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13 Public Reviews Given
17 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a beautiful love poem. I was enthralled when I read it. I had no idea where it was going. It could advance to an erotic liaison, true love relationship or stay at the level of agape. It doesn't matter really. It's still a beautiful love poem. Who are these people? I'm guessing from the male's ability to walk above rather than through the wildflowers, we are talking about Orion the Titan, not Orion from Cleveland. The lady? Good gosh. Later.

The rhythm fit no clear cut form I could discern. The main accent always fell on the second or third syllable, and if I remember correctly from medical school that might be called a sprung rhythm. If not, then what? For my info.

The rhyme scheme as we know is abbc. All the a's rhyme and in fact only one line does not end in flowers. The second a. I am only a poor country doctor, but yet I may be permitted the opinion that repetition can be a weakness or a strength. In every instance that I have identified in this piece, it is a strength. It adds and adds and multiplies the strength of the lines. There is even a neurological term for this.

The beginnings of the lines show repetition. The first four stanzas start with She stood. The fifth with he walked and the last with They stood. So the focus goes from her to him and then to them. Good. But still the underlying hammering home of - something. Earthly existence on land, patience, persistence, bravely, even passionately standing one's ground?

The length of the lines vary between seven and eleven syllables. The middle lines were generally a bit shorter, never longer, than the first and last lines of each stanza. I don't know if this is poetic convention or serves to emphasize the first and last lines or both.

Now to the unavoidable of who, what, why, when and where. Or at least a couple of those.
It seems that Orion is the Hunter, the great hunter of game and women who often gets into trouble.
The woman could be Jane Doe from Cleveland, but I doubt it. What do we make of the hawk, the cloak and answers in the stars.
Most of the goddesses for whom Orion conceived a passion did not reciprocate his feelings. This would include Merope, the King's daugther. There were several other Meropes. One Merope was one of the Seven Sisters but none of them seem enamored of him and in fact flee from him eternally as the Pleides. In one of the Sisters' legends they return to earth from time to time and at one point for safety sake were turned to birds, doves I think. But one was held back. Perhaps the lost sister in this form could be made to fit the lady in the poem. It would explain the hawk, abandonment, waiting, need for seduction on Orion's part.
Another candidate might be Eos.I believe in most legends Orion was sent to the stars before meeting Eos, but who really knows? Eos is usually depicted as having wings, which explains the hawk's temporary interest. She wore a cloak decorated with wildflowers. She might have been checking the stars to make sure the Seven Sisters were in the sky where they belonged. Also, she, how might one say it delicately, had something more than a crush on Orion and might have been willing to wait for him a good while. Normally she was close to the sun, so she may have felt quite cold on earth. Yet she carried mortal men away to isolated places on earth, but probably with them safely tucked away, could go about her daily chores of opening the gates of heaven so her warm brother, Helios, the sun, could drive through. Thus, could she abate the coldness. Or perhaps being with a man warmed the coldness within her that was not of her making.
By the way I found a beautiful picture of her with wings walking among wildflowers in Wikepedia. She was not wearing her yellow cloak in that presentation.

Well, I cannot say if either of these candidates is the one the poet had in mind. There are many other myths, and I am sure many other candidates, but time is limited. I hope the poet lets me in on the secret. she tells me. It will probably be someone I never suspected. Maybe the butler.
Or Jane Doe from Cleveland.
Or perhaps the poet made use of herlicense to create a collage from a number of sources.
Or perhaps the search itself. Somewhat as in a Haiku.

For me the bottom line is that this is an expertly crafted, beautiful love poem and the rest is much less important to me.
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Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This article is well researched and well organized. It should be more widely read. Perhaps you should consider putting it into one of the plug pages. But if you do, be prepared. You will not like all of them. You will sometimes wonder if the reviewer's bag of marbles is completely full. Nonetheless, I think a mixture of reviews is better than none at all, and it would be a good thing for your article to be seen.
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Review of My Philosophy  Open in new Window.
Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Aardvark - I'm struggling a little here as I just had eye surgery. I find nothing to disagree with. Number seven is fascinating as it could be interpreted in so many ways. For example, turning argument into discussion can slowly lead back to argument, which may be no more productive than the first argument. There may be an underflow of hostility covered by what seems to pass for civilized discussion on the surface. What you meant is important but more importantly is the questions it leads to and how suppositions stand the test of time, I think. It was a fascinating statement. I'm sure one skilled in rhetoric would have a field day with seven whith out disagreeing with the original statemement.

12. As for the good old days, I just think about a root canal without anesthesiea. Or an extraction in which one tooth root is not only infected, but curved, so it had to be dug out. I've heard the pain issue was dealt with by loud music; so no one could hear the patient. A practical point only, perhaps, but I need to get to bed and havent time to talk about legal systems only Adolf Hitler could imagine. Oh, and some time ago I dated a girl who spent her early years in an 'internment' facility born an American citizen, a child and basically locked up. Who could blame Mr. Roosevelt? Times were tough.

14. A cursory reading of the Old Testament reveals that God, in whom I believe, never does things the easy way. He could have sent the living baby Jesus to Mary, already weaned and accompanied by Seraphim. Did he? Read. It's in the Book. And department stores.
Would he be satisfied with zap, there's a world, zap, theres animals, zap theres people and dinasours and pterodactyls, etc. Note the detail of DNA and mitochondrial RNA he went into in those first few chapters. No, I believe everything comes from God, but for some reason he likes to sit around and whatch it all develop. And why not? What else has he got to do? Go to meical school and study anatomy? You disagree? If I were a lawyer ( now there's a system I'll bet he gets a kick out of), would I point to Job, or the fatted calf guy, Moses in the bullrushes, the list goes on and on. Who wrote the first few chapters of Genesis anyway. Sure were a lotta begats after that, and no one had word processors, then, I think.

Anyway, I think you have arrived at the wisdom a mature sensible person should have obtained. I give you a 6. Or is it 5. I need to get some sleep.
Georgiawill
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Review of Let My People Go  Open in new Window.
Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this story. It reminds me of stories I was told when I was a child. I think I learned more about people in the Bible from those stories or cartoon type stories than any reading I have done. The dialog between all the people in this story made it come to life. The dialog was captivating and well handled. An illustrated collection of such stories would be a winner. I'd probably buy one for my nephews and read it myself!
Please keep on writing these stories. I think they are great.
Georgiawill
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Review of Animals  Open in new Window.
Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this is a very clever and appropriate puzzle, especially for people who are just starting to do them. I wonder if most people think of the work involved in getting the verticals and horizontals to come out correctly. I may be wrong, but I don't think so. It seems to me this involved a lot of work, and a lot of brain power, especially to make it come out doable for someone who has not been doing the NY Times crosswords for 30 years. Which I, for one, have not. Thank you for giving me something I can do. I look forward to working on it.
Georgiawill
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Review of The Blue Shirt  Open in new Window.
Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a touching piece that made me want to cry. I have had temporary separations that were difficult. Who has not. I have had 'transitional objects' I could cuddle, usually a bear, one that had been shared.The wrapping of her 'his shirt covered' arms around herself was touching. The touching to the cheek, the scent of his cologne mingling with his were great lines. They were concret, physical and immediate. I was there, almost feeling it when she did them. The second paragraph was 6/5.
I did not feel that way about the first paragraph. Parts of it were very good. Some, I though did not belong or was not needed, and detracte from the dramatic power of the paragraph. The first sentence was very good. The second sentence was weak. I think something like, "She longed for escape into sleep," might have been more in line with the piece's theme. I don't think chuckling fits her mood. Wouldn't something like, "She clutched her favorite book to her breast," be more in line with her mood? I think the sentences about the various books, her memory, his quizzing her just don't belong. I can imagine what the purpose of each statement might be, but I feel the benefit is outweighed by the just a little off theme burden. The pillow sentence of course is really good.
I think the author does set the scene in the first paragraph. Having read some of her other works, I know she could have done it more economically, with every word and sentence on theme. I apologize if I sound harsh.
The dialog too, is 6/5. To me every thing is perfect both spoken lines. and author's comments. Often comments by the author are encourged to not be used, but in this piece they seem to fill the bill naturally, without getting in the way of the dialog. I don't want to comment on every line, I've already come close to writing "War and Peace", but the "Hey you", "Now how did you know", "I'd know that ring anywhere," put me right there in the scene and I could feel what each member of the couple was feeling. Perhaps I was re-living an old experience with a new imagined person. As far as prose goes, my opinion is that "It don't get no better than that."
On second thought I'm going to ignore what I still think are faults in the first paragraph. There is so much in this piece that is good I do not have the heart to rate it 4.5. I think this piece will stick in my memory a while. It should, what I've written may be longer than the piece, itself! I am new to writing reviews. I would like to know what the author thinks about this review. Please.
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Review of The Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Perhaps the key of this poem's succes is that every bit is described not talked about. Also Each physical moment is one that I, for one, have experienced. I suspect most people could say the same. The lines were beautifully crafted. For example the first: 'They danced to bring the dawning.' Technically, rhythm and meter were perfect, and if one closes ones eyes "to the world around" and says it to oneself, it Feels like dancing.
Each line can be felt, if one has ever danced with someone cared for. The physical descriptions are perfect in their resemblance to real life and they are said beautifully.
I found no mistakes or technical errors.
The only thing I can think of that would make this poem more perfect is that if lines could have the same dancing rhythm as the first. However that might be impossible to do, and if it could be done it might make the poem tedious. So I guess I would invoke one of my favorite sayings, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And this poem is not 'broke.' It is beautiful and sounds perfect. It made me feel like a young man in love again.
One only hopes this poet will keep posting these gems.
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Review of another hiku  Open in new Window.
Review by GeorgeWDeMuth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the last two lines a lot. They 'rang true', so to speak. They took me to the woods and made me feel the quieting reverberations that always follow when the woodpecker stops. It is a fine silence, and I think you captured it very well.

Perhaps it is my failing, but I could not feelingly connect the first line with the second two. Perhaps on further meditation I'd have gotten it. I'd have liked something like 'The deep empty woods.' Turns the woods on it's head, not reality but a feeling state. Somehow resonate with last two lines, but not same meaning. Haiku made me think. Thanks.
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