Entertaining and thought-provoking. I very much enjoyed reading this however a couple of things stuck out at me that prevent me from giving you a higher rating.
You need to re-read this and check spaces. There are several occasions of a missing space after a full stop and one point (after 'adversity') with an extra space. It's a small thing that can easily be fixed.
Similarly, I have never heard of the word, 'normalcy' (I am British so it is entirely possible it's an american-english word) I would have used 'normality' though.
The use of double punctuation is a little unnecessary and I found it just made your writing seem more informal and casual and 'cheapened' the message.
These are just my personal views and feel free to disregard them. You are, after all, the best critic of your work!
An interesting and entertaining piece that I enjoyed reading.
The opening is good, it is simple but introduces the setting and characters effectively and with style.
The plot is naturally very simple but that's not a bad thing and it keeps the reader interested and never confused. The short sentences and paragraphs help to maintain pace and reflects the hummingbird's actions nicely.
The ending is fine, it concludes the piece at a logical place and keeps the reader thinking about your story and the hummingbird even after they've finished reading which is always a good sign!
I found no spelling mistakes.
There is only one line I think needs a bit of reworking,
"He didn't dwell on his objective, though. Though he tried to be fair, he didn't want to linger..."
The use of 'though' twice, right next to each other doesn't sound right and disrupts the flow. I think you should change the first 'though' or maybe get rid of it altogether. I would suggest changing it to 'however' but the choice is ultimately yours.
I liked the piece but I have to admit I was confused at parts. The one-sided telephone conversation was certainly different but I wasn't entirely sure about everything that was happening.
I didn't really connect with the characters but I think this was maybe because I didn't fully understand who they were and what they were doing.
I didn't want to rate this because, although it was good, I just didn't really 'get' it. If you were going to edit it I'd be happy to re-rate. I'm sorry I can't help with any real advice but it's nicely written though!
Foreword: These are only my opinions and I don't pretend to be an English professor. Please don't feel obliged to follow my suggestions as you are always going to be the best judge of your own work. I write this with the best possible intentions and I hope you find it helpful.
Opening: I thought the opening was interesting and captured my attention. Good descriptions set the scene well whilst maintaining a level of mystery to ensure I kept reading. Misspelling the main character as 'Stanly' did put me off a little and you repeated this mistake later in the story. (An A overall though)
Plot: I really liked the plot idea as it was interesting and I hadn't read a story like it. I feel like there was a good pacing throughout with enough action and description. There were a couple of minor things I did pick up on;
"clustered violently" -can people really cluster violently? Maybe there was a sense of aggression or they were acting violently.
"national geographic"-I think this should be capitalised
"leaking iridescent oil, the leak..."-try not to repeat the same word in such close proximity.
"his bone marrow turning to fragile clay."-this struck me as an odd description. I didn't understand why you were talking about bone marrow and why it should become fragile. Maybe you could change this.
(A high B)
Ending: The ending was pretty good (a space is missing in the final line though). I think it ends in an appropriate place and is well thought out.
It's not especially important but I was confused about whether this was set in England or America. Your descriptions and lexical choices suggest England but Stanley dials 911. If it were me I would change it to 999 to clarify, but as I said it is only a very minor point! (A)
Spelling/Grammar: There were no spelling mistakes I noticed but I found a couple of places where I thought a comma was missing or there was an unnecessary comma. I would also look again at the semi-colons you've used as they aren't all correct (often a comma is fine). I would suggest a good proof-read is needed, this would also prevent the name mistake I mentioned earlier. (B)
Favourite Line: "Humans passed by in the masses, robotic complexities adorning the faces of each soul-starved one"
I really liked this description, a real insight into Stanley's thoughts and opinions.
Overall Opinions: A good piece that would be great with another proof-read to clear up some grammatical points. Ultimately you're the best judge of what's right and what the piece needs.
Really nice piece that I enjoyed a lot. An excellent piece of work and I only have two comments which are only personal dislikes so feel free to disregard if you want to!
I don't think you should start a sentence with 'and', you've done it quite a few times but it's not a major issue.
Also, I think you should capitalise TV.
An excellent piece all the same, great job!
I really enjoyed the poem and I think it's a great success. I liked how easy the rhyme feels and it keeps a nice rhythm. I think it was a really good idea to save from using the word 'home' to the very end as it concludes the poem really well and I just think it's really comforting!
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