When you are reading something and you have to stop and question everything you have learned up to this point in your life. That is the feeling I got when I read your poem. It is questioning the way of life and death. I some life is the preparation for the new and better life after death, you describe this as after death waking up and seeing the life you were meant to life along and life on earth was just to prepare you. I really love this peom. It makes me think and I LOOOOOVVVVVEEE to think!!!!!!!!
I feel like it's too scattered. Like the author has so many great ideas that they want to put them all in the same story. There is no real dramatic climax because all of the killings are equally important. Try Picking one major event, then going off of that, making that your climax, also try to include some dialog. I really liked the part in the beginning, how he is stopping the robbers then he is all calm (the ultimate action hero persona) And is talking like he just didn't do anything. Keep writing this has potential.
Love... it...! It has great detail and a great ending. I personally love a great cliff hanger with a part 2. Just think about it with your skill, I would read it... The detective part 2: ____________
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