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1
1
Review of The Lost Coin  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Amethyst Snow Angel:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Good practice in formatting. It's easy to read and follow.

*Content I like this children's story. It has a great lesson in honesty.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I see you did well in proofreading and paying attention to the standard practices in English composition before uploading your work. It is flawless.

*Point of View (POV) Third Person Point of View works well with this genre.

*Element of Conflict Penny and Andy had a different perspective on what to do with the unique coin Andy found in the yard while playing ball. Andy was kind of selfish in wanting to keep the coin to himself while Penny was interested in having one herself. They decided to keep it until their next-door neighbor friend came looking for his lost coin. Andy was hesitant to return the coin to him but thought better of it.

*Climax Andy decided to return the coin to Peter and Peter rewarded him for it. What a beautiful story to teach a lesson in honesty.

Spelling
Here is a snippet I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"Wanna play?" He called. ["Wanna play?" he called.]

(Note: I'm not sure if a question mark that finishes the quote would be an exception to this rule. I'll have to do more research on that and get back to you.)

Attribution/Dialogue tags
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Change your tag to lowercase to make a complete sentence as above shown.

*Dialogue
Your dialogue created the entire story from beginning to end. You showed your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Well done, Amethyst Snow Angel.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This is a delightful story for children to read. It will teach them the value of honesty. Great work. Keep writing. You have a knack for appealing to children's formative years.


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2
2
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LightinMind:
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I found the title of your piece intriguing. I couldn't resist reading it. Here are some comments for you to consider when you decide to revisit for revision and improvement.

*Formatting Good formatting applied. Makes reading easy to follow.

*Content If it is a competition between diamonds and trees for humanity to thrive as this narrative suggests, the earth with its waters and trees wins the score. Niobe found that out from her lab research and nobody can argue it. When she realized Gaius Gambino convincingly sided with her by comforting her with his hug, it was the turning point that put tears in her eyes. So the scenario ends with a kiss! How sweet!

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Here's a snippet I cut and pasted for you to consider tweaking for clarity and readability:
Hermes Prime remained unattractive to Niobe, a biology student, however, because there was very little life on it outside the two or three human settlements. [...student; however, it was because...] [Revise by replacing the stricken part highlighted in red with the revision in colored green.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author; moreover, dialogues beat reading a boring narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that I am not a grammarian; additionally, these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take them with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I am not a Sci-Fi fan but I appreciated your talent in writing this out-of-the-norm story juxtapositioning the earth and the heavenly body. Keep writing, LightinMind. You have a knack for wordsmithing.

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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Sum1:

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Hey, Jim: It's Winter Anniversary Review time and I picked this story you wrote because the title caught my eye.

Formatting Well formatted. Easy to follow and understand.

*Content We do see and meet good-hearted people along our life's pathway. They are a treasure to humanity. My late husband has done the same thing every time we go out for Sunday brunch. He pays the tab for the young men in military uniform who happen to be having brunch, as well. It was his token of gratitude for their service to our country. He was in the US Marines, as well as with the US Air Force during his time.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation You're a pro. You know your tools.

*Point of View (POV) Third person POV worked well here.

*Element of Conflict The mother who offered to pay for the tab was a total stranger and the amount was nothing to sneeze on. But, she was willing to pay. She was indeed a good Samaritan. God bless her caring and giving heart.

*Climax They were surprised your bill was paid by a stranger and wanted to know why.

Spelling No spelling mishap I see.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
Of course, you know these are from one reader's point of view. Moreover, I'm not a grammarian. As such, take it with a grain of salt.

*Over-all take away Thank you for sharing this poignant and relatable encounter you had at the restaurant. By the way, I seldom (if ever) give a 5-star rating but your work is an exception to my rule.

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4
4
Review of Strangers  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Josh:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Your formatting looks good. It's easy for the eyes to follow.

