a result the poem flowed very nicely. My writing professor is always preaching that a poem is meant to be heard in the human voice and as a result I have gotten into the habit of reading all poetry out loud to myself or to someone else. I find this is very useful in guaging the flow of a piece of poetry, and yours read very nicely. Although your poem has only one stanza there is some relevant content. This poem does stand on it's own very well however, if it were me I would be looking to add to the content and explore the chosen topic more deeply. Thanks for sharing your poem and teaching me something about Dactylic Tetrameter.
Ryan
I really liked this poem. It was very emotional, and I identified and felt for the narator. I read this poem out loud and it flowed very nicely. I like the amazing grace and amazing hate. The last stanza is awesome. You really nailed it. thanks for sharing.
Ryan
I enjoyed your poem. It is beautiful in its simplicity and flows very nicely. I read it out loud to my daughter and she liked it very much. I was wondering if you were using a particular form for this poem or if it is just free-form. Thanks for sharing. This one made me smile.
I enjoyed reading your story. It was very emotional and I have to admit that I got a little choked up reading the last couple of paragraphs. I loved the ending. Great job developing the characters. The bond between Gwen and Pam came out in their dialogue. I was a little confused about who was speaking in some parts of the early dialogue, but a few tag lines should clear that right up.
Great read! Thanks for sharing.
Good job especially for your first poem. I enjoyed the imagery and really liked the last stanza. Keep an eye on your meter. When two rhyming lines have a different number of syllables it can throw the timing off. Keep up the good work. I would be interested in seeing some of your other poems as well. Thanks.
Beautiful poetry. Do you know someone in the military? I spent some time in the Army and I found that I could really relate to the imagery and the feeling that came through in your writing. I especially liked "I am the angel in the snow" really cute and clever. Great job, and keep up the good work.
Great job on this story, I really enjoyed reading. I think the first couple of paragraphs could use some revision (just my humble opinion) but it seems that once you got going you really found a rythm. You gave us some awesome poetry in the fifth paragraph, and I especially enjoyed the way you reconted Joko's digression from King to Knave to Tramp. My favortie part was the way you concluded your writing. The last stanza was great.
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