I won't point out any grammical errors for this chapter. This will be more speaking of the direction of the story:
The current chapter does explore the intellect of the zombies and how they exist and survive. They noticeably do not migrate after being infected and are not cannibalistic.
I do wonder if there will be any other characters introduced in later chapters. If so, will the characters ever meet eachother or at least come full circle near the end?
I personally preferred the first chapter compared to this one. This was nice, but it felt too short. The overall chapter seemed to lack a certain type of substance. What I mean is that two chapters have passed, and there hasn't been much character development on Alex's behalf. It would be nice to see what his past was like (i.e. his backstory before the "outbreak" or if he has received any combat training.)
The current chapter does explore the intellect of the zombies and how they exist and survive. They noticeably do not migrate after being infected and are not cannibalistic.
I do wonder if there will be any other characters introduced in later chapters. If so, will the characters ever meet eachother or at least come full circle near the end?
The type of way that Alex's thoughts come out seem to reflect that he is also telling a story along with the narrator. This shows (in my opinion) that the story would do much better in comic/graphic novel format. Characters can more freely say their thoughts, whether they be interesting or benign, as they progress through their various journeys. It is a nice idea to pitch to any artists or cartoonists you find to collaborate with. The story right now is reminiscent of "The Walking Dead" series, but with more of an Ash Williams protagonist (minus the chainsaw).
Finally, it was just alright. You can definitely do better than this. I know you can.
To start off, i enjoyed this very much. The story is enthralling and the sentences have good synthesis.
I'm not sure if the first "sign" is supposed to be there in: "A sign couple of services signs on the highway gave Alex the idea to turn off of the highway and pull into the town of Morrisville."
There are several sentences that have a tendency to be repetitive after certain words are used multiple times. Might want to try use substitutes for these words: cooler, walking, grabbing, "let out a snarl", and running.
I noticed you like to make the characters do an actions "as" something else happens i:e, "gripping his handgun a little tighter as he looked through the darkness", "holding his side with his free hand as he walked" ,"howling loudly as it ran at him", "looking for the source of the moan as he slowly crept towards the door", and "The zombie let out a snarl as it leapt over the shelves in its way". While this is not a bad thing, overusing the same technique over and over might make the writing seem amateur. Just something to look out for in the future.
The words the character speaks probably shouldn't go in sync with the narrator's. When he says "let’s hope for the former", it makes it appear that he is aware of what the narrator is saying and therefore breaking the fourth wall. Also, when Alex says whats happening such as: "Sun's going down", it appears as if he's talking to someone other than himself. Maybe make him notice that the sun is setting and then let him say :"I’ll have to find somewhere to sleep soon"?
"Alex let out a sigh, exhaling the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in." My favorite sentence. Good writing in my opinion.
Alex, himself, is portrayed as being a strong, heroic figure. When i empathize with him, I do not feel fear in the situation he is in. Even after he is injured and fleeing, it does not appear that he is afraid. To manipulate to emotions of the reader, you have to use the emotions of the characters.
I apologize if any of this has come across as either harsh or condescending. I am trying to put it as delicate as possible.
In the end, there is alot of content in the paragraphs and everything meshes together well. It leaves itself with an conclusion like most chapter-to-chapter stories do (many old books such as Oliver Twist are like this, a quality i personally enjoy). I will continue to read this as it comes out.
Best of luck.
P.S. What is the final sentence about Death mean? Is it foreshadowing? How does it lend itself to the rest of the chapter?
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