Okay now this is just gettingt ridiculous... You are ridiculous awesome! I want your mind inside my head. I want to know how that brain and heart and mind of yours works. All I gots is this little, out of shape, fat hamster on rusty wheel just sitting there up there in my mind. You must be a professional writer, living it up big somewhere. If you have anything published I could buy please tell me so I can buy it and read it all the while trying to read your mind...
WHOA! I knew if I read one of your works that had a little more time and thought to it I would be blown away. I must be psychic or something. I love how you so greatly captured sleepless nights. You doze off and dream a bit of a wonderful dream, when you suddenly find yourself awakening mumbling in the dark. Mayber you're cussing, maybe your just sighing but still you lie awake again, unable to find sleep. I can certainly understand that and am there now. I love how your stories (poems) draw out a picture for the reader, taking them to where you are. You are truly a gifted writer. I have quickly become a fan of yours...
If I could fly,
I'd go to heaven, with why
Why her, why so young
Why didn't you tell me, her's would be a song unsung
Why before she breathed her first breath
Was she ripped, from my life, and put to death
Why???
i loved how this poem just flow so easily and seemingly effortlessly. It does not seem forced. The way you took the beginning of each stanza and related to the next was genius. It made the story of two lovers unfold so masterfully. I just really enjoy reading this piece. This is my fourth time reading it.
Question after question leaves the reader hanging until the next stanza. Greatly worded and still seemingly distrustful at the end. Almost like the monster and scars only you can see keep you back from letting your questions being answered. Nice rhythm and flow of words here.
The mispelling of what I am sure is supposed to be greet and not great at the end threw me off. As well as be maybe was supposed to be- by. The mispelling of words throws me but other than that it is a good piece of writitng. KEEP IT UP!!!
I do not know if I fit in one box. I have no idea what a conservative chiristian is. I do believe Jesus, The Only Begotten Son of The One True Living God, died for my sins and set me free, to serve him as HE wants me to and not as I want to. I am neither democrat or republican. Democrats for homosexual marriage and abortion, I have neither been for both, even before my salvation. The republicans are all, well seem all to eager to jump at a dollar bill and impsose harsh tax raises on the poor; i.e. Romney's new tax plan.
I am an ex- alcoholic, ex- drug addict, ex-thug, gangster, (whatever you wanna call it.). I am mexican american, BLOOD WASHED AND HOLY GHOST FILLED BORN AGAIN Christian! And I am Adolfo Cuevas Jr, nice to meet you. Also I am a son and uncle.
DANG YOU! What is gonna happen now. You left me hanging on every word until the next and then just left me hanging. Not cool dude not cool at all. By the way the story unfolded nicely. I only hope you continue the work on this story it is great. The frustration of Julia as it leaps off the page and makes it seem like there is someone else. The way Camden was totally oblivious until the meeting. Great story dude, keep it up.
I am a born again christian and it's not nah just playing. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! But really I am a born again christian and enjoyed the read. It was an excellent story. Ever read Frank Perritti's work. I think you will enjoy it. You had me mesmerized from the start. The story unfolded nicely. It started with memories but then a seemingly normal day turned into something more. It catches my attention, because if I had had the power to save my brother from his own hand, I would have. Great story and capture of emotions
WOW! A great story in the guise of a poem. Your word play soft and gentle gives the poem, the story the right tone. I thought you may have had regrets then as I read on, I know it has to be on the other side. Excellent story, excellent poem. Keep it up, you have such wonderful talent
Creepy!!! I enjoyed this read very much. A nice little twist on camping, funny in a way too... It was amazing the imagery you gave. Such talent. I hope my dark story comes to life like this. I don't know though if I have this much dark imagination as you have. This was and is a great story, can't wait to read more..
Sounds real personal. Cheating perhaps but anyway, I liked the way the mystery never unfolded. How clues were given,(maybe I am just reading too much in between the lines.), without revealing anything. You kept your expericne a mystery and told so much with saying so little. Very well written..
My is heart is breaking inside my chest
I gave her all of me, only my best
She reached in, saw what no one could
She was my hero, she was the good
You know that good thing that happens only once
That has the power to tear down walls and fronts
She saw past the laughter, past the facade
Past the smile, that was store bought
She was my air, and I breathed her in
She was my heartbeat, the reason to live
She was the sanity, to my mind
And I still couldn't trust her to be all of mine
She was my hero, and I gave her pain
She was, and will never be again
The good thing that happens only once
She was....