*Content Your story is deeply relatable and poignant. it touches the heart and soul of humanity. Forbidden relationships have a part of life that nobody can explain. It can make or break the family dynamics and values held by our ancestors. So what is life but a mixture of ups and downs, failures and successes, hopes and dreams. It is a race with stumbling blocks along the way. Some runners fall by the wayside; some barely make it to the finish line; while some others may shout out: Arrived! Yet in all these things, there is hope. A longing that keeps us pushing forward and keeps us alive!

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation This exercise is well organized and observed standard English writing techniques.

*Point of View (POV) First person Point of View is well applied here.

*Element of Conflict She was divorced twice and you were married when you were carrying on a forbidden relationship according to the norm. Moreover, you found out later that she never wanted to be anyone’s possession ever again, which made you realize that you should have known her better.


*Climax Finally, you found her with another man which ended the relationship for good.

Spelling
I see no misspellings or annoying typos I can pick on. Good proofreading job.

*Dialogue
Try to employ internal dialogue to show your conflict within yourself as this is written in a First Person Point Of View. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away Good introspective writing, Josh. This is like a catharsis for your wounded heart and soul. Thanks for sharing your innermost feelings and bright hope for tomorrow.


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5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Kieran1998:

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It's Winter Anniversary Review time and I picked your story to review and offer you my takeaway.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting You observed proper formatting technique in this exercise.

*Content There is extra repetition of your main character's age referring to Lillian as a "middle-age" woman/blond at least eight times.) Avoid underestimating your readers and spoon-feeding them along the way.

*Point of View (POV) Using the third person point of view in this story works well.

*Element of Conflict A story is not a story without the element of conflict. The small opening of the vent has given Lillian trouble in trying to retrieve her cellphone. She ended up sticking her head inside with her upper trunk in and she can't get out. It's a good thing she and her husband have a sense of humor and laugh about it as he tried to help her out and reached out to their neighbor as well.

*Climax What a relief to see Lillian finally released from her ordeal. Like Aesop's fable declares, "All's well that ends well!"

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation Spelling I see some misspellings and missing articles and participles in this exercise. Do last-minute proofreading before uploading your manuscript.
[realisation] [realization]
[second [piece] [piece] of chocolate sponge cake,

[apologise] [apologize]

(Do I sense from your spelling that you're British? Just a hunch.)

Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

"...as [she] put the dirty washing in the washing basket [tyen][then] cursed her clumsiness and quickly ran over to the vent in the wall and stuck her hands inside but unfortunately, her phone was just slightly out of her reach.

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue is good. They show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take awayKeep writing and read short stories to see the pattern. As you read more and write more, you'll find your AHA moment right at your fingertips. Finally, when your draft is done, revise. Revision is the key that all writers hate but cannot dismiss willy-nilly.


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6
6
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Suzie:

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It's Winter Anniversary Review time and I pick your story to read and offer you my takeaway.

Formatting Format is well done for a Children's Short Story genre.

*Content This is a delightful creative story of a dog and two cats meeting in the forest and becoming friends that children would love to read.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation You are doing excellent with the use of correct placement of punctuation marks in your dialogue. I'm impressed.

Spelling I see you pay close attention to proofreading your narrative before submission as well. I say this because your spelling is flawless. I see no misspellings or typos in this entire manuscript. Impressive.

*Point of View (POV) Your third-person POV worked well in presenting your story.

*Element of Conflict The element of conflict surfaced at the beginning when Baldwin was lonely being new to his environment and couldn't find someone to befriend. Thank goodness for a couple of friendly cats, Oliver and Noah, who approached him and welcomed him as a newcomer.

*Climax Oliver and Noah were a delight for Baldwin because they understood his language and were able to converse with him. In fact, they spoke all the animal languages in the forest. What a joy for Baldwin to emulate.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Remember though that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Baldwin willingly demonstrated kindness and bravery to learn the magic of speaking all the animal languages from the oak tree. In the end, the three friends became the guardians of the forest. What a beautiful folktale for children to read.

Keep writing, Suzie. You have it in you to appeal to the sensibilities of children.


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7
7
Review of Captured  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi,Jace:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Fine presentation for this genre.

*Content That nightmarish trauma came to haunt you in a dream and tortured you, sending you to a psychiatrist. But what a wonderful relief to find Chelsea alive and well in the end.

*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation I am going to concentrate on your use of ellipsis in this exercise.

*Point of View (POV) It's great to see you maintained your First Person Point of View from beginning to end.

*Element of Conflict The twists and turns of your mental disturbance complicated with the investigation performed by the FBI which seem to end nowhere devastated your hope to see Chelsea again. What father on earth would not suffer guilt feelings and depression when hopelessness settles in?

*Climax Although you ended up in the psychiatric facility, yet, what burden you bore all along washed away when the door opened and here walks in Chelsea with a beaming face, saying, "Capture me, Daddy."

Spelling I see no misspellings or typos

Uses of Ellipsis
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted showing your use of ellipsis:

"too groggy to capture it ... it floated away leaving me shaking."

"I existed ... and nothing more."

"I hadn't....I got no further with that thought."

"First his wife ... now his daughter."

"Every lead.... I sat down,"

"Not many people were out yet ... mostly joggers and a few folks out for a morning walk."

Uses of Ellipsis
I see this exercise is saturated with ellipsis. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Using ellipsis here is fine because you're using it inside a quotation:

"Here.I haven't been to work since Chelsea went ... missing."

"Agent Coates ... Jennifer ... the camera," I babbled, too excited to be coherent.


"And...." Agent Coates prompted.[You only use a fourth dot if the quoted statement is a complete sentence.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Remember though that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Great creativity for a fiction drama. Well done, Jace. I was with you hook, line, and sinker from beginning to end.


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8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,Jace:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Good command of the application of standard formatting.

*Content This is an intriguing self-examination of the writer's achievements during the year. He is evaluating his successes and failures and looking for a better output for the coming year. After presenting his argument before the court panel, he concludes, as well as the court panel does, that the coming year will be more fruitful and productive than the year before. A positive outlook always wins in the end.

*Mechanics
Great work. The only issue I want to point out in this exercise is the use of ellipses.
Here are two examples I cut and pasted:

["Who would have...."]
["I thought about the commitment I was making ..."]

Uses of Ellipses:
I see this exercise using ellipsis with inconsistency. In some instances, ellipses were applied correctly but these two examples above do not. Let me share with you what I learned about ellipsis. It might help you minimize its use just as it did me.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
The final use of ellipsis is to indicate the omission of one or more lines from a multi-line quotation from a poem when the quotation has not been run-in with the text of the paragraph but instead has been presented as an extract. The omitted line or lines are marked by a line of spaced periods equivalent in length to the line immediately above it.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue in this exercise showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and participate in the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Great exercise. You presented good arguments that convinced the court panel to give you a stellar thumbs up!


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9
9
Review of Love's Legacy  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,Huntersmoon:

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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
You have a good command in observing the rules in formatting.

*Content
This is a poignant story that I can relate to because I'm also fast approaching my 79th birthday. Glad to see grandchildren giving their grandma special attention and going along with her wishes.

Spelling
Here's a snippet I cut and pasted that needs correcting for I presume a typo:
[ “Someone’s going to call the fired fire department if you don’t!”]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This is a delightful occasion for the grandchildren and their grandma on grandma's 79th birthday. The interaction among the three main characters shows a family closeness and bonding that is often missing these days.


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10
10
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I've been inactive for some time, and I need a refresher on the processes and procedures for conducting reviews. I still do not understand what an "invalid item" is. Specifically, what makes it invalid and why is it still being reviewed if it is invalid? How can it be corrected?
11
11
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jay,
I love this poetic song you composed based on John 14:1-3.
Is there a melody to the lyrics of this poem by now?
I would love to listen to it.

Thanks for sharing.
12
12
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, brom 21:
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It’s Raid time and I find the title of your submission intriguing, so much so, that I am compelled to stop and read it and offer you my input.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. I am going to cut through the chase and present to you the highlight of my observations.

Formatting Good application of proper formatting standard. For purposes of our submissions here in wdc, we don’t have to follow standard rules of formatting in to-to as we are not into publishing yet; but for purposes of clarity and readability, here are a few rules we need to apply in our writing to enhance enjoyment for our readers:
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you want to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line. Some published writers suggests double spacing between paragraphs.

*Content This is a delightful family dynamic Christmas story. All the children are having fun and Charlie is willingly obeying his parent’s order to clean the trash from opening presents as well as to tidy up his bedroom so he can open his present, specially the PS3.


As far as *Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation, Spelling go, here are some snippets I copied and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:
Paragraph 1: “...and a two bonnets with pink bows on top.” [Delete the article a because two bonnets is plural.]
“...wrapped in candy candy cane paper.” [Delete the second candy. It’s duplicated.]
4: Last sentence: “Karen opened the it and there was the mail carrier.” [Delete the it unless you replace it with “opened the door.”
Put a space after close quotation mark. This shows three or four times in the narrative.
Correct typo for “would’t” to “wouldn’t]
5: Use of ellipsis - This always come with three dots. The only time a fourth dot is added is when the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence.
Your’selves - remove the apostrophe. It doesn’t belong. Also, “outside” is one word. If the word is cut in half and the other half goes to the next line, use a dash to show it’s one word.
10: “...cartoon clown landed in from of him.” [Change to “landed in front of him.”]
19: “He filled a cup of scolding hot water...” [Replace scolding with scalding]

*Dialogue
You employed a great dialogue between Charlie and Spiffy. It shows your characters interacting with each other. and moved the story. Additionally, dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and makes them feel their watching the characters move.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Keep writing, Brom21. Your battle is already half-way won. Try to proofread and polish before posting. There are always typos and misplaced parts of speech than can be avoided if we take a last-minute critical look at our finished work product.
Write away! You’re good for it.


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13
13
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Arakon,
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It’s Raid time and I found the title of your story intriguing so much so that I have to stop to read it and offer you my input. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. I’m going to cut through the chase and only present to you the highlight of my observation.

Formatting For purposes of our submissions here in wdc, we don’t have to follow the standard rules in formatting in to-to as we’re not into publishing yet; but, for purposes of clarity and readability, here are a few rules we need to apply in our writing to enhance enjoyment for our readers:
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like***) on the line. (Some published writers suggest double spacing between paragraphs.)

*Content Wow! There are so many twists and turns in this story. It’s a page-turner. I can’t keep up. I thought I have figured out the next event but I find myself grasping for breath. This is truly a tearjerker. I can’t wait to read what happens in the end. Here I am, anticipating the climax of the story.

*Dialogue
Your employment of dialogue has broken the monotony of a straight narrative. It shows your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It makes the characters alive and moves the story with precision.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the overall presentation of your story. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Great presentation of a tearjerker. Your creative storytelling shows your talent. Keep writing. Hope to see your work someday in the bestselling rack of every bookstore.


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14
14
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, :Hello, Genipher,

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The topic of your submission intrigued me. I have to stop and read your viewpoint and share my take away.

Formatting
Formatting fits well for this exposition. So I will not belabor you and me in hashing the nitty-gritty of punctuation marks and such.

*Content and Point of View
I am impressed with your exposition from the biblical point of view with references to the conception in the woman’s womb.
Indeed, I totally agree with your adherence to what the scripture teaches. This topic intrigued me because just last week at my Writer’s Bloc critiquing workshop, there was a discussion about when a woman conceives. There was an assertion from some participants that “sexual intercourse is conception.” I disagreed with this notion because what I know is that conception happens when the sperm fertilizes the egg in the womb. But I was told not to argue and just accept the suggestion to replace the word I used from conceiving to pregnancy. That did not set right in my thinking process and I did a thorough research on the subject matter. So let me share with you the outcome of my diligent research on this controversial issue..

