Let me welcome you to WDC and thanks for sharing your work with the public. I love prose, gives us the freedom to be who we are and bring it into a piece. No structure to follow, just let your feelings go.
Your 'rose' has many sides, but do not we all. You capture the spirit of a woman who has seen many different sides of life. Your imagery in describing her is colorful and felt by the reader. I love how you compare her against a rose; a flower which is as strong as it as delicate.
Hope to see a lot more from you and thanks again for sharing.
Hi Eddie! I was prowling around today and came across your item "Crying Earth" . Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: Truly emotional piece due to the conditions in which we have put ourselves into today.
Artistry/Creativity: You cover many of the irreversible effects we have brought to our Earth, creatively making us feel the depths of the damage representing Earth having feelings and emotions.
Rhythm/Flow: This poem has nice form, however I feel if some of the sentences were made to be more equal to others, the flow would be smoother. See technicals below.
Technicals: No typographical errors noted. Regarding line structures, your first stanza is a perfect example of what I mean by smoothing the poem out. Your first line is longer than the rest within the stanza, causing the reader to pause before continuing. It takes away from a smooth flow between the lines. I know it is sometimes difficult to shorten them into less, without losing more so this is just a suggestion.
Overall: A beautiful, emotional tribute to Mother Earth!
Thank you for writing a piece which salutes our soldiers in and put of active duty. It proves this is a country that will not run from a fight, and that the red, white and blue are the truest colors of them all. I too, mourn the ones who do not come home, but I proudly stand waving the Flag when they do and I am honored to live in this country, safe in their arms!
Hi Yellow! I was prowling around today and came across your item "IN THE MIST" . Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: Another emotional piece, leaving the reader wishing the outcome was different.
Artistry/Creativity: Again, your pain is plain to see in how you write and convey your imagery.
Rhythm/Flow: A short and truly bittersweet poem which flows smoothly.
Hi Yellow! I was prowling around today and came across your item "HER PATH" . Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: Once again, Yellow you have written another emotional piece that moves me to tears.
Artistry/Creativity: You have a knack for creating heartfelt emotions through vivid imagery. I can only assume it is personal heartache that has brought you to such emotion flowing to paper.
Rhythm/Flow: You do free verse so well. The freedom allows you to convey a mix of emotions, bringing the reader into your sadness with easy flow between stanzas.
Technicals: No typographical errors noted.
Overall: Again, another beautiful written poem. Your feelings are strongly expressed to the reader and my heart aches how the lady lost the love of her life.
Hi Yellow! I'm reviewing your work entitled "IT ALL BEGAN WITH A SMILE" on behalf of a package owed to you. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: Three words sum it up; deeply emotional piece.
Artistry/Creativity: I love free verse because the freedom allows the writer to go anywhere with it. Your true emotion is displayed for all to see, without the complication of keeping to style and rhyme.
Rhythm/Flow: The poem flows well from stanza to stanza, not catching the reader up.
Rhyme: Since it is a free verse piece, rhyme is not a factor here.
Technicals: No mistakes, no changes needed.
Overall: Again, a very emotional piece. You use nice imagery to describe the male character. My assumption is he was a great man, no longer of this Earth and for that alone, the piece moved me.
Hi Yellow! I'm reviewing your work entitled "YELLOW ROSES AND YOU" on behalf of Packages Soaring Your Way. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: This piece reflects deep, heartfelt emotion. Very touching!
Rhythm/Flow: The flow of the poem is smooth and just eases off the lips of the reader with a steady rhythm.
Technicals: No errors noted, no suggestions for improvement needed.
Overall: For such a short piece, there is much love and sadness conveyed to the reader. If this is based on true events, my heart goes out to you.
Hi Ken! I have just read your story "Masquerade" Subject matter such as this can be difficult to write and is not reviewed as often as more general items. From one erotica author to another, here is my unbiased review
(1 of 3 pkg win reviews)
First Impression: Rarely does the word beautiful precede the word erotica, but Ken, you've succeeded!
Artistry/Creativity: Vivid imagery makes me feel like a voyeur, sitting in a dark corner of the room. Soft yet sensual play tantalizes the senses.
