This is truly excellent work. The story is very real and the language used gives the reader a very good image of what's happening. It is very elegantly written and there was surely careful thought behind each word.
One thing I would suggest however, I noticed a lot of your paragraphs tend to be the same size. To some readers, no matter the quality of the work, this can bore them. For example, in the beginning there are a few paragraphs where the narrator is recalling their mother (I would paste them here to show you what I mean, but my computer is being disagreeable with me). Both pertain to the same subject, the mother, so they could be put together as one paragraph. Also, you could add details to other paragraphs to lengthen them and add variety to your paragraph length. This sort variety is appreciated by readers and makes the text interesting. Purely a suggestion, do what you will. :)
Again, I can't express how much I loved this story. Thank you for posting it. :)
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 3:38am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "