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23 Public Reviews Given
24 Total Reviews Given
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I'm good at...
Giving suggestions, praise, and being honest when reviewing. If you're looking for a "give it to me straight" kind of review - I'm your gal.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Comedy, Horror, Drama, Paranormal
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi
Favorite Item Types
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Public Reviews
1
1
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hi, Jeff Author IconMail Icon! I was peekin' in your port, and came across this little gem. Below you will find my thoughts (i.e. Review) of your item!

*Heart*What I loved*Heart*


*Heart* This flows so beautifully. It rolls right off the tongue. It's absolutely a joy to read.

*Heart* Such a beautifully sad poem!

Rhythm/Meter


*Heart* As I stated above, the rhythm/meter is amazing. Very, very well done!

Rhyme Scheme


*ThumbsUpL* You followed the rhyme scheme perfectly. Your rhymes are not dull or overdone at all. Just another part of a beautifully written poem.

Emotional Content


*HeartBroken* There is such a sad tone to each line of this piece. Some poetry requires that you really dig deep to find the emotional aspect - but pieces like this offer up the emotion so easily, it would be hard to miss it. Poetry without emotion isn't poetry at all (in my opinion). *Smile*


Imagery


*ThumbsUpL* The imagery is clear and vivid. It is not hard to relate to at all.

*StarBl*My Suggestions*StarBl*


*No* I actually don't have any suggestions. This is a beautifully written poem.


*Thought*Final Thoughts*Thought*


I think I've said it all. You have a beautiful [though sad] poem here. It is full of emotion and imagery. The rhyme scheme and rhythm are both wonderfully done. I would not make any changes. Job Well Done!

As always, Write On!


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To understand how and why I review the way I do:
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2
2
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi, Observant Expressions Author IconMail Icon! I was peekin' in your port *Reading*, and found this little gem. Below you will find my thoughts (i.e. Review) of your item!


*Heart*What I loved*Heart*


*HeartBl* I love that this is divided into distinct sections. It really seems to make the points hit home.

*HeartBl* I love the raw honesty. This is not often part of the conversation that we see - but you have brought it to the forefront of the discussion. *ThumbsUpL* Great job!

*Heart* Your Line: But it was so irrational--the rest of me. I love this line. It stuck out for me and really hit a string of commonality.


Rhythm/Meter


*ThumbsUpL* This seems to follow a basic rhythm. It is easy to read and doesn't have any major hitches to it.


Rhyme Scheme


*No* There is no rhyme scheme


Emotional Content


*Thought* Gratitude. Frustration. Relief. Though the emotion doesn't hit you like a freight train, it is there, just under the surface. And while I wasn't overcome with emotion (no tears or laughing out loud), I didn't have to "search" for what I felt. I think this is a pretty direct approach with pretty believable emotions embedded into it.


Imagery


*Heart* Your Line: Hands on my head and weeping As a mother, I can completely relate to this. It presents a very clear picture.


*StarBl*My Suggestions*StarBl*


Your Line(s): from the environment.
My Suggestion: from her supporters
*Thought2* When I think of environment, I think of everything around me. But, as you have said that so many PEOPLE told her to "keep that baby" as if they are "supporting" her, I think "supporters" would pack a much more powerful punch.

Your Line(s): "keep living, you're mother's baby".
My Suggestion: "keep living, you're Mother's baby".

Your Line(s): I don't about the others
My Suggestion: I don't care about the others

Your Line(s): "life is good" until it aches.
My Suggestion: "life is good" until it ached.
*Thought2* The change of tense here should be corrected. *Smile*

Your Line(s): I have to be the one to do it, --- in addition to and when no one says it.
My Suggestion: I have to be my own upholder, --- when no one will do it.

Your Line(s): Anti-depressant and miracle cures --- for anxiety now grew on trees in the park
My Suggestion: Miracle cures for depression and anxiety --- now grow on trees in the park

Your Line(s): and it was legal
My Suggestion: and it is legal

Your Line(s): Finally, life is finally,
*Thought2* I would use a line break after the first 'finally' here, instead of just a comma. It will really accentuate the relief!


*Thought*Final Thoughts*Thought*


*Heart* I love this. I think you have a great little gem here and with a touch of polishing, you'd have a real diamond! Great job and Write On!

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To understand how and why I review the way I do:
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3
3
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey there, Angus Author IconMail Icon, I came across your short on my newsfeed and thought I'd take a peek! Below you will find my honest and [hopefully] helpful review. Are you ready? Here we go ...


Plot/Storyline


*Heart* I love this little story-line. It is raw and, while holding a bit of a comedic tone, it has an underlying darkness to it as well.

Flow


*ThumbsUpL* This flows wonderfully. No hiccups at all.

Originality


*Ribbon* This is about as original as it gets. I've yet to read anything like it!

Characters


*ThumbsUpL* The "voice" of this tree ... so much personality! And to think - you were able to create such a vivid character in so few words! Very well done!

Emotional Content


*RibbonB* The bitterness and anger is literally dripping from your writing. It makes one heck of an impression!

Miscellaneous Suggestions


Your Line: Then you’ll fill my arms (or what’s left of them) to the breaking point with bulbs and strands of garland and strings of lights and popcorn and old family heirlooms that have been handed down for generations and the ‘cute’ little things that the kids have made in 1st and 3rd grade and all those other gaudy ornaments that you don’t even know where they came from, after which you’ll toss little shiny strings of tinsel all over me.
My Suggestion: Then you’ll fill my arms (or what’s left of them) to the breaking point with bulbs and strands of garland and strings of lights and popcorn and old family heirlooms that have been handed down for generations. You'll add the ‘cute’ little things that the kids made in 1st and 3rd grade and all those other gaudy ornaments you think are 'beautiful', not even knowing where they came from, before you finally toss little shiny strings of tinsel all over me.

Your Line: Then, in a ‘crowning’ moment, you’ll place an angel or a star on top of my head (nice touch!)
My Suggestion: Don't forget the period at the end!

Your Line: You’ll forget about me and I’ll sit there for a month while I stiffen up and parts of me fall off from all my bodily fluid evaporating.
My Suggestion: You’ll forget about me and I’ll sit there for a month while I stiffen up and parts of me fall off as my bodily fluid evaporates.


Final Thoughts


*Heart* Your Line: Give me a break! You won’t even see the real me! I’ll have so much makeup on I’ll look like a botanical prostitute!
*Thought2* I LOVE this line! Really love it. It made me laugh and the imagery is FANTASTIC!

*Thought* Overall, I think this is simply brilliant. Job very well done!

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To get a better understanding of how and why I review the way I do:
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4
4
Review of The Bridge  Open in new Window.
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey-ya Angus! Thanks for sharing your writing with me!

I really enjoyed this bite of fiction. Not only did it make me laugh, but there was a little bit of twisted darkness to it as well. That, combined with comedy is always a great read.

I noticed the bolded words and thought they were used well.

I didn't see any errors, which always makes for a smooth read.


All-in-all, this is a fun and interesting little read and I enjoyed it!


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To get a better understanding of how and why I review the way I do:
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5
5
Review of Power  Open in new Window.
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Hello Jordyn Young Author IconMail Icon, thanks for sharing your writing! Below you will find my honest and [hopefully] helpful review. Are you ready? Here we go ...


*Thought2* Writing flash fiction can be a real bear! It is often very hard to fit a "full story" into such a small amount of words. However, I am a lover of flash. I love to read flash and I love to write flash. To me, it is challenging and in a class of its own.

*QuestionR* Did you follow a prompt? Was there a maximum word count? Though flash is always short, there is a great need for much detail. Do you have "room" to add some more detail?
*ExclaimG* What is the intent of the person following?
*ExclaimG* Where is "the track" and why are there no other paths?
*ExclaimG* Why is his voice in your head and not in your ears?
*ExclaimG* Does the ground rise up to meet you? Why "halfway"?


Your Line: The cliff falls away across crumbling rocks in front of my feet and I have reached the end of the track.
*Thought2* This line is very wordy, but doesn't actually paint a clear picture. Try using a short, but clear, description to show the reader.
My Suggestion: I had reached the end of the trail. My toes stuck out over the edge of cliff and my arms stretched wide as I tried to gain balance.

Your Line: The voice I hear behind me is drawing nearer and there isn’t a path left to escape.
My Suggestion: Behind me, his voice draws near. My heart is pounding. There is nowhere to hide.

Your Line: His hand reaches for my clothes and I tear them free as I debate my options, the certain death of the shattered rocks in front of me or the clawing hands behind me.
My Suggestion: He reaches for me. Time stands still. There are only two options - my body bent and broken, shattered on the rocks below, or the unknown fate found in the clawing hands behind me.

Your Line: His voice sharp in my head, my hand grabbing his shirt, my foot steps onto the thin air and we are falling.
My Suggestion: His voice is sharp and echoing in my head as my body contorts and my fingers curl around the cool silk shirt he is wearing. My foot slides, stepping into nothingness and together, we are falling.

Your Line: The ground meets us halfway.
My Suggestion: His words make sense, finally, as my body smashes against the rocks ... "Stop! The rocks are not stable here! You will fall!"

*QuestionY* Your item's description really threw me off. I was looking for some sign that the person chasing your character was evil. I didn't get that feeling. I tried to show you, with some of my suggestions, how easy it is for a reader to think something of their own, when you don't fill in enough spaces for them.

Overall, I think you have great bones here. Add some details and fill in some spaces. Remember that writing "flash fiction" doesn't give you permission to leave things out - it just makes it more challenging to fill them in! *Bigsmile* I know with a little work, you will have an amazing piece here! I hope you will let me know once you have had a chance to make some edits!

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To get a better understanding of how and why I review the way I do:
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6
6
Review of A Petulant Life  Open in new Window.
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Chasing Grace Author IconMail Icon, thanks for sharing your writing! Below you will find my honest and [hopefully] helpful review. Are you ready? Here we go ...


*BurstBL* First Thoughts *BurstBL*


*Thought2* This is a sweet little piece about the end of life. I believe you have hit the nail on the head with the thoughts that many have as they lay on their deathbeds.

*BurstBL* Suggestions *BurstBL*


Your Line(s): The small room was poorly lit, the air stale and at moments stifling.
My Suggestion: The small room was poorly lit, the air stale and at moments, stifling.

Your Line(s): For in spite of the warmth of the room her small frame quivered, and her skin felt cool to the touch.
My Suggestion: Despite the warmth of the room her small frame quivered, and her skin felt cool to the touch.
*Thought2* Your use of "for" caught my attention. It seems wordy and though you did not use it many times, in such a short piece, even three times jumps out and seems very repetitive.

Your Line(s): She heard them speaking... Those who stood or sat about her, but she couldn't make out their words.
My Suggestion: She heard those around her speaking, but couldn't make out their words.


Your Line(s): It was raining, she was sure of that for the sound of the drops beat against the roof and window.
My Suggestion: It was raining, she was sure of that, for the sound of the drops beat against the roof and window. OR It was raining, she was sure of that; she had always loved the sound of the drops beating rhythmically against a window.


Your Line(s): And at the moment.. the wave of feelings washed over her like a raging river overflowing its mudded banks.
My Suggestion: And at the moment, a wave of emotions washed over her as powerfully as a raging river overflowing its muddy banks.


Your Line(s): Her heart felt as if it were breaking, it was then she began to pray, for it was all she had left to cling to. She knew her time left on earth was fleeting.
My Suggestion: Her heart felt as if it were breaking; amidst the pain, she prayed. She knew her time left on earth was fleeting and prayer was the strongest rope she had to hold.


Your Line(s): Even in my best moments I now realize how utterly vain they were.
My Suggestion: Even my best moments, I now realize how utterly vain they were.


Your Line(s): As Violet lay motionless, a soft breeze wafted over her.
My Suggestion: As Violet lie motionless, a soft breeze wafted over her.


Your Line(s): Many of those pathways were rugged and perilous, so much heartbreak, so much needless pain.
My Suggestion: Many of those pathways were rugged and perilous; so much heartbreak, so much needless pain.


