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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fireflyslocket
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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm just going to leave my feedback for all three parts here.

I think you're doing pretty well so far. This part has better formatting than the previous two (though you really only have to do spacing OR indents, not both). I noticed a couple of typos and punctuation issues with your dialogue bits. But nothing that takes too much away from the story.

The story is harder to judge, being that there is only a small amount to work with. I feel interested in what happens next, but not quite invested in what happens next, if that makes sense. I don't know the characters well enough to care about them, and the story doesn't have a strong enough hook. Yet. Like I said, it's hard to judge when you're not even a full chapter into a story.

My suggestion would be to eventually put all the parts of this chapter together, format them and read them over, and post them together. It's okay to work like this for now, but you're going to run out of portfolio space soon, and it's definitely a bit easier to give a review for a whole chapter at a time.

Keep going! I want to see where this is heading and for you to really pull me in. :)
2
2
Rated: E | (5.0)
I quite liked this poem. Reminds me a bit of a piece I wrote about spring, instead, and not being able to see the sakura blossoms from being blinded (literally or figuratively). I definitely felt like I could easily see from your words the picture you intended.
3
3
Review of August Highlights  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very inspiring, and I love the middle section.
4
4
Review of Where Did I Go?  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thought this was lovely. Visible aging is not something I've had to worry about (yet), but I felt very connected to the speaker's emotions. I feel poetry also often gets too complicated and obsessed with wording over the story it's telling. This didn't do that. The language is in service of the story the poem is telling you. And the story was beautiful.
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