I do believe I just read a 700 word fart joke. It was a gas. Had an explosive ending. My kids would love it. Well done I think? Is it a traditional vignette? No, not likely. Is it entertaining though? Yes.
I can think of no worse fate than being punched into a wormhole and being forced to do hard math for the rest of eternity. Strangely, I can full-on picture this as a superhero movie. I'd like to see Thor punch the sharknado. Who wouldn't?
Ridiculous and bizzare. Would have been easier to read (less blindining) if broken out into at least a couple paragraphs but technicalities, technicalities. Art does not follow rules, obviously. Nice addition of Bowser but a little light on both Planet of the Apes and TMNT. For that, I'm marking it down.
Thanks for sharing. Made me laugh more than once.
Kat
I am reading stories as a judge for the Into the Darkness contest. I am not providing reviews at this time as a thorough review is part of the first place prize, but in short I wanted to say, this story would probably benefit from some fleshing out. Incorporate the five senses a bit more and show how frightened Tori is by her actions (that first night, did she not try the window or any other way out? Claw the floorboards or try banging on the door?). I think you could make this story more intriguing by including the "human" element to it.
Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest!
KMH
I am looking aat stories as part of the Into the Darkness contest. I am not providing reviews at this time because doing so is part of the first place award, but in short - this seems like an outline to a much longer story and the ending feels rushed. Is this something you were hoping to expand? If so, diving into the characters, setting the scene with some visuals/using the five senses, showing who your characters are (rather than just telling us, as in the case of Aries at the end) would all be great ways to flesh out your story and make it more intriguing.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
KMH
I am looking over your story as part of the Into the Darkness contest. I am not providing full reviews at this time, as a thorough review is part of the first place reward, but a couple thoughts - ensure you incorporate showing where possible rather than telling, and be careful of contradictions to keep your story believable (stuff like - early on in the story is is said that it had been weeks since the character had seen anyone, only then she goes to the grocery where she shows her ID to the guard and buys stuff, presumably from someone, and comments on other people walking the streets doing the same thing). There are a few grammatical things I would want to double check as well. All in all though, a lovely Stephen King-esq story with timely subject matter.
I was in the mood for a little sci-fi, and found your piece. Fun read! Loving the description and intrigued about the paws, hissing, and growling. Sounds like an interesting creature!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:47am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "