First of all thanks for entering my contest. Good luck.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It had a good steady flow which helped the pace and drama of the poem. I also thought that your use of vocab was very good as well.
I found your poem on the review request page. I really like your poem and some of your word choices are really great. I especially like the 2nd verse.
Suggestions:
First of all, there is no punctuation in this piece. I think it would really benefit from some-especially commas. Try reading it through aloud and when you feel you need to pause, put a comma in.
"you're". This should be "your".
You tend to use the same words over and over again. Maybe try to vary your vocabulary a bit-even though the vocab you are using is very good. It gets a bit repetitive after a while.
I definitely think that this poem is worth working on. It has great promise.
I would be happy to review this poem again after you've edited it.
I really like your poem. At the beginning I can really feel the chaos of mornings. I love the way you then change to calmness. I really liked the scream part. Great use of capitals. Good job!
Suggestions:
"Telophone". It should be "Telephone".
"The television now turned off". Change this to "The television is now turned off". It would make more sense.
"Cigarette seems calming". Change this to "Cigarettes seem calming.
Overall this was a good poem which with a quick edit will be perfect.
I love your cnotes. You've got a wide range of things and topics in the cnotes. You used all ten cnote spaces available which was great. I especially loved the flower ones.
I really liked your poem-It was very sweet. My favorite verse was the last verse. I think that its a very original title which goes well with the poem.
Suggestions:
I feel that the last lines of the first two verses seem a bit out of the blue(It halts the flow slightly). The way you set it out it seems like there is going to be a ryhme and this poem i feel would really benefit with a bit of ryhme.
You should take out "end" at the end. The reader knows that its the end and its not necessary.
I loved your poem and your format. It flowed well and your ryhmes were very good. It really came out in your poem that you love your children dearly, which is a great thing.
Suggestions:
In the second line i think you should change it to
"Whom I'd love to be with, to jump and play".
I'm not sure what "tuckered out" means maybe change it to something used more worldwide like "worn out".
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