You did a wonderful job with this piece. The intro was detailed enough to provide a mental idea of what the piece is about, and it was more than enough to keep me reading. I really liked the way that you cut the continuous rythem of the story with the tidbits about Gran. I thought it was refreshing and kept the first person acount from becoming monotonous.
You also did a good job on expressing the anger as a child without losing the nostalgic feel of the piece.
ex.
" wanted to hit Pauline, claw her face and bite her nice clean skin until it bled"
This is a wonderful insight into the mind of the individual
There is some fantasic imagery:
"She used to clear the dirt from between them with her finger, claiming “You could grow spuds with all the muck in there”. "
I clung to the half filled bin bag, like it was my Gran
because you have used a common refrence it compliments both, as there is a more emotional response triggered. I can see a little boy clinging on to his grandmother, i can envision her sweeping the floor after cleaning out the dirt. Was really well done.
I am very excited to see what come next.
Sincerley,
Britt
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fatgirraffe
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 11:54am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