So when does conception occur? It can happen as soon as thirty minutes after ejaculation during sexual intercourse, or it can take several days. It’s all about timing An egg can be fertilized between twelve to twenty-four hours after it’s released into the fallopian tubes. After that time, the egg cell starts to deteriorate and after twenty-four hours it can no longer be fertilized. However, sperm survival rates are high, and can survive in the female reproductive tract for up to five days awaiting an egg to fertilize. Depending on where one is in her menstrual cycle, then, conception would potentially happen a few days after sexual intercourse. While they live longer than egg cells, sperm cells do die off over time too so if one is trying to get pregnant it’s best not to time sex too far advance of ovulation. Having intercourse the day before ovulation may increase ones chances of conceiving - but to do this, one needs to know when she ovulates. Pregnancy does not start on the day of conception I t’s not a moment but a process, and there are a number of biological steps that need to happen before pregnancy can be confirmed. Conception usually happens between eleven and twenty-one days after ones’ last period, of course, individual cycles are different so this can vary from person to person. This means it is hard to determine the exact date of conception; however, most women know roughly then their last period was. If one is pregnant, this is how healthcare professionals will calculate the due date.: by counting forty weeks from the date of the last menstrual period. Does conception always lead to pregnancy? No. There are various reasons for this, which include: low sperm count, issues with sperm mobility, anovulation (when one is not ovulating), implantation failure ( the fertilized egg does not attach to the uterine lining, decreasing sperm quality, decreasing amount of quality eggs, overall health of both partners, pelvic infections (previous or current). There are different factors at play when it comes to how long it takes to get pregnant.

How do we know if conception occurred? More than likely no one knows that conception has taken place, as there as usually no signs or symptoms - although some women experience spotting when the fertilized egg cell implants into the uterine wall - this is known as implantation bleeding. And the common signs of pregnancy are: a missed period, frequent urination, feeling tired, nausea, sore or swollen breast, spotting, headaches, mood swings.
Reference: Cleveland Clinic (myclevelandclinic.org)

Anyhoo, without going further into more details, suffice it to say that my writing critiques had a misconception of the difference between sexual intercourse and conception. And I’m going to write about it to refute their wrongful assertion. Meanwhile, I do appreciate your work and thorough research from the biblical standpoint of who ultimately controls our destiny when it comes to bearing children to leave a lasting legacy of our ancestry and heritage.


*Dialogue
The only suggestion I would make is to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other to break the monotony of straight narration. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away. Write on. You’re on the right track, Genipher.


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P.S. My apologies if you find typos in this review. My desktop is on the fritz so I’m using my iPad. The fonts on my iPad are so tiny. I cannot see well.


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15
15
Review of Casper  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Odessa Molinari,

On the occasion of writing.com’s 24th birthday celebration, I picked your story to read and review and to offer you my takeaway.

How sad and tragic for the mutt. Glad to know the girl who owns the yorkie blamed the dog instead of the driver.

I feel sorry for the driver as well as for the owner and the dog that darted out into the street. I can appreciate the concern Janice felt and her desire to take the dog to a veterinary hospital to save it, albeit, she was told it was too late at this point.

Good employment of dialogue in this exercise. The reader hears and understands what transpired and able to put herself/himself in the action and actual happening from this conversation.

Good exercise, Odessa. You’re on your way to bigger things in your writing endeavor.

Write away! The more you pen your words in print the better you are altogether. Keep up the good work. Of course it’s flash fiction. So it works to be brief and to the point.


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16
16
Review of A silent betrayal  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear True Echo,
On the occasion of writing.com’s 24th birthday anniversary celebration, I took the privilege of reading your poem and offering you my takeaway.

