What a sweet story and not at all generic because of the surprise ending. I have written a few fantasy stories for my children and they as well as others who have read them love the happy endings. It is so nice to read a fairytale written for the innocence of children. "Happily ever after" just doesn't seem to appeal to people much anymore over all the zombies, vampires and so on. Thank you for giving me such a delightful read! Feel good stories are few and far between. :)
I very much like this poem. Its anthropomorphism refernces suit the subject matter of the poem extremely well. Many years ago when I was a teenager, I wrote a poem entitled A STONE THAT CAN SEE which approached the idea as the old saying goes "to stop and smell the roses". People are always in such a hurry that they don't notice all the beauty around them but a stone that could not move appreciated all the beauty around it and felt pity for all the scurrying people. You have applied the same theory but from a different angle that the stone needed to realize it was made of many things that made it special just as many people need to take stock of all their pluses instead of just their negatives. Very good!
Oh, I really like this!! I love horses and I have owned eleven of my own but only one racehorse who was retired. His name Successful Glory sadly belied his racing ability and coupled with abusive trainers and jockeys, Glory was a basket case by the time we rescued him. I think he could have been so much more but either way, except for his phobias he was a good horse. I love horse racing but more from the joy of watching these beautiful animals in motion. This is a great piece that proves the people tend to underestimate a horse too often. I really liked your portrayal of the owners and I am glad in the end the horse proved them wrong. Thanks for sharing this! Keep writing!
I have mixed feelings about this piece. First, let's go to the good news. As I am sure you have been told before, you have a great deal of talent! It takes a certain kind of writer to be able to write this kind of work. You have done a good job of keeping the action moving, with short enough explanations to keep the reader advised. It flows along smoothly and I really enjoy that. In the overall, it is a very good piece except at the end. True you have explained why the main character could have a gun even though he has surrendered both weapons on his physical self but the ending maybe too abrupt for some readers. If it is your desire to catch the reader off guard, you succeeded. The reader has to back up and think. I like that but will everyone? Writing is like food, as it may not be palable to everyone, but the intention is try and please as many as you can. I am not sure the brevity of the ending line will do that.
Write on.
Easier said than done. I lost my oldest child five years ago at the age of 38 (his age) and the grief has changed me forever. It is a beautiful poem though!
As a former convenience store manager and cashier for over twenty years, I understand every single point you make and you are so right. A lot of people don't realize that being a convenience store clerk is probably one of the most dangerous jobs in the world and in many ways, the poorest is personal satisfaction of a job and one of the lowest paying. Talk about multi-tasking!!!! A lot of people think that convenience store clerk and wait staff are stupid because that is probably the only job they can get. Wrong! I did it to help feed our three kids while my husband worked as a restaurant general manager, another almost thankless job. I put myself through the rest of my college years while I worked and my husband went back to college as soon our youngest was grown. We took insults and gruffiness from customer, suspicion when the inventory did not balance exactly right, and very little moral support from the companies. I am retired now and he is as well but neither of us have forgotten the early years of those jobs. Like you I got to know several fine co-workers (though never get too attached because the turn over is high) and some great customers. I have had beer runs,, gas run offs and once robbed at gunpoint. I survived but it is never a job I recommend for a long time career. You captured it perfectly here. Kudo and write on!
This should be interesting. I am from New Orleans but displaced by Hurricane Katrina. I spent years studying the city and the culture as well as the history of Oak Alley itself. Kinda reminds me of Twelve Oaks in "Gone With The Wind." I have written many things about the city, including short stories of older times and a modern day murder mystery. If you want to check out one at my port read Eerie Things. I will be back to read your next chaper at a later date.
Only suggestion...use more original names like Hebert, Charbonnet, or Zerinque as your characters last names. Thibodeaux or Brossette...even Boudreaux...lol. Keep writing. Freewind
A lovely story...thanks for sharing. We have a new family member named Orange Sherbert (for his color) and we will neuter him soon to keep him from roaming. He is such a sweet cat and he seems right at home here. We have two spayed female house cats and two dogs and Sherbert gets along with all of them very well. Like your cat, Sherbert is a very special gift indeed!
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