Content: Your words bring a late night interlude between two lovers to life for this reader. I was absorbed into the piece, moved by the interaction of this couple. The element of erotica is there, tastefully done and quickens the pulse!
Technicals: I find one typo Ken: I reach to pull you closer only to be reminded that I am held by the chains of your fantasy.The 'of' is missing.
Overall: Awesome job Ken!! Thank you for sharing this lil tidbit with us!
Keep writing & posting!
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Hi Whome! I'm reviewing "Spoken With Love" as part of a package you won. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
*review one of three
Title: The title lead me to believe I was going to find one of those lovey-dovey poems. It was, but with a different take. Very refreshing!
First Impression: I enjoyed this creative piece very much, moreso because it quite closely resembles my own love of my life. Hubby buys me a coffee pot and I am thrilled, lol.
Artistry/Creativity: Your creativity to smoothly blend love with a comedic side was well done.
Rhythm/Flow: The poem flows very easily and smoothly. A very easy read.
I just stumbled upon this group and let me say WOW and way to go! What a way to get the younger writers on this site motivated and encouraged to become the next best selling author Your dedication to the program is awesome and I know you have the personality, caring and leadership skills to help them in their endeavors.
Hi Cowboy! I have just read your story "A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR" Subject matter such as this can be difficult to write and is not reviewed as often as more general items. From one erotica author to another, here is my unbiased review
First Impression: Ahh, the dream of most women; to be whisked away by their knight in shining armor. Rescued from their burdens, loved beyond all expectations!
Artistry/Creativity: I love this story! What happens to the beautiful lady once her knight in shining armor appears? You have created a very pleasurable answer.
Content: This is a very powerful piece of erotica. It can't be classified as anything but erotica because all of the elements are there however, I want to say this is probably one of the most beautifully written pieces of erotic fiction I have come across in a long time. It's soft and tender yet incredibly hot. When he entwines his fingers into her hair, forcing her to watch...wow! The paragraph following that is eroticism at best.
Technicals: Punctuation and grammar are great. The piece flows smoothly, easily pulling the reader in. You create a very sensual story that the reader can actually see and feel. I find only one small oops and it is just a comma followed without a space: Her knight whisked her away to a wonder land, where the water is a turquoise blue,so clear they can see their reflection.
Overall: Beautiful, sensual, erotic. Great job!
Keep writing & posting!
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Hi A.K. Thorn! I have just read your editorial "Men, Women, & Flowers" Please find my comments below:
This is the first time I have ever sat and looked at a rose from this perspective. It's refreshing and quite eye opening to see your comparison of the petals and stamen to a woman.
I visualize a vase of beautiful red roses in front of me now, after reading the details to deep-green fern and dirty white baby breath. I can almost smell the aroma the soft, silky petals carry.
I thoroughly enjoyed the descriptive detail you give while watching a woman receive a bouquet of roses, not to mention the entourage of other female onlookers upon receipt of said delivery.
This sums up this piece for me: The roses are merely a physical representation of what a woman needs; love and affection, compassion and generosity, forethought and stability.
Thank you for your comments!
Keep writing & posting!
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Hi Sherri! I'm reviewing your work entitled "LITTLE TO NOTHING" on behalf of Packages Soaring Your Way. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: Wow! In also knowing sufferers of these afflictions, you have clearly grasped their everyday ordeals and created a very emotional piece of poetry.
Artistry/Creativity: I like the originality of composing this piece as song. After reading it through the first time, it was almost automatic for my brain to want to put a tune to it.
Rhythm/Flow: From stanza to stanza the lines flow smoothly.
Rhyme: Your rhymes are perfect, making this poem even easier to sing.
Technicals: Two small things to note: The item title is Little to Nothing, however the underlined title in the actual piece is Little or Nothing. Should they match? Also, the description under the static item title is missing the 'h' in Alzheimer's.
Overall: Nice job and thank you for sharing this with our community. Perhaps other readers may gain some insight to Alzheimer's and Bi-Polar sufferers after reading this.
Keep writing & posting!
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Hi Sherri! I'm reviewing your work entitled "BORN A MIRACLE" on behalf of Packages Soaring Your Way. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
Title: In this 'politically' correct world where Merry Christmas has now become Happy Holidays and all that, may I commend you for staying with the days of old. A miracle he was!
