Rakkit's (fateparadox) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

76 Public Reviews Given

295 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I review the way I want to be reviewed. I don't focus too heavily on grammar, though I am good at picking up common mistakes and repeating phrases, etc. What worked for me in your story? What didn't? I will primarily focus on style, and will mostly provide opinions that you should take with a grain of salt. I am constructive, but honest. If I think something can be improved, I will state that, but I will always tell you what I liked as well. You don't need a thick skin, but you do need to be prepared for some detail and not fluff. Finally, I have a somewhat busy real-life, but I PROMISE to try to have a story reviewed within the month of the request!

I'm good at...

I pride myself on characterization. I focus on the meat of the subject, your protagonists/antagonists--what makes them tick? Do they act consistently through the prose? I look for stilted plots, inconsistencies, incorrect narration, etc so that I can help the writer improve those parts. Grammar can come later!

Favorite Genres

I review what I write--I don't really feel qualified to critique genres I'm not familiar with. I will work with: Horror, contemporary fantasy, paranormal, folk, urban fantasy, young adult, poems, some book compilations

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Erotica, nonfiction, historical fiction, children, most fan fiction (with some exceptions)

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, flash fiction, poetry. I like humor, particularly dry or dark.

Least Favorite Item Types

Particularly long books/stories, interactive pieces, unedited/unfinished pieces.

I will not review...

I want the piece to be at least somewhat cohesive. Let me see your baby, not a half baked fetus! I will review any rating, even XGC. I'm not easily offended, shocked, or grossed out. I will not, however, review most erotica. I am still growing as a author in that genre, so I will not be able to provide any opinion of use.

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4579340

Review of Elegy for the Night

Review by Rakkit

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I enjoyed this short story! I like the descriptions and the beginning had an excellent hook. Your writing flowed well, and I did not immediately catch any grammatical errors. I almost feel like there should be more to this story than what we've been given. It's like the ending leaves me lingering on a cliff, waiting for more of the story--so I hope there is more, though it may have totally been your intention to have the ambiguous ending. Either way. I liked it! Thanks for posting!

~ Shroud

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4315340

Review of Come and Walk

Review by Rakkit

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Review for:Come and Walk

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your poem!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

This was a cute little poem and I couldn't help but smile a bit while reading it

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

I didn't catch any typos or grammar issues

Suggestions:
Poetry is always a little more difficult to critique than prose, so please feel free to ignore my suggestions!

I felt this poem was cramped together without space to breath. It could really benefit from having some stanzas and some lines restructured. When read aloud, it doesn't flow off the tongue easily, and I'm wondering if it's from the use of repetition in the phrase "At times". Repetition can be a powerful tool for emphasizing a theme in poetry, but can also clutter a poem up when done too closely together. Perhaps split the lines up (have them start stanzas?) and add lines between? Just some suggestions!

I really like line: At times it will turn and twist until we seem to be lost (ain't that the truth???)

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4315293

Review of Unforgotten

Review by Rakkit

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:Uknown

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your poem!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression :

I don't usually review rhyming poetry...it isn't my forte. I love poetry, but I am a very freestyle individual, but you had a few lines I really wanted to comment on.

Form/Style:

The style is unique. You don't have this separated into stanzas, and I'm honestly not sure if it works or not, but it doesn't take anything away from the poem, so I will just comment that I think it could use some line breaks to keep it organized.

Voice and Imagery:

I really liked the line "and throught the shadows, the light of the moon breathes"

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

I didn't catch any typos

Suggestions:

In all, an enjoyable poem that I read a couple of times to really try to catch the meaning. There were a few times that I think you tried to force a rhyme that distracted me, however. That is just my opinion (and I've already established I'm not great at rhymes in general

) But I do feel the last line and rhyme (yours/gores) ends abruptly and could use some work.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4306619

Review of The Game She Play (Sonnet I)

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for: The Game She Play

Hello!

Thank you for giving me a chance to review your poem!!!I apologize it has taken me so long to get back to you. Busy! Busy!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. As it is my opinion, I *happen* to like it, but you are more than welcome to disagree! Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

Hmmmm....I find this bit interesting. You do some interesting work with rhyming in your sonnet.

Form/Style:

I like some of your rhymes. They do not come of as sing-songy, which at times can be difficult. My favorite is possibly the first stanza. There is just something about the words that provide an ooomph.

I also like your light play with alliteration in the second stanza (seduced and sedated), and in the third stanza (forgotten and forsaken)

Suggestions:

I'm not sure about the last two lines. I like the three stanzas prior, but I feel the last lines are rushed. I can't offer any more than a gut feeling, I'm afraid, as poems by their inherent nature are so subjective. Besides, sonnets are a weakness of mine in general.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you for asking me to look at it!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense.

Anyhoo, I hope to see you around my port! Don't be afraid to stop by and give a poem or two a critique!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4304893

Review of Dog’s dally

Review by Rakkit

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:Dog's Dally

Hello!

I am reviewing you poem for my Rising Star's M2M review.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

If I could count the times my animals have chewed or messed up something they were not supposed to, I would impress super computers with my computational skills. I couldn't help but grin a bit and think, yeah....this is like my Kane.

Form/Style:

The Haiku sonnet was a hard one! I don't know if this was a poem you completed for the Rising Stars challenge, but I know that I had a hard time trying to keep up with the syllables in my poem. I like how you told a story within the poem.

Voice and Imagery:

I could picture the dog, chewing on what he knows he's not supposed to be chewing on.

cute!

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

None.

Suggestions:

I feel like the last stanza could use a little bit of work. It does not feel as thought out as the rest of the poem, but that is just my opinion. I'm not sure if 'wisdom' is the best word.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4296601

Review of Three Words or Two

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Review for:Three Words or Two

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your piece!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

This was unique. I liked it, and some of the phrasing was really nice.

Form/Style:

I like the way this sounds if spoken aloud.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

I didn't really catch anything

Suggestions:

I usually don't like poems with longer lines and single stanzas, but I think it works for this piece. The only suggestion I have is that perhaps "Don't go; I love you" is poignant enough to deserve its own line, but that's just my opinion.
Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4296587

Review of (Two) Minds of My Own

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Review for:(Two) Minds of My Own

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your ...story....?

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression :

Chuckle. Yeah.... I liked this. I thought it was cute, and a fun spin on a very difficult contest. I like the use of colors and visual as 'actions' when those aren't allowed by contest rules. Very, very smart. You rogue, you.

Suggestions:

Other than commenting on the fact that your ending offered us a philosophical dilemma/question without really offering one up, I have no suggestions. Good job.
Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4296580

Review of An Unworthy Vent

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:An Unworthy Vent

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your poem!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

A lot is going on in this poem. I can feel a fair bit of frustration going on.

Form/Style:

There is a good ebb and flow to your words and the stanzas. I liked it.

Voice and Imagery:

Things tied well together. I think I like the second stanza best.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

Other than the lack of capitalization in the letter 'i' in the second stanza (which I am assuming was intentional) I did not catch any typos or grammatical errors.

Suggestions:

No suggestions. Like your description says. This poem achieves its function as an vent for emotional pressure.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4296578

Review of Dear Me: Official Entry

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Review for:Dear Me: Official Entry

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your letter to yourself!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:
As far as rating, I don't think I can really 'rate' something that you are doing for yourself! This is purely for encouragement, and, boy, you sound like you belong to the procrastinator united club like me! (Tell me, have they decided on an official hand shake...yet...or are we still putting that off too?)

Take baby steps. One word, one sentence, one paragraph, one page, one chapter at a time, and don't get discouraged. Above all, that is the most important thing! No matter what--while the music is blaring and the WiFi is off--if that page remains blank, don't get upset at yourself. You are your best cheerleader, but you can also be your own biggest roadblock. Take things in stride!!!

Anyhoo, enough of the feel-goods from this fellow procrastinator. You get back to writing, and make sure you make good use of writing.com. This site and the peeps that use it can be a fantastic resource!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4296565

Review of Where My Heart Lies

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:Where My Heart Lies

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your poem!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

Actually, this made me chuckle. You have a good play on words that I quite easily caught.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

No typos that I found.

Suggestions:

This is short, but some poems need to be. The only thing I question is the need for the ' ' around the word 'lies'. I think the word play speaks for itself and the marks actually take away from the reader's ability to catch the turn of phrase on their own. But, that is only my opinion!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4294394

Review of AN UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTER

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for: An Unexpected Encounter

Hello!

I am reviewing you STORY/POEM/ETC for my Rising Star's M2M review.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

I liked this little snippet of a story. I wished a little bit more would have happened, or been described, but in all it was an enjoyable story.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

The narrator becomes an unwitting, and likely unwelcome, witness to something he does not understand in the middle of the forest. You do a good job describing the going-ons of a forest. I enjoyed my little glimpse into the day of the forest critters.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

Intrigued by the sound, yet knowing that i should leave, my curiosity best me and I stood there, silently listening (know that I should leave)

Suggestions:

As this is a flash fiction, I would work on paring down your words. For example, when you write,
Like a ghost, or apparition, I slowly crept along, stepping softly, not wanting to make a sound or let a leaf give me away. Instead of ghost, or apparition, just choose one of the words. I kinda like apparition myself, but that's just me. There are few sentences throughout the piece I feel you can shorten.

I also feel like you could describe the ceremony a little more. Give me just a little more forboding, or something else to go on. It doesn't have to be much, but something that may make the narrator/reader a little uncomfortable about what they've uncovered.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4294314

Review of Sleep.

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:Sleep

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your piece!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

I like this little piece. I can relate to the feeling of being alive in her 'world' and preferring being solitary.

Plot/Style/Voice:

No plot, per se, just a free write, and tons of voice. I picture someone bored and a little put out with the monotony of living, preferring instead the depth and imagination and escape her thoughts/worlds provide.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

Nothing, really except maybe to break this piece up a bit, but you would have to expand it a bit to make it longer than a paragraph. I actually didn't find accidentally broken grammar rules. (I mean, you have some sentence fragments, but I think you fully intend those.)

Suggestions:

I'd like to see more on this, perhaps you could even change the format. I'm not sure if you're a poetry person, but this would be fun to create as a poem. Just a suggestion.

By the way, I love the line: "Her greatest desire was to roam her dreams and then eventually burn along with them."

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4294311

Review of This is me!

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Review for:TITLE

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your POEM/STORY/ETC!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

I feel like you're telling a story that a lot of people can relate to. You do a good job in expressing frustrations and confusion in the poem.

Form/Style:

The style is interesting. I like your varying lengths of sentences. It provides a way for me to distinguish where I've read.

Voice and Imagery:

You have a unique voice and I like some of your imagery. One line in particular: "Give a rose with 12 petals...to express in 12 ways of every scar i have"... I like those lines.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

It's hard to discuss grammar with poetry, as grammar can be broken on purpose for the sake of emphasis. However:

* At the beginning, when you say: "I've done to much to walk away, and to less for me go unnoticed/To blind sided..." All of the 'to's' you have used, should actually be the word 'too'.

* sometimes you under case the word 'I', but I feel like that likely is on purpose, so I'm bringing attention to it on the off chance that it wasn't, but it isn't something that has to be changed.

* in the line "Iam what got made me" the words I am have no space.

Suggestions:

Your second line reads a bit awkwardly, like you may be missing a word. Perhaps you could look at it and see if that is true. Other than that and the few grammatical issues I found, I enjoyed your poem. Thank you for posting!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4294305

Review of Winter room temperature.

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:Winter room Temperature

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your haiku!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

Brrr....toes, nose, fingertips. It all goes numb in the winter! I know the feels.

Form/Style:

You follow the five-seven-five syllable rules for the haiku.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

The first line, I believe would read better as "A cold winter's day".

Suggestions:

None, other than perhaps fixing the first line. I like the little exclamation mark at the end. I'm not sure which is worse, honestly, numb toes or a numb nose!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4294257

Review of Broken Heartstrings

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Review for:Broken Heartstrings

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your poem!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

It was easy to tell your state of mind when this was written. I could feel the frustration, the hurt, the quiet anger that had been building up. You do a good job in exhibiting that.

Form/Style:

This was a bit different for me. I see a bit of free style poetry, but also attempts at rhyming structure as well. There's nothing wrong with having some rhyming elements in a free style poem--it can help with flow, and you do have some really good lines. As far as form, the lack of stanzas makes it hard to keep track for me, but that is just one of my personal preferences.

Voice and Imagery:

I particularly like the line "I've felt the breeze steal sun and the day". Good imagery!

Mechanics:

Other than my preferences for poetry to be broken into stanzas, I didn't see any issues with mechanics or typos.

Suggestions:

The poem achieves its goal of describing your place in thoughts/mind during a hard spot in your relationship. I'm glad (in your description) that the rough patch passed, but the poem does a good job in showing how much work relationships are and will always be. thank you for posting!!!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4294174

Review of Crystal Dream

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Review for:Crystal Dream

Hello!

I thought I would give you some feedback on your piece!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

This piece confuses me a bit. In your description, you let us know that it is a dream you've had many years ago, but that is all the back ground that has been provided. I'm not sure if you meant this to be a free-write piece or if I need to review for grammar mistakes as well.

Plot/Style/Voice:

The style is disjointed--which, given this is a recounted dream, isn't necessarily a bad thing. There isn't plot, and the voice to the piece is very 'telly', which again may not be the worse thing. I am not sure what your goal is.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

Other than yourself, there is one other character. There has been attempts made in physical descriptions, but there isn't much known about him.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:
YOUR WORDS vs MY WORDS/SUGGESTIONS

Darkness is all around, as I look forward a man in a black pinstripe suit is standing a few feet in front of me with snow white wavy collar length hair, I am feeling afraid. This is a run on sentence. 'Darkness is all around' is an independent clause, and cannot be separated with only a comma. You will need something else. In the same way 'I am feeling afraid' is also a independent clause and cannot be connected to the rest of the sentence with only a comma. There are similar grammatical mistakes throughout the piece.

Suggestions:

If this is a free write piece, then it works well. However, you should perhaps add a small note at the beginning, allowing your audience to understand that you are not trying for grammar or story writing, but rather trying to get your ideas down on paper. This is a good standalone free write piece.

If you are looking to make this a short story, or a flash fiction, I would work on first expanding it and making it longer than one paragraph. You can add more details between the sentences. Show us through actions, through different descriptions about this man and what he held that made you less afraid.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4279655

Review of Rúntur and Ragnarök

Review by Rakkit

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Review for:Runtur and Ragnarok

Hello!

Thank you for giving me a chance to review your poem!!! I assume you've read my review style and picked me because you like my snarky attitude? No? Oh...well, regardless, I will be taking this request seriously, so on to the meat of the subject, so to say!

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. As it is my opinion, I *happen* to like it, but you are more than welcome to disagree! Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

I caught a lot of references to the Norse mythology. (I mean, I would expect no less waiting for Ragnarok). This was fun to read, and I like the first line of the poem. Life is a smear of alcohol....it will hang you over like none other.

Form/Style:

The style is free form, and original. It was easy to follow.

Voice and Imagery:

The Norse imagery was fun to pick out. You did a good job balancing it out and using it to your advantage.

Grammar Nitpicking/Mechanics:

I didn't really catch any typos, honestly. I feel like the poem does what you intend it to do, and I don't have any suggestions.

Suggestions/What I liked:

No suggestions, but my favorite lines are:

Revelry is colorful.

Blood-rain tingling the Sky

Life is a fantastic smear of alcohol

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I'm hoping I've given you something to improve and gnaw at, or at least a giggle or two.

Anyhoo, I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4257246

Review of Numb

Review by Rakkit

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Review for:Numb

Hello!

I stumbled on this, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

Very nice. I felt the character's confusion from the beginning, and you did a good job guiding the reader (me) through what was happening.

Plot/Style/Voice:

The story flowed well, though some of it was understandably confusing as the main character drifted through the various stages of trauma and consciousness.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

Fantastic job describing the wreckage.

Grammar and Mechanics:

I didn't notice anything right away.

Suggestions:

For a piece of flash fiction, it reads well and complete. I don't have any suggestions and just wanted to thank you for a good piece!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4256687

Review of The Nectar Thief

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Review for:The Nectar Thief

Hello!

I stumbled on your poem, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

This was a fun little poem! This is the kind of thing I want to stumble onto at the end of a bad day, because it just seems to have a 'feel good' vibe to it. I found myself smiling at the end.

Form/Style:

This poem flowed well, worked well, and was just perfect for what you were going for.

Voice and Imagery:

I really could see the 'difference' in thought between you and the humming bird. My favorite line:

What is that, oh snap, did you just say a profanity?

Grammar Nitpicking:

I only found one mistake:

Do not come to close or I will flee!
((to should be too))

Suggestions:

Keep it the way it is. It was quick, cute, and made me happy!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4254827

Review of Atticus Albright - Chapters 1 and 2

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for: Atticus Albright

Hello!

I stumbled on your story, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

Okay, I thought this was cute. I loved the tongue in cheek humor--it was very underplayed, and I found myself chuckling. It has a good premise and I can tell you've put a lot of work in editing and fleshing out these characters.

Plot/Style/Voice:

Your style is refreshing, and I think you keep a consistent voice throughout the piece. I think your protagonists are spunky, quite enjoyable. I find their relationship with faults--and I like that! It's refreshing to see opportunistic friends that rely on each other through convenience that has developed into something more.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

Very believable dialogue. I didn't catch anything that sounded stilted, or forced.

Grammar and Mechanics:

I only caught one typo in my first read through:
“I’ll tell you once we get home — but can we make a quick detour?” she asked, reaching into her bag for the tired and true notebook they’d been using for the past few months.
(I think you meant TRIED and true)

Otherwise, this seems fairly polished!

Suggestions:

Okay, so I loved the premise, and you've got great voice. I think my only issue here is some of the 'telling' going on in the first little bit of the story. It gets a better flow near the end of the first chapter, but I think you've struggled a bit to find footing in the first bit. I completely understand (and enjoyed) the importance of setting up these girls' friendship and lives, but I feel as if I'm narrated to too much. Maybe we could gleam some of the beginning through actions, thoughts, rather than being told by the omniscient narrator.

Specifically, I find the three paragraphs right after: "Yeah, that’s true. Speaking of which, I had an idea for the next Atticus story.” need some work. Maybe have a little more conversation? Perhaps pare it down and allow some of it to reveal itself through dialogue/action through the next few chapters? Just some of my thoughts/suggestions.

I REALLY enjoyed this story, so please let me know if you work on it, or add to it. If you do work on this piece, I will come and re-review and provide an updated rating (I really debated between 4 and 4.5 stars because I felt like this has been really worked on). I would also like to read more of Atticus's misadventures

so I would review/rate new pieces as well.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4254813

Review of Butterflies Die

Review by Rakkit

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Review for:Butterflies Die

Hello!

I stumbled on your poem through review requests and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Emotional Impact:

I can definitely feel the frustration expressed. Your words paint a clear picture and is very effective.

Form/Style:

I love the line "You can see how a butterfly dies". This is surprisingly chilling. You use effective repetition--with a little work, I could imagine this as lyrics for a song.

Voice and Imagery:

Your voice is original, and the imagery right on the mark.

Grammar Nitpicking:

no nitpicks. Stylistically, I wonder if you would benefit from some punctuation to help with the flow if read aloud, but that is completely dependent on your intended audience and how you want to express yourself!

Suggestions:

I really enjoyed this poem--and I liked some of the rhymes As said before, I think this would work very well as a song. My only issue is the sudden 'change' between stanza 4 and 5. I feel like something is missing, like a few added stanzas allowing the transition for emotion for the subject of the poem. Again, just my opinion!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4089136

Review of The Last Guardian

Review by Rakkit

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Review for: The Last Guardian

Hello!

I stumbled on your story, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

I found this immensely amusing. At first, I thought Aliens? Ancient civilization? Nope...bugs...

Had I paid attention to your story's description, I may not have been so blindsided.

Plot/Style/Voice:

The story and style was original. I liked it.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

At first, it took me a bit to get used to the syntax used by the characters, but it made the ending all the more amusing. Also, using minimal descriptors of the setting was a good choice--it helped set this all up.

Grammar and Mechanics:

I didn't catch any mistakes. :)

Suggestions:

No immediate suggestions. I found this amusing and well written.

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4089129

Review of Touch of Magic

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for: Touch of Magic

Hello!

I stumbled on your story while perusing WDC, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

I saw a lot of promise in this little snippet of your story. Though I didn't have a lot of background for your character, I can tell she is someone of importance/history.

Plot/Style/Voice:

This is done well in third person POV. You do well in creating the setting.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

There isn't a lot of dialogue, but I like how you insert snippets of the mythology/mannerisms into her statements.

Grammar and Mechanics:

No immediate grammatical errors or typos were found.

Suggestions:

Consider removing some of your adjectives from your descriptions and actions. Rather than telling me your character is doing something 'slowly', show me instead by creating actions. Example: Sighing wistfully as a cool breeze ruffled her short dark hair, she wondered curiously at the nostalgic feelings within her. Consider something like this: Rena surveyed the scene around her as she sighed. A cool breeze tickled the nape of her neck and hairline as she cast her gaze down on the valley below, an unusual feeling of nostalgia settling on her shoulders.Goodness knows, you can come up with something better than I did, but I find botching someone else's words is about the only way I can explain my suggestions.

Also consider breaking your paragraphs up. I'm not sure if it's the formatting, the length of the paragraphs, or just my eyes being stupid (as my eyes often are)--but I would lose my place and have to come back and reread. However, it wasn't your flow of words or anything, because once I found my spot I was right back in the adventure!

In all, a good excerpt from whatever story/book you're writing. I enjoyed it!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4086395

Review of Blood-soaked Stars - Chapter 1 (1/4/15)

Review by Rakkit

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Review for:Blood-soaked Stars

Hello!

I stumbled on your story while scrolling through the random reads, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

This sounded like an interesting start to a book. I enjoyed being dropped straight into the story line, and I think that it kept a good pace. I enjoyed this read.

Plot/Style/Voice:

For a first chapter, this was a good introductory to the world and protagonist. I found this pretty easy to read and voice was good.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

Good job in setting description. Dialogue was believable.

Grammar and Mechanics:

I found a typo:

“Don’t worry, we’ll go first thing tomorrow!”, picking up his son. I think you've missed a word or two directly before the comma.

Other than that, I didn't catch much more. In all, the story flowed well and had a consistent style throughout.

Suggestions:

There were points where I felt like you 'told' rather than showing. One example is: “Shut up.” The sergeant angrily spouted, shoving Epouve against the wall again. Anytime you have an adjective or you have a character doing something with emotion, you can describe actions or tone that relay the same thing. Such as: “Shut up,” the sergeant spat. He dug his fingers into Epouve's shoulder and shoved him against the wall once more, the force sending quivers of pain along his bones. I think having a little more action/description may really immerse the reader into your story.
Anyways, I enjoyed your chapter and I'm glad to have found it. Thanks for sharing!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4083239

Review of Half Past Midnight

Review by Rakkit

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Review for:Half Past Midnight

Hello!

I stumbled on your story while perusing WDC, and I thought I'd send you feedback.

Note: please keep in mind that everything posted here is my opinion. Any stylistic suggestions that I give should be taken with a grain of salt.

Overall Impression:

I really liked the story from beginning to end.

Plot/Style/Voice:

You have a good style to your writing. It is fluid and easy to read. I don't have to stop and wade through descriptions and you have good pacing. You keep me guessing on where the story is going and what is going to happen--in a good way.

Scene/Setting/Character/Dialogue:

I feel immersed in your settings, and I think your dialogue is believable. I know quite a few individuals that mangle the English language to where there are more apostrophes than letters like Gary. Hell, I'm a culprit of it myself quite often. Your dialogue does a lot for character development, and I feel like a know them for the brief moments I meet them.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I didn't find anything to suggest here. There wasn't any noticeable grammar mistakes or typos.

Suggestions:

I love the ambiguity of the end, but I wish there was just a little more tease for the reader throughout the story. Not a lot and nothing major, but perhaps small descriptions or key words that really let us know what may be transpiring at the end.

Other than that, I found this to be very enjoyable!

Let me know if my ramblings make sense. I hope to see you around my port!

May your muses sing,

Corrine Shroud

This review has been submitted to:

STATIC

Good Deeds Get CASH!

(E)
Write reviews to win cash prizes!
#1908150 by Writing.Com Support

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .