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122 Public Reviews Given
125 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Reader-reflected and imagery. I review according to the way the writer writes and the affect it has on the reader...does the story grab my interest, or is it lacking something? Plus, I am honored to be called a WDC Power Reviewer.
I'm good at...
Making the author think by asking reader-reflected questions, giving out suggestions, and comparing the author's writing with the rules of grammar and spelling, as well as dialogue and speech, and the overall impression. I am well-rounded--I encourage and point out lines I love just as much as the ones I see need improvement on. In short, I give the kind of review I would like to receive, which would be a review containing notes of improvement, respect, encouragement and correction.
Favorite Genres
*Star* Fantasy, Young Adult, Emotional, Action/Adventure, Mystery, Thriller/Suspense, and I am okay with a slight Horror/Scary and Romance genre, as I tend to write it myself at times.
Least Favorite Genres
LGBT, Erotica, Death, and I am not the comedian so I'll exclude Comedy too.
Favorite Item Types
Books and static items
I will not review...
Erotica and Gay/Lesbian genres, and my rating limits are E, ASR, and 13+
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi An apple a day.... Author Icon, I'm Khariyya and I'm here to give you a review!


First Impressions. When I started reading your story I was feeling a little lost and in over my head...but that was because you used flashback technique. If you're unfimiliar with this, click here ▼ . Personally, I like this technique and use it all the time in my own writing. So my first impression was definitely a little confused but excited to get to the bottom of the story. In other words, you kept me reading.

Characters. There are several people in the story, I'd say only about 5 or so characters named and acknowledged. First of all, the main character which the reader knows hardly anything about. No name, descriptions, you tell me. However, what shines in this story and probably the whole point of it is the main character's personality and character. She (assuming the character is a girl) is compassionate, from what we read. She let the bug be free even though part of her wanted to keep it to win the prize.

Grammar/Spelling. I only caught one grammar error in the story. The line: "Winner got three scoops, second place two, third place at least got one." is NOT a full sentence. My suggestions are either make it a full sentence or use a semicolon (;) to connect the previous line with this one.

What I Liked. I thought the setting of the story was very different and interesting (in a good way *Wink*). I also liked the main character's personality and the consistency that flowed through the story.

What I Didn't Like. I would've liked to find out more about our main character! At least a name, age, or a little something. That was the only thing I found missing from this story.

-----------------

Well, thank you for sharing your work and I hope this review was helpful!

Keep writing,
Khariyya

*Pencil* Blasting through with a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.


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2
In affiliation with WDC Teens Corner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, ♥noVember tHiNg♥ Author Icon! This is Khariyya with a review from "WDC Teens Corner " Open in new Window..

This story is very funny and creative, keeping the reader's interest. It's simple yet a good read, and a very creative way to interpret the saying "I ate my words." There were no grammar or spelling issues I found, but I would suggest combining some of the sentence-paragraphs into one paragraph (a paragraph is minimum of three sentences). That's just to make the story more readable and organized, as it was a little hard to read. The story is short but provides the reader with enough information necessary. Job well done and keep writing!

Khariyya

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3
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In affiliation with WDC Teens Corner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Beth Barnett Author Icon! I'm Khariyya with a review from "WDC Teens Corner " Open in new Window..

Thanks for sharing this great outline you found! It is easy to understand and use, and questions are very straight-forward. The outline gets you thinking, and you are right, no one has an excuse not to outline for their novel now! My only suggestions are, to make things easier to read and point out, try bolding some of the categories, questions, etc. Also, italic works well also or you could even mix it up with different colors to specify different types of questions or just to make it more readable. I think it's a great idea to share with the rest of the WDC community a great outlining sheet you found--you also gave credit to the source. The only other thing I can suggest is maybe giving a link to the source? For example, http://www.writersdigest.com .

Again, thank you for sharing and keep writing!
Khariyya


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4
4
In affiliation with WDC Teens Corner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, amyjo-Keeping it real and fun! Author Icon! This is Khariyya with your 3rd review included with your auction win!

*Pencil* Corrections/ I have a few corrections to give you, but not much. First off: When you were giving Samantha's siblings' ages, you wrote them using actual numbers (1, 2, 14, 56, etc.). When writing, actually write out the numbers (one, two, fourteen, fifty-six, ec.). Second: All flowed well until the third paragraph, when the narration changed a bit. Suddenly I spotted some "I"s and "us"s and the story was then being told in first person. If you are going to write in third person, make sure the whole story is written that way *Wink*.

*Pencil* Characters/ The main character was Samantha, and there were a few mentions of the minor characters. However, whether they are believable or not is debatable. Not much information was given about any character, therefore I can't go into much detail in this section.

*Pencil* Reader Reflection/ While reading this, it was a little hard for me to really get into the story and "feel" something. It was narrated briefly, which suited the purpose of the story. I was, however, interested in what the mystery was and what was going on, but left a little disappointed with the surprise ending of really no ending. However, the setting of the story was a creative idea and I was satisfied with the description you gave of the family.

*Pencil**Pencil*Overall Impression/ Overall, I think the story is creative and a good idea, but would like a little more from it. It just doesn't seem finished yet and missing something. 512 words for a mystery story is not much, and I would encourage you to add on, as I'd love to continue reading!

I hope this review has helped! Remember these are my opinions and you're writing is entitled to your kingship and authorship. You are a talented writer, and keep writing.

Write on,
Khariyya

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A review from "WDC Teens Corner " Open in new Window.


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5
5
Review of Things Forgotten  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WDC Teens Corner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, amyjo-Keeping it real and fun! Author Icon! This is Khariyya and your 2nd review included in your auction win!

*Pencil* Corrections/ The story is very well-written. I found no problems with the piece, it flowed well, grammar and spelling were used properly. Job well done!

*Pencil* Characters/ The characters are believable and easy to comprehend. Job well done on that. The story is being told in first person, leaving Callie the narrator. For a short story, not much character creation is needed, and this definitely is satisfying.

*Pencil* Reader Reflection/ As a reader, you got me hooked from the very beginning. The way you start off a story is the most important part, and you definitely nailed that. Reading this, the emotions I feel are very mixed--excited to find out what the letters hold, how Callie responds, and more. It was a roller coaster of thrill, which is what you want from a reader. Also, the ending is another vital part of a story, which you TOTALLY rocked! I love the ending--full of suspense, and it left me wanting more. I was disappointed at not being able to find out what Brad actually thought and did about it and how things ended up, but in a good way.

*Star* Overall Impression/ I loved the story, it was original and something new. I loved your grammar use--misued grammar is a pet peeve of mine *Laugh*! Like I said it is well-written and very "tasteful." Keep writing!

I hope this review was helpful and I intend on continuing to read and review your writing. You are a gifted writer, and use your talent to the best of your ability!

Write on, Amy Jo!
Khariyya

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A review from "WDC Teens Corner " Open in new Window..


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, ChloeFR Author Icon! Here is the review you requested!

First of all, I'd like to start with my corrections and suggestions.
Orange = Suggestions
Red = Corrections
Pink = Things I Like
Black = Things You Said

There nothing I could do to stop it. - There IS nothing I could do to stop it.

"Who said life was fair:? - "Who said life was fair?"

"Can I tell you a secret?? - "Can I tell you a secret?"

"I bet the CF is too,? - "I bet the CF is, too," Note that I also added an extra comma before "too" *Wink*.

In all my nineteen years,
I had never loved anyone more than I loved her. - Make sure to bring this second line up, so that way it is connected with the first.

Someday, somewhere, she would free. - Someday, somewhere, she would BE free.

The only thing I suggest that you do based upon my opinion as a reader is double space the paragraphs. It is a little hard to read because of the formatting, but that can be fixed by leaving a double space in between the paragraphs. For example, hitting the 'enter' key twice to separate the paragraphs.

What I loved most about this story is the theme. I think it was really creative, and definitely original. I love how you created this sisterly bond between Mackenzie and Analia, and even mentioned the twin Anika. Job well done!

Thanks for sharing your work and keep writing!
Khariyya

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7
7
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kara!

