I liked your story overall. I personally would change some of the sentences. Example.. (Today I messed up. I messed up, my mother's fine chair.) This story reminds me of Dr.Seuss and how he wrote some of his stories. There is always a lesson that needs to be taught. Some are harsh, while others are less so. This one appears to be a rather harsh lesson. Keep up the good work, you are doing wonderfully.
I have to say, after I read your short story. I was intrigued as to see what is going to happen to your two main characters.
As I was reading your story, I found that the beginning was unorganized, then it started to smooth out. Which I was happy to see. I think that I would suggest that you go back to the beginning, and rewrite the first paragraph. Describe your guardian angel and his charge better. As well as the area in which this is taking place.
This has some potential. I was lost a bit in the beginning, but soon grasped what was going on. I know this is a rough draft, it appears to have an interesting start. Keep up the good work.
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