Wow! What a heartbreaking feeling you have poignantly expressed in this free verse.
You have my sympathy and empathy for the way you were used and played. I hope you have found healing and has moved on.

Look back to learn from your heartbreak and move forward to a satisfying relationship ahead.

Keep writing. Writing serves as a catharsis and therapeutic for a broken heart.


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17
17
Review of For Five Hundred  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, kristopher:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
In celebration of writing.com's 24th anniversary of its existence online as well as in celebration of your birthday, I picked this satirical work from your portfolio to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are color-coded green.

I'm impressed at how you have followed the fundamentals of writing concerning the following basics:
Formatting Good presentation.

*Content I can relate to the excitement of being in the spotlight, in front of a roomful of audience, and the TV watchers at home.

*Mechanics/*Syntax/*Punctuation
I notice you observed the proper use of punctuation marks in presenting
dialogue formatting. I'm impressed.

*Point of View (POV) First person POV works for this genre.

*Element of Conflict I like the pressure that has given tension as the seconds rolled along.

*Climax I was apprehensive to know whether your mother would pickup and save the day. Voila! Thanks, Mom!

Spelling You have done your homework well. I didn't notice any spelling typos which are so common in these submissions.

*Dialogue
You mastered the employment of dialoguing. The story is in the dialogue demonstrating your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author which engages the reader in the action.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions encourage you to keep up with your writing prowess and eventually land your manuscripts on an editor's desk. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt.

*Over-all take away. Keep up the excellent work you have put forth. The more you write the better your output will be.


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18
18
Review of Remember Today  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Lizzie:

This is beautiful from start to finish. I wouldn't change a word because it's spoken from the heart.
And I empathize with your sentiments because I went through the same thing five years ago. It's a bitter-sweet memory that gnaws my heart when I revisit that period with tenderness and introspection.


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19
19
Review of Why I Joined WDC  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jim: Love your memorable account of your journey with writing.com. What adventures you incapsulated and friendships you gained in the fourteen years since joining wdc are beyond description.

I’m glad I’m a part of that dimension in your already busy traveling life. What an incredible journey indeed.

Thank you for including me in your circle of friends who love to write.

When is your next trip to Southern California? I missed the last time you came back. Would love to have another get-together.

Keep me in the know. Meanwhile, take care and God bless you, your travels, and your writing endeavors.

Have a wonderful springtime as it rolls along.

QueenOwl~A New Day Dawns
aka Miriam Day
3/1/24
20
20
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Bonzo:
WdC SuperPower Member to Member Review Raid sig
It's SuperPower Reviewers Group September Raid. So bear with me as I look into your work and offer you my input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The presentation is fine. It satisfied the elements of a short story or narrative.

*Content
You're in good company to have met this remarkable man on your trip.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation and all the nitty-gritty of composition goes, here are some snippets I cut and pasted for your close scrutiny and correction for clarity and readability:

I would take them “with a grain of [salt”.]
[Put your period inside the quotation:
I would take them “with a grain of [salt.”]

According to The Writer's Digest, Grammar Desk Reference:
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. This convention, however, is widely violated.

When it became [apperant][apparent] that my luggage had not made the flight[,][Insert comma] I filled out the lost luggage forms at the airport and was assured my luggage would arrive by the next morning.
Fix both errors here: Correct your spelling for apparent and insert a comma to separate the introductory clause from the main clause.

Spelling
[cloths] [clothes] Correct spelling
[suggeted ] [suggested] Correct your spelling

[no where] [nowhere is one word.]
[In the context of this sentence,
"...Sabateen walked in to the airport and asked me what was going on."
into is one word.]

[rumers] [rumors] Correct your spelling
[travelld] [travelled] Correct your spelling
[llevel] [level]Correct your spelling

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Dialogue beats the monotony of a straight narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This exercise is riddled with misspellings and other necessary elements in composition. I suggest you go back and proofread this, paying close attention to the spelling of common English vocabulary and make corrections. Your goal is to make your writing clear, readable, and understandable to your reader.

