The good, well crafted and well played. Lily is a piece of work. Now my niggles, I never heard Lily mention the second snowman to her beau and "Turning the flashlight on" the flashlight just appeared out of no where. Those were the only hiccups I caught. I'm not a punctuation savant so I can't help there. Overall, you didn't scare me in the least. :-} I did love the dialogue and how you are a master of not using, "he said" and "she said". I'm reading too many Amazon e-books where I ask myself...How did this even get published? I know a short story isn't easily published but your writing style is what the reading should be like.
You had me at "BEER". Sure I know this contest is supposed to be Screams all the time but who can resist some tongue in cheek humor. I can't help but be a little snarky in much of my own writing.
I know I should have some constructive criticism for you, but honestly I'm no expert in punctuation so I can't help there. Your narration kept the proper tense throughout. The subject flowed correctly from beginning to end. You made me grin at time or two. From my perspective this was a job well done. Except for one thing, I'm not waiting till Friday for that beer. HAH!!!
Wow, I have such an appreciation on how this story was constructed. You've obviously spent some time editing it as I could find nary a coma out of place, not that punctuation is my strong point. The blend of human and ethereal characters meshed well with the message. And the message is strong.
That's the good stuff, by rights I should offer some critique as well. The story was not long enough...I wanted more. = -}
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/glenncard
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 7:13pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
