It was a nice read. You have linguistic power and you can play with words nicely. However, I would recommend you to write it in a simple and easy to grasp style. For example, Paulo Coelho has conveyed deepest of the philosophies in simple and easy to understand style in The Alchemist.
I feel that you have the potential to be a very good novel writer. Just be a bit more casual in your writing style !!
I have read the story of Elizabeth. You have narrated it in an excellent manner. But all I can say is, I feel sorry for Elizabeth, Jake, Mary and Tony.
I am not rating it, as I don't believe in judging someone's misery and sorrow as a piece of literary work (I am rating it 5 because of the website process, not because I want to rate it).
If you have any other item, I would be happy to review it.
May Elizabeth's soul rest in peace, and may the blessings of God be with her family.
Initially when i started to read it, it sounded interesting...and i felt involved in it when the buzzing sound came...but later it all turned out to be just details and details with the story going nowhere...i think you should concentrate more on the plot..details are great if they don't make the story boring by stretching it unnecessarily...thanks
fahad
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