ooh! I like this a lot. I love the sequence of events as they pass, the rhyme the rhythm, the Sun Goddess, all of it.
Only one typo I caught, forgot the "l" in sleep in your description.
And actually, there's no need to state that this is your first poetry attempt. Any reviewer worth their salt isn't going to change what they have to say based on your experience writing. I think ommiting that part will only help add to the feel, because right now it interrupts any mood you try to set up with the title and body.
that is quite awesome! what a visual. I have a lifetime of experience as the outsider looking in when it comes to mental illness. My brother suffers from depression and asburgers. I have an anxiety and panic dissorder myself, but have found ways to cope well with it. I no longer avoid things because of it, and my life is lived to its fullest.
This was one of the most comrehensive looks into the world that so many live in day to day I have ever read. I couldn't have found better words myself. I love your wall example- it hits more than just the nail on the head!
I have found that the more I reach out, the more people are willing to reach back. I have found comfort when I needed it and given comfort when others needed it.
Well done just doesn't seem enough for this piece. What great thoughts of hope~Brittany
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