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Review of The law man.  Open in new Window.
Review by Garrett Granger Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
This seems like a solid draft to hone something rich from and probably build on. The wife feels a little more fleshed out characteristically than James, but James is clearly the protagonist, so that feels a little off. I think James could use more specific and identifiable traits reflected in what his reactions, speech, and thoughts are; a bit less generic.
The back-and-forth between James and Lindsay, with her summarizing his ramblings so succinctly, is good stuff. That provides an element of connection I find relatable.

I would recommend an exercise in taking every sentence, one at a time, and reconstructing it in a way that doesn't require as many words while avoiding cliches. This isn't to say the whole thing should be scrapped and rewritten, but forcing yourself to do this might reveal some hidden plot points you didn't think of previously, character traits, stylistic quality considerations, etc. In fact, this is probably the perfect size for that.

Keep going!


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