I think that this piece shows that you are able to take your emotions and express them through writing very well. This is a good thing because it means that many people will be able to relate to your writing style. I know I did.
I especially like the way you worded, "Forever is a day, Longing for tomorrow." The concept that life stands still when that other person isn't around was summed up by that line, in my opinion. This was very creative. Keep it up!
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