Your Line(s): I have loved you through it all, and now you begin the final journey home, and I will welcome you with open arms.
My Suggestion: I have loved you through it all, even now as you begin the final journey home. Rest easy, dear Violent, I await you with open arms.


*BurstBL**BurstBL**BurstBL**BurstBL**BurstBL*


*BurstBL* Final Thoughts *BurstBL*


With a little polishing, this will be a wonderful short work. You have great bones here - and the story has the potential to really pack a powerful punch! Good luck to you and I hope you are able to turn this into the gem it's meant to be! *Smile*

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7
7
Review of Hope  Open in new Window.
Review by FrankieB Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello , thanks for sharing your writing! Below you will find my honest and [hopefully] helpful review. Are you ready? Here we go ...


*NoteP* Plot/Storyline *NoteP*


*BulletV* I found this an interesting little bite. I definitely think it could be polished, expanded upon and a full-length story could be born from it!

*NoteP* Grammar/Spelling *NoteP*


*PenB* There are quite a few punctuation and grammar errors. Though I won't point out every single one, I have listed a few below:

*BulletGr* There was once an astonishing goddess with the darkest, most enchanting hair in the world.

*BulletGr* However, she was so quiet and solitary that she brought upon despair to any human she touched.

*BulletGr* Despair and cChaos broke apart and the child had lived with Despair.

*BulletGr* Despair had not one name for this child. Wwho grew into a strong willed beautiful young woman.

*BulletGr* However the other gods told Despair that it was time to place the young demigod onto earth and to live there on her own.

*BulletGr* Her light amber eyes changed to a scotch color and she told Despair she understood.

*BulletGr* So, Despair sent her out to Earth, but not before telling her child that she has had found a name.

*NoteP* Originality *NoteP*


*ThumbsUpL* I believe you have some very original ideas and would like to see them expanded.

*NoteP* Length/Wordiness *NoteP*


*Thought2* I think much of what you have written here is based on an idea. However, the wordiness (stretching for adverbs, for example) doesn't do it justice. In this case, telling the story itself would be much more beneficial than adding the flowery prose.

*NoteP* Miscellaneous Suggestions *NoteP*


*PenB* Here you will find a few of my "thoughts" and suggestions to help you think through your edits. Please discard any ideas you don't like and feel free to use those you do.

*Thought2* The first line is very cliche, much like "once upon a time." Try opening with a sentence that will grab the reader's attention and make them want to read more. Perhaps something like: Despair, goddess of hopelessness, stared into the amber eyes of her newborn. So different from herself, the demigod child had locks of honey hair ... etc.

*QuestionR* Why do the other gods want Hope to live on Earth? I assume it is "to choose her own destiny," but the way it is written doesn't make that 100% clear.

*QuestionY*
"Despair was heartbroken and devastated, the amber haired child tasted black licorice and anise for days while only smelling smoke and anger."
[Why is the child/Hope tasting black licorice and smelling smoke and anger? Separate these two thoughts and clear up the idea some. I think I understand where you are going with it, but one cannot leave it up to the reader to fill in all the blanks.]

*Thought2* What differentiates "amber" and "scotch" color-wise? To me, there is no significant difference so this seemed hard for me, as a reader, to imagine.

*BulletGr*
"She told hope that as long as she thinks of her name and remembers that the clouds taste like cotton candy and rain will always be fresh and take place of Hope's tears she will never forget where she belongs."
[This is an incredibly long run-on with several different pieces of important information. Break this up and really spell out the importance of her name. Isn't that the whole point?]

*Thought2*
"Hope nodded and descended to earth where humans took her in gladfully and Hope had given human life the gift of an emotion that would fill their bellies without eating."
[Does an emotion really fill our bellies? There has to be a much better analogy to get your meaning across. This is a stretch for the reader.]

*BulletGr* However she was so quiet and solitary that In her quiet solitude, she brought upon despair to any every human she touched.

*NoteP* Final Thoughts *NoteP*


The idea is wonderful and I think you have a gem here. It definitely needs a bit of polishing, but with that, I believe you will have a diamond! Keep up the great thinking - never stop polishing, and always Write On!

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