Khariyya here! This is a wondeful poem, and an interesting fact that you were inspired by a dream catcher. It flows well, and I only have one suggestion for you. When writing, try not to use numbers (1, 2, 15, 132, etc.) Instead, write them out (one, two, fifteen, one hundred and thirty two, etc.). My suggestion is changing "100 dreams" to "one hundred dreams".

I loved reading your writing and keep the pencil moving!
Khariyya
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Julie Author Icon! Khariyya here! Now I will be reviewing your story, "The Really Wild West" Open in new Window..

What I Liked. I really liked this story! It was entertaining and kept my interest. I love the beginning and how it starts with dialogue. This is my favorite way to start off a good story!

Reader Reflection. First of all I'd like to start off by saying, thanks for the introduction *Laugh*! I like reading things and knowing its history *Wink*. As the reader, I had NO idea of what was coming next! I was constantly wondering if Rodrego would survive, if not, where Isadora was going, if they'd ever see each other again... and all my questions were answered at last! The Geico thing at the end made this story even more interesting!!!

Areas Needed of Improvement. I saw no problems with this story. It is very well-written, a good story, and it definitely hooked me! I found no grammar or spelling issues and the vocabulary was used greatly.

Favorite Lines. The ending lines in italic still crack me up! I love it *Heart*! I also like the characters' dialogue and how you made them speak. You were constant with your western theme, making two words like "want to" into one. Great work!

Characters. The characters are well developed. Their traits are made obvious. They are also very believable while at the same time dramatic, which I love *Heart*! I think my favorite would have to be Rodrego!

Thanks for sharing your work here on WDC and I enjoyed your story and reviewing this! Remember...

                   Write for others,
                   Write for yourself,
                   and Write for the sake of writing!

Write on!
Khariyya

*Pencil* This is a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review. Keep writing!

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9
9
Review of Writing.com  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very creative and excellent poem about WDC. Thank you for sharing your work! Here is a review.

Wording

1. I see a lot of good wording in this poem. One thing that did catch my eye is one of the first lines:

Factual writer's who write from events.
Fictional writer's who's imagination vents.


These two lines are good and true, but I would suggest a word change. (Remember, this is just my suggestion for better wording.)

Factual writer's who write from events.
Fictional writer's who's imagination invents.


2. There are a few paragraphs that repeat what earlier paragraphs have stated. I would suggest cutting some and/or replacing them with new ones. Repeated words, sentences, paragraphs, etc. tend to allow the reader to "drift away."

Grammar/Spelling

A lot of people say when you write, ignore the rules. And I highly encourage all writers to do that...leave the editing to the editor (if the editor isn't yourself) and the reviewing to the reviewer. When you write your main focus should be on your creativity and flow, not on the grammar and spelling errors.

Key Words here: when you are writing. Everyone makes grammar and spelling mistakes, which is OKAY!!! So, here's a few corrections. The first one is for the paragraph above:

You Wrote:
Factual writer's who write from events.
Fictional writer's who's imagination vents.


My Corrections:
Factual writers who write from events;
Fictional writers whose imagination vents.


Now, I hope you noticed the small changes I made...less apostrophes. You should use apostrophes when you want to turn "___ is" into "__'s" or when someone owns something. In this case, the apostrophes on the end of the word "writer" should not be there, because you are not saying "the writer is" and the writer is not owning something.

The second change I made was on the word "who's." I will give you two examples, one of "who's" and one of "whose."

1. Who's that? (Who is that?)
2. The writer, whose imagination, ...

Hope those examples help!

Creativity & Flow

This is a very good creative poem and the flow is great! Keep up the good work!!!

Overall Impression

Overall Impression: This is a great piece celebrating the creation of WDC and the accomplishments of many writers. Thank you for sharing this with us all. You are a great poet, and this is a great piece of poetry and I enjoyed reading it.

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10
10
Review of Night Predator  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is wonderful!!! Amazing work on this! What an awesome piece of poetry you have written!

Keep writing!
Khariyya
11
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow this is great! Thanks for sharing your work with us all and keep writing!!

Khariyya
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Review of Edge of Sanity  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Doctor Dirt!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your item, 'Edge of Sanity.'

