I wanted to read this since my late father was also a WWII veteran, and I'm glad I did. I like the picture you draw of the old man sitting, nursing his aches and watching the world around him and the "younger folks" enojying the freedoms her fought to protect. I also like that you introduced that idea in the first two stanzas, then returned to it in the final stanza with the thought that it was all worthwhile to him, that he'd "do it all again."
There were a couple points that interrupted the flow of reading for me. The first line of the thrid stanza just feels awkward to me, I'm not sure I have any ideas on how I'd change it, and it may just be me. That and two minor grammmar things: "freedom's cause" should have the apostrophe, and I would hyphentate "Rhuemy-eyed" are the only things that took me out of the story at all. And referring to "rhuemy-eyed" that is a terrific descriptive!
Overall, really well done and an ejoyable read, especially for those of us with ties to someone in this situation. Thanks for sharing.
I have to admit I don't read a lot of stream of consciousness, but I enjoyed this. I liked the descriptions and there were some nifty turns of phrase - like that Earl is a "gentlefish", that made me smile. I also liked how you created the interruption to their happy world, then showed how they found one another again and moved on into their new world. It was a nice progression.
I didn't spend a lot of time reviewing for grammar/word use/etc because I know that in stream of consciousness there are often intentional breaks in those things. Overall a lot of fun - nicely done!
Hello,
I just wanted to say I enjoyed your story. I liked how you conveyed that this conversation between the long-time friends was more the ability to sit in comfortable silence. The flow of their thoughts worked well and I liked your descriptives. The only grammatical question I have is with the phrase "a constant suffered look" in the second paragraph. It feels a bit awkward to me, but that might just be that I've never heard it put like that. Overall I thought this was quite well done. Thanks for posting it.
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