Keep writing as well as reading. They are two peas in a pod. And revise. Proofread with a fine toothcomb before clicking Send. Good luck. Keep at it. Never give up. Writers never give up. They keep on plugging along.


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21
21
Review of Simple Pleasures  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Ruthie4u:

WdC SuperPower Member to Member Review Raid sig

Because it's Superpower September Review Raid time, I took the freedom to pick your story for review to offer you my input. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
It has satisfied the structure and elements of a short story with a beginning, middle, and end.

*Content
Great moving story aided by your conversational style of writing and dialogue.

As far as *Mechanic,*Syntax,*Punctuation go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability:

My [Daddy] [My daddy] Mom and Dad
[My understanding from all the writing workshops and classes I attended is that the first letter in mom and dad should not be in upper case when it's introduced by a pronoun. The only time Mom or Dad is in upper case is when one is addressing one's mom and dad, such as: "Hey, Mom (or Dad), are you coming tonight?" or, "Mother, may I?"]

" Did you have a good day today sweetie?" He asked me. [Attribution is part of the sentence. Do not capitalize "he" in "He asked me."

[after thought] is a compound word/use hyphen [after-thought]

*Dialogue
That little touch of dialogue you inserted in the narrative made all the difference in telling your story. It showed your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author putting life and action to move the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Indeed, life is short and time is fleeting. Our tomorrows are not guaranteed. And the memories we build during our short journey end at the grave as well. But, we can make our memories live by recording them as a legacy for generations behind us.


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22
22
Review of The Caring Soul  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Naomi:
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Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
It has the elements of what a short story is about. The beginning, middle, and end have been sufficiently accomplished.

*Content
I can appreciate the compassionate soul this widowed grandma possesses and demonstrated at the hospital. The good Lord will reward her for her kindred spirit in addition to the reward she received from the family after the patient recovered from the onslaught of the pandemic. May the Lord add more blessings to her in the days and years ahead.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,*Point of View (POV)
you need to work on these areas for clarity and conciseness.

*Element of Conflict
I like the element of conflict you injected into the story with this Grandma's insistence on giving her bed to another patient who she perceived to need it more than she did.

*Climax
What a beautiful demonstration of gratefulness the wife and children of the patient showed to their benefactor after the patient recovered and was well enough to go back to work.

Spelling
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need your second look for correction:

[panic buying][panic-buying]For clarity, verify whether this word qualifies as a compound word and must be hyphenated.

[brough ][brought] Correct your spelling

"There is no room, not even a bed available for you. How can you be given a proper treatment. Please fight for your life, please do not die,[our children are still young and we need you.]"
This last statement in the sentence does not seem to fit as spoken by whoever said it. Was it the nurse or whoever was attending to the patients in the room? Who said what to whom? Be specific.

"...There is money [i] the petty cash box..."[in]

In addition, be consistent with tense usage. Past/present/future.

*Dialogue
Do research and study how to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Pay close attention to punctuation marks used in dialogue.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This story can be expanded and improved as it has a great potential to shine and be published. My recommendation for you is to do a last-ditch effort at proofreading before clicking Send.

Keep writing and reading on the side to gain insight into how published authors make their stories sparkle, sizzle, and hum. Moreover, consider revising areas that need polishing. Revising is the key that unlocks the magic of storytelling.


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23
23
Review of Spilled Milk  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sara:
shared for reviews
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It's Superpower Reviewers Group March Raid and I pick your piece of work to read, review and offer you input.
.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Well formatted in its genre.

*Content An entertaining and delightful short story. I like the dialogue you employed showing what's going on.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of English composition go, here's one snippet I cut and pasted that need may tweaking for clarity, readability goes:

thrumming [I cannot find this word in the dictionary. Did you mean, throbbing?]

