Oh my gosh, the ending had me so sad. Poor Jonathan had finally found something that brought him happiness and it was taken away. My heart went out to him so many times throughout the story. I couldn't stand the way his father treated him.
I wish there was something more positive that would have taken place in the ending. Even if it was his dad treating him better.
I thought this was a cute story. You created characters that were relatable. I like that Javed was able to see past Saima's outside and see the potential beauty on the inside. I do have a few suggestions.
The appealing smell of tea waved from the kitchen. Change waved to wafted.
“Saima, won’t you go to office today?” An elderly woman asked.I would suggest inserting the in between to and office.
Nasira actually meant: “How old are you?” Even a month before, the thirty-six-year-old lady got a proposal from a forty- year- old. The relationship did not establish only because the man’s mother thought that Saima was “too old” for her son.I was kind of lost here. I didn't know if you were referring to Saima or Nasira. Towards the end I am assuming it is Saima because you mention her, but you might want to clarify that a little more.
Again, these are just suggestions. Thanks for sharing your story. Write on!
A lovely poem. It is so true when it comes to mothers. Their love is unconditional. Your mother must of cried when she read this. I know I would have if my daughter wrote this. :)
Wow, well happy birthday to you! Five years is a long time and I can see you love WD.C. I can understand why because I am new and I already love it. :) I hope you receive lots of seeds.
This is a cute story and I can see that it is a updated version of Cinderella. I am happy the little girl finally receives a birthday celebration. I just have a few suggestions.
Despite being older than the little girls, she was being just like a child. <-- you might want to change the sentence to she was acting just like a child.
When the teacher brought her home, Rimi felt like entering a palace. <--- you might want to change this to Rimi felt like she was entering a palace.
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