Hi there! This review is on behalf of The Little Sisters, judging for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I liked how you began the story, by describing a much anticipated event then showing how it was ruined by an unfortunate event. The character was one many can relate to, and you showed her fading strength well as the reader was informed of her internal debate. I have one specific suggestion:
She couldn't just lie around like this she must get busy!
This sentence needs some sort of punctuation between the two independent clauses. I'd use a semicolon after "this."
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of The Little Sisters, judging for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I liked this little haiku. The image added a nice touch- great idea, making this an image item. The description reminded me of a cat, and was delightfully injected with mischief. It brought to mind an image of a little kitten with her big eyes doing the actions mentioned in the poem. Too cute!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of The Little Sisters, judging for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
You won me over with this piece. I loved the message of your words and the way you built up to them throughout the poem. The way you gave us character background then explained her actions through vivid descriptions helped the reader understand and relate to the character. Then you drove home your message in the final few lines. I have no suggestions; well done!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of The Little Sisters, judging for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
This was an interesting and relatable story about your daughter's departure. I liked the honest, present tense descriptions of your feelings about the anticipated trip. My favorite part was your description of your daughter's appearance. I have no suggestions.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of The Little Sisters, judging for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I love acrostic poems and enjoyed this one that describes complete and total love. Your descriptions were interesting and gave a nice visual to the reader. I thought the "..." were a nice touch to the mood of the piece. I have a few specific suggestions:
knowing your there
"Your" should be "you're."
have with-in me
I'm not sure why you put a hyphen in "within." It isn't needed grammatically, as "within" is a proper word of its own.
Going the distance to give all the love I have to offer is nothing compared to not telling you how I felt at all.
The wording in this line seemed a little awkward to me. Using the word "all" twice threw me off a little, and I had to read the line a few times to figure out what you were trying to say. I don't think the "at all" at the end of the line is needed.
Overall, a heartfelt and descriptive piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of WDC Frontliner of the Month. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! Oh, and no, Eyz, you're not getting a review from yourself. It's just that impersonator... PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I loved this cute little story from the point of view of a cat. It was great how you described the life of the queen of the house and never blatantly told the reader the speaker's identity. This was cute and well written. Great job! I have no suggestions.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I think you have a really good idea for a poem here. The concept is interesting in itself, and I think you could highlight that uniqueness by adding more depth to the poem. Perhaps after each stanza you could expand a little on the idea. For example, in the first stanza you might be able to show the reasons you need him by using interesting descriptions of his personality, good looks, or whatever else you choose to include. I think this has great potential for a great piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
Hah! I really liked this story! The entire effect worked really well, and it was definitely a unique idea. I especially liked how you really got into your character. Your ability to write from her perspective was commendable; I thought that you captured the feelings of a pregnant woman well. I have one suggestion, which isn't exactly about the story. I think you should change your item genres to something more than "other." It never hurts to make it searchable! Comedy would probably be a good one to add.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
Great piece! This really sounded like it was written by a little girl and therefore was very effective. Your rhyming and rhythm worked well too. My favorite lines were: "She tries to stay clean and do all her chores,/But the two evil monsters just demand more." Great job!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I think you have a great premise for a story here. You could expand this even further and add more of your writing style to the piece. I think what you have holds a lot of potential for a longer story. Also, I think your content rating needs to be a bit higher on this piece as you have some sexual implications in the work.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
You have such great potential for a wonderful piece with a little more work on your writing craft in here. I think the only way to really improve this is to practice a lot. Practice writing like you talk and insert your own personal style into the words. You might want to practice writing dialogue as well. Also, you'll want to give your piece a rating so it shows up in public listings.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I loved the concept of this poem. The hearts added a nice touch and made your poem interesting. You can make something like this so effective by using really descriptive and unique words. Try using a thesaurus to spruce up your piece and it'll really make the difference from good to great. Good job!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I really enjoyed this haiku. You provided wonderful imagery in the first haiku- I wouldn't change a thing. The second I also enjoyed, but I was a bit startled by the exclamation point at the end. I think a period would be more effective, but that's a personal choice. Great piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions: I must say I love your writing style. Your voice naturally comes through and gives a great comedic effect to your piece. The only thing you need to work on are your writing mechanics and you'll be writing some great pieces! You had a couple common grammar errors in your piece. You want to capitalize at the beginning of the sentence and spell out numbers and such. Try looking up some basic grammar rules and proofread your piece, then I suggest you continue it. Great start!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive newbie reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I really like the start you have here on this poem. You had a great concept for the poem. My favorite stanza was the first because you used symbolism to get your message across. This gave the stanza uniqueness and imagery. This really helps for the reader to visualize your message and have it stay with them after they finish the poem. I think you should do this same type of thing in the rest of the stanzas. In the rest of the poem you lost the uniqueness and just 'told it like it is.' I'll be happy to re-review if you try this suggestion! Please feel free to ask if you're not clear on what I mean.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Rising Stars member to member reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
This piece made me laugh out loud! I loved the serious tone and the witty puns sprinkled throughout the story. You told an interesting and humorous tale here. The only suggestion I have is to add comedy to the genres your item falls under. Great piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I enjoyed this poem very much. We all like to escape into our minds. To me this described a typical daydream. For the most part I felt leisurely guided along by the graceful rhythm and rhyme in the poem. I only seemed to stumble when you repeated the first line again. I felt jolted by the abrupt change of syllable count. Maybe you could change 'I'm' to 'I am'? Try reading the poem aloud and see what you think.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I don't think this was the emotion you were aiming at, but this piece made me laugh- hard. Seriously, I cracked up just in the first paragraph. Though you wrote this in a serious demeanor, and the topic is mostly grim, I couldn't help giggling. Why? Well, I've played Sims, I've procrastinated homework, and yes, I've ended up doing the homework because other people were counting on me to do it. So I could relate, and looking back on those times, I laugh at myself, and you I guess, I'm laughing at too. I liked that you told this in such an honest manner, and I think many people can relate to it in one way or another. Great job!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I loved this poem, because you presented the reader with uniquely abstract, yet familiar images that the reader could delight in piecing together in his/her own mind. This 'picture of words' you created told your poem beautifully, in a way that makes your poem stand out from the rest because you showed your thoughts instead of telling them.
I only have one suggestion. In your line, "The voices of quiet nights in quiet cafes along a secluded beach", I think you could have used a synonym for quiet in the second place instead of using the same word twice. Perhaps 'blissful nights' might work better, or whatever else you think might work in your piece. I couldn't tell if you used the same word twice on purpose though. Overall, superb piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of WDC Frontliner of the Month winner reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
You summarized the common feelings and sights of your world well in this poem. Since you asked for suggestions on the title, I'd suggest giving an even shorter description of your life, like 'Challenges, Dog Tags, and Coffee' or something like that that would give a description of the main parts of your life.
I liked the first stanza best, and I think you could give us a little more stanza like it. For instance, you could highlight other main parts of your life. Perhaps you could do a stanza describing your husband by using the parts of him you can sense, even without your sight. You can show your second stanza rather than telling it by adding more stanzas like the first one.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of WDC Frontliner of the Month winner reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I liked this little story about a girl's bitter birthday. The story for the most part connected well, and I felt myself drawn in as a reader.
The first paragraph had kind of an abrupt mood change. I found myself as a reader jolted out of the story when you started with 'the next day...' I think you need a bit of a transition before you go into why the dad left.
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I loved this playful little telling of a grandma's Christmas experience. You used fun rhymes to tell a singsongy poem that captured the highlights of the holiday well. I especially liked the second stanza. Great piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I liked this funny, unique piece. It was interesting to see how your frustration built over the course of the meal, as your special guest continue to act oddly. You did a great job of comedically telling an awkward situation. Great job!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I liked this playful piece. You captured the spirit of Alice and Wonderland well, and I especially liked the surprise ending.
I found it a little hard to believe Julian was 12 years old. I thought the emotions and interactions between parents and son were better suited for a younger child, maybe 9 or 10. Just my observation as a reader.
Overall, great piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
Hi there! This review is on behalf of Simply Positive weekly reviews. Hope you enjoy my thoughts! PS: My reviews do not claim to be professional advice in any way, shape, or form. Take what you like and leave the rest!
That said, here are my thoughts and suggestions:
I'm glad I read this piece today. You told a captivating and heart-touching tale, while also leaving the reader with food for thought. I liked the way you conveyed this lesson your granduncle told you. You started well, with a little anecdote that both introduces granduncle and connects to the moral he taught you. I think that was the strongest part of this piece: your ability to draw the reader in. Great piece!
Thank you for letting me take a peek at your muse!
Caroline Caroline
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I must say I love your writing style. Your voice naturally comes through and gives a great comedic effect to your piece. The only thing you need to work on are your writing mechanics and you'll be writing some great pieces! You had a couple common grammar errors in your piece. You want to capitalize at the beginning of the sentence and spell out numbers and such. Try looking up some basic grammar rules and proofread your piece, then I suggest you continue it. Great start!