*Dialogue
You're a master at employing dialogue. Your punctuations are flawless. Great exchange showing your characters interacting with each other. Your use of dialogue made your story sparkle, sizzle, and hum.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway It's a delightful and entertaining exchange that hooks the reader till the end.

Write away, Sara. You have a knack for wordsmithing. Keep at it to your advantage.

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24
24
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Archer:
shared for reviews
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It's Superpower Reviewers Group March Raid and I pick your biographical account of JFK's Assasin to read, review, and offer you my input.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting The account is good in its format.

*Content This is a sketchy account but it's a good summary. Details of specific dysfunction during his early childhood into his adult life would add spice and drama to keep your reader hooked.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation, Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of English composition go here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking, polishing, and revising for clarity, readability, and chronology of events:

[court martialed ][court-martialed is a compound word. Insert a dash]

[mail order] [mail-order is a compound word. Insert a dash.]

[On the 24 November,][On 24 November,]

a junior officer ran forward with a gun and shot, killing Lee. [Consider revising:"...a junior officer ran forward with a gun and shot Lee, killing him."]

My recommendation on the last two paragraphs: Put the second to the last paragraph as the conclusion instead for chronological order effect.

*Point of View (POV) Third person POV used by the narrator is fine.


*Element of Conflict Hatred towards the arrogance of JFK as the element of conflict portrayed by Lee Harvey Oswald is at best, weak, and does not display an obsession to kill JFK. Was he interviewed and claimed this to be his only reason to kill? Remember this is a biographical account. It has to be validated.

*Climax Lee Harvey Oswald succeeded in killing JFK but his personal knowledge and or exposure to JFK was not displayed in this biographical account to give him the impetus to end JFK's life.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to break the monotony of presenting a boring narrative. Dialogue put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and makes him interact with the characters.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Overall takeaway This is a very good exercise in presenting a biographical account. Keep up the good work. And always consider revising, and filling in what is missing to make your account sparkle, informative, and delightful to read.


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25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, the-dude462:
Shared SuperPower Image
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It's Superpower Reviewer's March Raid and I pick on your story to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting Format is fine for this genre.

*Content It's a delighful story that catches attention.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation,Spelling, and the nitty-gritty of composition go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking and fixing for clarity, readability and in observance of conventional English practices calls for:

[pink haired][pink-haired is a compound word]

[taste tester] [taste-tester is a compound word]

[...and subtext saying "volunteers optional"][Always be mindful to put your dot at the end of the sentence.]

["that's] interesting, when do I go?" [Always begin the first letter of your sentence in capital letters.]

I see a number of your sentences begin with small letters. Try to break this habit.

Betty cried out "what are you [doing,"] [Replace the comma with a period to end the sentence.]

oh wait this is my [to do] [list,"] There are two issues in this sentence: 1) [to-do is a compound word. Insert a dash]
2) Replace the comma with a period to complete the sentence.]

[force fed] [force-fed is a compound word]

*Point of View (POV)
What was Akumu's role in the story? Was she the same character as Muffet? This character needs a little detailed introduction. As it is the story ended without bringing this character back into the story.

*Element of Conflict
Betty did not create a big argument or a fight over the food she has to consume. She was enjoying the feast she was offered. And although she was getting bigger and couldn't contain herself, she was a glutton and deservedly so. LOL.

*Climax
She did deserve what she ended up with because of her gluttony.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Your use of dialogue made your story move along keeping your reader on the hook. This is a page-turner as it adds sparkle to the end of the page. Good job.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics of writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away I'm enjoying your story from beginning to end. My suggestion is for you to watch your mechanics in grammar and composition. That is if you're serious about seeing your manuscript land at an editor's or publisher's desk.

Write away! You have the potential to shine with your creativity. Do study the mechanics of writing to polish it and make it sizzle, sparkle, and hum.
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