This story seems a lot like an online roleplay. The character is interesting, yet the very stereotypical online roleplaying type. The story is very familiar... Guy at a tavern, shrouded in mystery and the token black coat, lurks in the shadows, etc. it's been done over and over again. I'm sure you have better stuff in you than that.
I'd run spell check on this. When you change a verb ending in 'e' to an action verb, be sure to drop the 'e'. Like in 'choking' and 'dodging', which are both misspelled in your story.
You have talent, but you may want to brush up on some basic grammar and really stretch you imagination. What you have is a good start and i think with some more work, you will have a very interesting story.
write on!
-Tegan
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ganlynde
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:59pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