This is definitely a dramatic piece, as said in your genres...thank you for sharing it!!! It is written with very good detail, and you were great with your wording!

Thanks & keep writing!
Khariyya
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Christopher Nagle!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your essay: "Plunder:Species War Against the Planet." This is a great piece. I enjoyed reading it. It gives a lot of culture facts, war facts, and more. Thanks for sharing!

Keep writing!
Khariyya
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Review of Little Angel  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Kings!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your poem, 'Little Angel.' This is such a heart-touching piece of poetry! It is also very true, and those are things I love about your piece. You wrote it short and simple, but completely amazing, and that's what I love to read!

Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!
Khariyya
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Yellow Rose KNOWS what you did!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your poem, "21 Steps of the Watchers.' This is a great and creative poem. The reader really has to think while reading, which means that this poem is QUITE creative!!! I enjoyed reading this poem and can't wait to read more from you!

Keep writing!
Khariyya
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Steve!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your short story, 'Love, Life, and Lilacs.' I love your story. It has great detail and the characters are all described well. You did a great job with this! I only found a few grammar mistakes where you need to add a few words.

Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!
Khariyya
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Review of Enough, I'm out!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Fire Quill Author Icon!

I'm Khariyya and I read your "Enough, I'm Out!" poem. Wow! This is a detailed poem. It expresses the 2 characters greatly and shows each ones' feelings. Thanks for sharing your work with everyone here at WDC!!! I hope to read more from you.

Keep writing!!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 Author Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Yellow Rose Author Icon!

I'm Khariyya, and I read your "The Wonder of Diversity" short story. This is a very true and creative piece. Thanks for sharing it!!! It is very true and a very creative idea. It's very interesting and exciting to read!

Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 Author Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Brittany L. Engels Author Icon!

I'm Khariyya, and I read your "My Christmas Rhyme" Open in new Window. poem and have a review for you!!

WHAT I LIKED ABOUT THIS POEM: It has great detail, and it's so true. This is an excellent poem that's strong and true. Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!

Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 Author Icon
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Review of Six word stories.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, JSS1585 Author Icon!

I'm Khariyya, and I read your 'Six word stories' item you wrote. Wow! What an idea! I'm impressed. I've never known of anyone else who has had this idea. Thanks for sharing your work with everyone at WDC!!!

Thanks for sharing & keep writing!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 Author Icon
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Review of Divorce  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Harry Author Icon I'm Khariyya, and I read your "Divorce" poem.

WHAT I LIKED: I liked how you shared this piece. My main reason for that is because it shows how others' actions can have huge effects on others. It is true and should motivate people to keep their promises and think twice before they do. I also liked the length of your poem. It's not too long and it's not too short. I don't know about everyone else, but for me, if I see a poem that's too long, I feel rushed, even though I know the poem isn't going anywhere. You're piece was just the right length for me!

Thanks for sharing this piece & keep writing!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi drifter!

This is a great message, and thank you for sharing. I will be praying for you and your family, and remember this: your mom is in a much better place. She has everlasting peace, love, satisfaction, happiness, and much much more.

I love the fact that you took what your mom said she wanted everyone to know and you made it to where everyone can read and hear. I guarantee you she is very proud of you right now.

Thank you and keep writing!
Khariyya
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Review of Yesterday  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! This is a great piece you have done! I think that it was really good of you to share this. I believe you will get a lot of good advice from doing so.

So here's my advice: We all feel called to do or to stop doing something at one point of our lives. If you feel called to not take pictures, that is ok. It's something you feel called to stop doing, and therefore you are doing the right thing by following that call.

More advice: If you are seeking happiness, you will find it in God. He promises us that. You can have everything in the world, but it's all temporary...God's eternal. How do you find happiness in God? Just open up His Word and read. The Bible says to meditate on it day and night. And once I started doing so, I found the happiness I was seeking.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
Khariyya ~ Jadu'i Phatakom
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Review of Our Lady's Tears  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so good! I love it!!!! Thank you for this amazing poem.

Khariyya
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25
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this!!!!!!! It's SOOOO good! And so true!
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