I think this has a lot of potential.
Storyline: Great!
Flow: well done. I think there are some places that it's maybe a little too play by play, moving at a pedantic pace. I realize you're setting the stage, but it needs to progress quicker.
Think ACTION! YOu have a very descriptive voice, and an eye for detail.
Grammar: Here's where you need some work. I know grammar classes were boring for me, but it's necessary in written form. I made a few (remember my opinion only) suggested corrections in a section below.
One of the things that helps me is after I write it the first time I let it sit for a day or two. Then I go back over it and make any corrections that I see. Then, read it out loud to yourself. You can hear where you need to make changes better than you can see it. You the author kinow exactly what you're trying to convey. When you hear it, you become the reader, and those quirky places don't sound right.
Also, before you post, do a self edit to check punctuation, grammar, and anything else that you are aware of in your own writing. Me? I know I have a problem with run on sentences, slang, and sentence fragments. My brain doesn't think in complete grammatical sentences. I have to write it down to get it on paper, then go back and edit because I know I wrote it down just as I thought it.
Just a thought, it's what I do that helps me. It may not be the right thing for you. Experiment to find your groove, then go with it.
All in all, well done!! You have a great idea here, a fine story base and a good voice. It just needs a bit of spit and polish is all.
Fantastic, keep writing!!
Ellie macki
The day had started as any other day. (Unnecessary, delete this word.) The girls and I had woken up and meditated, (wording awkward, can you say this differently?) Kyra looked over at me, the hint of a request etched on her face.
"Can we visit the runes of Tanara? I've recently looked up the history of the place and I would really love to study the language written on the walls?" she asked, a twinkle of excitement radiated from her open eyes as she waited for my response,(.) I glanced over at Tera, (.) She was day dreaming again,(.) I snapped my fingers in front of her face, she blinked a couple of times.
"What, what did I miss?"
"You missed me telling Kyra that we are going to Tanara." I replied as Kyra squealed, we finished our meditation and went to eat.
The kitchen was painted a mellow shade of blue decorated with swirl marks every so often. (Nice visual, can you reword like – occasional swirls?) On the wall above the stove was a plentiful amount of different kitchen utensils hung up by shiny metal nails. None of them was (were) used this time, because the girls opted out of a big breakfast and went for the cereal and milk. (choosing cold cereal instead.) I stood at the door and watched them sit down and start to (omit) eat.
"Girls there is one thing we have to talk about before we go anywhere." I said
"What’s that?" they said in unison(.)
"Have you ever wondered why I haven't let you girls out in the world alone?" I asked hoping they didn't hear the sorrow that was laced in my voice. They looked at me but didn't reply so I continued.
"This world has become dangerous for us mirrors." I said flinching at the word mirror,(.) It was a stereotypical name, never changing(,) almost cursed. The word although (change around – Although, the word) was an exact representation of how our power works, but the history behind the word was terrifying to say the least.
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