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Review of Portsmouth  Open in new Window.
Review by Fitzy3 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I would hardly classify this as a tentative start. The descriptions of surroundings and environment are terrific. The dialogue is more than engaging and your feel for the language top notch.

My only suggestion would be to tighten up some of the verbiage with more action oriented language. Example: In the third to last paragraph: -So much of what he had planned had involved that bit of information remaining under wraps.-

I would tighten that up to say...His plans demanded that bit of information remaining under wraps.
Getting rid of inactive words like "of what he had planned had involved that .....See, too many words and one gets lost in all that past tensing. I'm not saying the example I provided is better, it is just a suggestion in order to stay in an active stance using active language and cut down wordiness.

I am very much looking forward to the rest of the story. See I do it too...I look forward to reading more ....less wordy and says the same thing. Nice work.
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