First Impression: An eloquent piece of poetry highlighting the birth of Christ.
Rhythm/Flow: Perfect flow between stanzas.
Rhyme: Your rhyme is flawless.
Technicals: No errors noted.
Overall: Great job on this poem! Thank you for sharing this with the WDC community.
Keep writing & posting!
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Hi BBWolf! I'm reviewing "Oh the Cost" on behalf of the WDC Frontliners. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
Title: Very poignant title. Along with the description of this piece, I knew it would be an emotional piece.
First Impression: A very strong and impacting poem about the cost of our freedoms for soldiers sakes. They pay the price and don't return home to allow us the freedom we take for granted everyday. I could keep going, but I know you know how I feel and I am sure many more share my views.
Artistry/Creativity: Your single repetitive line in each stanza keeps the reader focused on the true meaning of the poem. Good choice!
Rhythm/Flow: The flow between stanzas is perfectly smooth.
Rhyme: Good choice of words for your rhyme schemes. These also draw full attention to the life of a soldier and how they become someone you shouldn't be in war torn times.
Technicals: No errors noted. Perhaps a better choice with the word 'safe'. I know it covers to separate issues, but the repetition is the only placed that stopped me short on my first read.
Hi purple! I'm reviewing "Poetry" on behalf of the WDC Frontliners. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
Title: The title is very vague, however it fits the piece's description to a T.
First Impression: Poetry is exactly like this! It can be everything or anything or even nothing at all.
Artistry/Creativity: Your creative use of comparisons give this poem it's character to stand as an original, fresh piece of work.
Rhythm/Flow: The stanzas flow smoothly from one to another.
Rhyme: Your words for rhyme are very well chosen for this poem.
Hi Omni! I'm reviewing your work entitled Grow your manhood here? on behalf of Packages Soaring Your Way. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or please just enjoy my thoughts.
First Impression: Chuckling to myself, re-read it, still chuckling!
Artistry/Creativity: I like your approach to humor through poetry and it works very well.
Content: Yah know, I see those commercials on TV all the time and just shake my head. This piece clearly sizes up the reasons behind paid advertisements to promote a product to boost the male ego.
Technicals: No errors noted. Rhyme scheme is perfect and there is easy flow from stanza to stanza.
Hello Hunter! I read "Inscriptions" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
A very well written poem reflecting on the memories we create everyday. Your imagery for the close of the day is very vivid; I can see the colors of the sky as the sun slowly fades away into night.
Effectiveness of Form:
Ken, you have a knack for writing different poetry structures and this Villanelle is no exception. This one is in perfect form. The necessary repeating lines of this poetry type is what makes the poem so special.
Punctuation and Grammar:
I found no typographical errors within the piece and your punctuation is flawless.
Closing comments:
Awesome job my friend! I love every line of the piece but if I had to pick a favorite it would be: Life is a series of payments and debts.
The best you can do is break even.
I smile and end each day with no regrets.
Thank you for sharing this with the community.
Keep writing!
~Eyz
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Hello Ken! I read "The Honey Bucket" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:
Your writing always amazes me Ken and this one is still causing me to smile! The joy and laughter of the other children, unfortunately at your expense, is quite obviously created in this piece with the imagery you convey.
Effectiveness of Form:
Your ability to make a story flow so well into a poem is truly, well, poetic! The stanzas flow from one another with ease, never causing the reader to pause. Your rhyming is nothing less than perfect.
Punctuation and Grammar:
I found no errors within this piece.
Closing comments:
"Look before you leap" now has a whole new meaning to me!
Thank you for sharing this with the community.
Keep writing!
~Eyz
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Hi Alethia! After reading "Wake Up" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
I don't want to give the details to this story away for future readers, however I commend the job you did on this piece. You bring together the anguish of a daughter witnessing first hand the self-destruction of a parent.
What I liked:
I like the vivid imagery you created while writing this story. I could 'see' the aftermath in the kitchen and living room like I was in the story. I smiled at the childhood memories. I could feel Alyssa's torment over what path she needed to choose, as well as what her mom was going through.
