This is a great poem, full of the longing and truths of this day. I doubt the memory of her will be lost to you...my own brother died and I haven't forgotten yet and it has been decades.
Your writing is so touching. Thank you for sharing this.
This is so good, especially after reading so many books which tell stories of how it was....thinking "those were some days". To think about stockings to pantyhose to now...my goodness.
I have been to Manchester...though it was not as long ago as you wrote!
I really have no constructive criticisms of your writing. It seems clear to me you have taken editing quite seriously. I really enjoyed the dialogue, it seemed very real and at times I forgot I was reading. The characters seemed to be fleshed out so well! I "heard" their voices in my head. Well done.
I can nitpick yet choose not to. I am flattered you ask me to review this, and happy to do it for...NADA!
Thanks for a great beginning to what would not be a great day! Hah!!
I'm just visiting Ken's place, thinking about all of the men from my life that no longer walk among us in body. Bless you Ken and Lance. This poem was written the day after my husband died...and now Ken is running with him.
I am returning the review you were kind enough to do for me.
I understand the point of this small essay, and the simplicity of the message is important.
Having said this, there are a few things I found disconcerting (about the writing part):
1. This piece needs more editing, try not to have so many unnecessary words, like: "that", which is often just a filler word, as is "and".
2. Mentioning Brahm's Lullaby in the opening referral would have made the piece instantly familiar to most readers.
3. The lack of necessary punctuation in many sentences.
4. You wrote, "Having recently had a Grandson at the hospital, you quickly remember how simple an individual shows up at the birth." I trust you mean the newborn, but it is unclear, it may well have been you.
I'd be happy to come back and review it again when edited. Loved the analogy, just needs more work.
Having just turned 60...cough...sputter...I enjoyed your take on it, even though I can see you flew past it already.
"Late Middle Age" Yep, I'll go for that. Thanks for an entertaining and well written read in the comedy newsletter. I had one in too...when I thought 55 was old.
Wow, what a story. I didn't find it clumsy, but real. You do such complex, interesting young people. I'm in awe. Thank you. I read it on your freebie, bigger print, lol.
I absolutely loved this. It is so flowing and honest, it moved me. My mother buried my brother, and took his daughter as her own, even adopting her. Your Mimi was from Kansas, so was my mother. Mine passed away four years ago. I hope the speech I made was so beautiful.
I remember bottles of milk. I loved the use of "darksome", so very descriptive. Making the fridge such a scary place, and done very effectively in a short descriptive poem is brilliant, not to mention the surprise ending!
Dear Rod,
You have an easy, conversational style in this piece which I think is outstanding. You've come up with some great descriptive teminologies for the old and tired ways we are used to seeing when it comes to the "s" word. For example: "There was plenty of sheetriding during that period." What a great term. Then there's "There were things like "eight page bibles," little books of graphic cartoons that showed explicit stuff." I'd be willing to bet there's at least one, if not two generations who never heard of this. "Playing Marco Polo under a skirt" had me laughing outloud, I's so forgotten this term! I'm sure your musings on the topic will have quite afew heads nodding in agreement, and it is important that these so called surveys be put into their proper perspective, which you have done with candor and humor. It's very refreshingly honest.
I also like that you used euphanisms of today, "duh" couldn't be more appropriate!
As your last line stated, "It's the nature of things." The best part is that this "nature of things" also can last a lifetime!!!
Thank you for sharing this, a fine piece of writing.
Sincerely,
Nada
What a marvelous piece! I love it when seemingly ordinary people find a way to make themselves more memorable, in a positive way! It's wonderful to have a writer as you are, pluck them out of the crowd and let others know about them! Maybe you should do a newsletter or column with these little gems, on a regular basis! Great job!
Truly,
Nada
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