I have to say, after I read your short story. I was intrigued as to see what is going to happen to your two main characters.
As I was reading your story, I found that the beginning was unorganized, then it started to smooth out. Which I was happy to see. I think that I would suggest that you go back to the beginning, and rewrite the first paragraph. Describe your guardian angel and his charge better. As well as the area in which this is taking place.
This has some potential. I was lost a bit in the beginning, but soon grasped what was going on. I know this is a rough draft, it appears to have an interesting start. Keep up the good work.
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