Suggestions:
This makes no difference to the story itself, however at the end where Alyssa is outside, you space down many lines before presenting the later time in the story. I think the piece would show better if the space wasn't so large between these two sections.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
Your grammar usage was done very well, I saw no mistakes. I am not a big stickler to spelling errors. There are so many varied writers on this site from other countries, I know some words are spelled differently for them, then here in the States. Below are a few words I spotted which might be typos or incorrect: paragraph 5; the word highschool is usually high school paragraph 6; the word bonefied is usually bona fide paragraph 6; the word anerism is aneurysm paragraph 8; the word hollwed is hollowed
Thank you for sharing this with the community. Good job!
Keep writing!
~Eyz
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Hi Omni! After reading "Are We There Yet?" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
I don't want to go into great detail of plot and such, since the story is suppose to have an unexpected ending. Overall this is a smooth flowing piece and keeps the reader's attention. Anyone who has experienced a similar moment in time will be relate well to your narrative. When writing for contests, sometimes it is difficult to use the prompts without forcing them into your story line but you do it very comfortably.
What I liked:
I love how you build the character of your cousin to get on your very last nerve with his driving! I can feel myself sitting in the backseat with my patience growing thin at every wrong turn! The piece also took me home, with drives through the bad parts of the state capital and how easy it is to get lost down there.
Suggestions:
I noticed no typographical errors. As I re-read the piece, I noticed in the first and fourth paragraphs you refer to Deb as Aunt Debby but after that you only call her Deb. Was this intentional, as part of the true relationship you had with her? If not, you may want to add Aunt to the other two mentioning of her name:
"Deb, can’t you just drive? I want to get to this party before it is too late!"
Deb gave me a look of confusion before explaining that B.J. was doing his best and we should be patient with him.
Thank you for sharing this with the community.
Keep writing!
~Eyz
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First Impression:
At times, the cruelty of children towards other children, is indeed, the most hurtful. The taunting and harassment always seems to come at a time when a child is most vulnerable; during their mid school years. Your flow through the story is smooth and even, no 'bumps' to hang up the reader. You give enough details to the characters and surroundings for the reader to feel they are actually on the bus and dealing with the matter first hand.
What I liked:
This piece reads well from the author's thoughts, but I like how the very few lines of dialogue blend into the story. They clearly tell the reader the struggle he has when it comes to John. One side of your character wants to scream and defend him, but the other side doesn't want to get involved. You are your very own enemy and unfortunately, we all are guilty of it at one time or another!
Suggestions:
I noticed no typographical errors. It is not pertinent to the story but I was left curiously wondering what age group of students this story involved.
Thank you for sharing this with the community.
Keep writing!
~Eyz
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Hello Larry and welcome back to WDC! I feel left out not to have known you when you were here before, you seem a genuine soul who loves the craft of writing. I am so glad your health issues are under control and that your pleasure for writing has brought you back. Old friends and new welcome you with open arms and I shall check your port often to see how you have come along.
This review for Memories of you. is being brought to you on behalf of the WDCFrontliners Group.
A very nice tribute to someone you cared about and lost. The piece shows great emotion, memories, hope to meet again and of course, to go on without them.
My only suggestion;
One time soon the whole world will see
because this is for you not me.
As we go through time thinking of a way.
This is the plainest to put how
I feel as I wake today.
The third line ends with a period. Is it meant to be a lone sentence or is it a continuation of lines 1 & 2 or even a lead into lines 4 & 5? this section would flow better to change it not to end alone, because as I read it, I just stop as the sentence does and it doen't 'feel' right. This may be just me so take it with a grain of salt.
Thank you for sharing this piece with the community.
This review for Today is being brought to you on behalf of the WDCFrontliners Group.
As people, we all have dealt with death in one way or another, it's part of life. I read this piece and was emotionally drawn back to the passing of my father, another soul lost to that dreaded 'C' word not long ago.
You seemed to have lost touch with your brother for awhile and what an awful time to learn he was sick. I hope you remember fondly the good times. I appreciate your bravery in sharing your pain and sorrow with our community. I do not know if it helped you through the grieving process to write this, but I hope it did.
Thanks again for sharing.
Write on!
~Eyz
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