Hey real good story.
And you have cleared most of the myths of about the vampires too, really appreciate that. The Vampire race has always been confused to be brought by the Satan. As the story mentions, that they are just like normal in there own sense that is.
I would like you to add their reason for the fear of sunlight. i.e.
Vampires are cold blooded creatures and hence require lower body temperatures for optimal functioning, hence when they get into sunlight, due to the infrared radiation the temperature of the human blood present within them rises rapidly with gives the sensation of internal combustion. Hence they prefer the coldness of the night.
Also a good way to kill a vampire is to feed it blood from a dead corpse i.e from a person dead for a few hours. This is because, for a decaying body the blood begins to clot and which when in taken by a vampire would cause the blood running through his/her blood to clot too, due to the lack of functioning White blood cells. This shall leave the vampire in a state of paralysis and ultimately to death. The blood used must always be fresh.
Welcome to WDC
I believe this to be a real life incidence about someone you know or someone you heard right. And I too believe that truly there are hidden meanings behind every action of fate.
The errors in the piece are:
but a only a = but only a
crucial = unanticipated
Welcome to WDC
Christine, this piece is a bit juvenile but how may i judge you. I don't know your age but again, welcome to the house.
There are many typo errors in the piece. missing ';' at the end of first line. missing '.' at the end of second line. missing ',' just before "they got on the ..." mad = made. An extra '.' at the end of the piece.
There are some more but you might be able see them, if you read it again. And Keep Writing...
This is much better than the last one.
I have no particular reasons but i really do. This might be my state of mind too .
Perfect for ME !!! Roockie for life....
The picture is clear but still the cold could have been portrait more violent. The description here describes the calmness and stillness of the cold but in the end, you tried to show the fears related to the cold. And that messes a few things. If you know what i mean.
Overall, a great piece.
And also the Lune format is something new and enjoyable for me.
Nice approach towards to portrait of Life as a whole. But this piece lacks details, I know that this is one among your quick works. Like you just went with the flow of emotions.
There are many "," missing in this piece and i suggest that this could be easily modified into a good poem, as you have tried to make some sentences rhyme.
In thee third line, i believe that there should be a which.
Every second spent, is a second closer to death.
Truly magnificent.
I truly admire your writing.
The description is as wonderful as it can get. The idea of the world ending and the realization of death as the supreme truth is just wonderful. Roaches are not the thing of trouble here but the savior of life itself.
I really have a heavy heart after reading this story.
I truly believe that you are going to be quite famous here if you continue with such great pieces.
Wishing to see more of your work and hoping to see you excel in your writing.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fittizo
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 8:56am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
PROUD MEMBER OF "
missing ';' at the end of first line.
.