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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ethan_owens7
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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I give thoughtful responses commenting on the tone, structure, clarity, and eloquence of your piece.
I'm good at...
Analyzing alliteration, word choice, and finding ways to help poets and authors convey their message in the best poetic way possible while still retaining clarity.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, fiction, and poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Nonfiction
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, prose, sonnets, odes, free verse, short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Acrostics
I will not review...
Acrostics
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Ethan Owens Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hahaha, this is great. I like it very much. However, I wish it was a bit longer. I think you could done even more of what you did in the content you have here and made it a longer, better, and more meaningful work. Also, the joke at the very end comes off as a bit cheesy. Though all in all, I loved it.
2
2
Review by Ethan Owens Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I have a soft spot of nature poetry so this is quite enjoyable. However, you include so many extra commas.

For instance, the first stanza:

"Clouds taking off their wraps in spite of the chill,
shake down their load on the hills and the pond, until
they shed, into the dark underbrush, an ivory light glancing
at a happy snowflake, inside the whirlwind, dancing,
through a wintry misconception, in the sudden blizzard,
fluttering with the empty gusts, living its existence fully."

You've got five too many commas.

Corrected version:

"Clouds taking off their wraps in spite of the chill
shake down their load on the hills and the pond until
they shed, into the dark underbrush, an ivory light glancing
at a happy snowflake inside the whirlwind, dancing
through a wintry misconception in the sudden blizzard,
fluttering with the empty gusts, living its existence fully."

Try to review your comma usage and there are a couple spots where the sentences could be reworded to achieve more clarity. Nice job overall.
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