I loved your poem, so much raw passion and emotion you put into this piece. A good poem, a horrible experience...
This certainly brings me down. "failure anesthisizes us from the fear of un met goals'. What a way to put not giving up, but rather, growing complacent. "What's the use, Why even bother", O well... Just some of the things you said on here, have really hit home. Who hasn't been in that place? Perfect people maybe? I don't know but seems like a gut check on life, and the rut we can sometimes find ourselves in. Very good piece of writing.
Beautiful story. I have no children of my own, but I helped raised my nieces and nephews since they were babies. When I say help, I mean, stayed up til 4 in the morning, taking care of them when they got sick, and just got their days and nights mixed up. I was 14 yrs old taking care of my newborn baby niece, and have been there from the first word, and dreadly so to the first boyfriend, (who I might I add I wanted to strangle, for no apparent reason). I have seen her and the rest grow from dependant loveable children, to dependant disrespectful teens. The baby is now 17 and still hates when I call her baby. Anyway just wanted to share that to let you know how I could relate to that poem.
Great free verse first of all... I think maybe it's about a person, trying to be there for someone they care love and respect a great deal, but the one in need, doesn't want the said persons' help. But the person still leaves their hand out to help, because the love is there, no matter what the one in need says or does, the love from the one wanting to help is still there. Almost like a daughter or son, trying to help an ailing parent, who due to illness, has relinquished all dignity, and has made them bitter. Anyway, just my thoughts...
This is friggin' creepy. I enjoyed reading this contest entry. You have such vivid creativity, I was there right in the beginning, with you and then wanted to leave when Amy started taking Lucy across the street, I definitely did not wanna be there when mommy went there. So creeepy, and I am not easily creeped out. Good Friggin Job!!!
Todays' sorrow
Throws my mind into yesterdays' tommorrow
It has got to be better than today!
I think, as I wipe the tears away
This life is getting way too long
25 yrs. old and breathing in, way too wrong
Life is merely, breathing to death
And the end is only filled with regrets
The sun is now setting, and day turns to night
Maybe tomorrow, will be all right...
Interesting... The only word I know to aptly describe this piece of work... I really did not get the connection you were trying to make at first, as I was expecting, really a poem or a story... However, I noticed the word analysis, your point of view, and it was an excellent read... Harsh, but needed to be and needs to be said. I enjoyed how you compared the children and dolls to grown-ups and little plastic idols... It was good, rather it was Interesting..
Wow! simply amazing... A story unfolds so eloquently and so quickly... I can tell by this first work I will enjoy reading more and more of what your life and soul has to say... You have a real gift and I am not just saying. The ending, so very true I find myself at a loss for words here. Thank You for allowing me to read your work..
Wow! sold beautifully told... "Experience a death to their soul", though I have never been a dancer, I know what THAT part feels like... I lost out on my dream not just once but twice... The first surgery nearly destroyed that dream. But what that first surgery failed to do the second and third surgey, took my dream and with a cold and callous heart they killed it... I am glad you got to keep yours. I wish you well and I pray and hope that you can continue.... Righteous piece of art here so very righteous...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh to be able to remember that feeling. Remember that same fever, that same heartbeat, I can taste even now in my mouth as I write this review. Man you took me back to those days It was fun and exciting and O' so terrifying. What do I say? What should say I say? Hello (In a deep voice with one eyebrow raised). Hi, with a cute yet charming smile. Howdy, as I am from Texas. Oh man I sound really stupid, Oh man! Shes gonna think I'm stupid. HAHAHAHAHAHA! You took me back I tell ya what. A simple piece of writing, about firsts oh man, this is gonna be a great story. Keep it up... Just maybe a little bit more imagery and background and this will undoubtedly be a masterpiece.
Wow! Such discontent with waking up huh? Awesome, comes to mind as I finished reading this work of art... Escaping reality though I get that and the dreams well, though they make no sense alleviate the stress of the day and take you on a fantasy ride through the mind of what could be. Awesome Awesome Awesome...
Sad story. It was good, and put me right there in the room. I can almost feel the same way. The frustration, the sadness. The depth you put in this writing is awesome.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fitocue
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:50pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
