Hmm, this is pretty good. I praise you for your wording, as well as your poetic but discordant writting style. My only problem is the topic; not because of its pecimistic vibes- that was pretty good- but merely because, at its core, its a simple breakup poem. . . Still, its really hard to contest those strong, original phrases. Very nice, even if its not my favorite topic and I'm slightly biased, you got an impossible four.five stars out of me. Keep writing.
Actually, I'm honestly not sure what to think about this one. I apologize if that was to forthright, but don't get me wrong, its not bad. I like your style. A lot. However, I wouldn't recomend using, "horror/scary" to describe this. Maybe Psychology, but only if you work out a few little bugs.
First and foremost, near the begining, "occasionally flash white" should probably be "would occaisionally flash white." I don't know if this was intentional, given the strangeness of the piece I'm not sure of anything, but regardless you should be careful with those pesky long, vivid descriptions. Trust me, their cool in my opinion, but they can be hard to properly pull off.
Keep writing though. I see the genius of it in there.
Very nice! I would have given it five stars. However, as poetry, and this being my first review, it is up for debate over things like the shorter length of some lines vs. others, but I love the feelings! Keep writing!
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