I wasn't too sure if I was going to like this when I began reading. I thought it was starting rather sluggish for my taste. As I continued to read, I found myself being drawn into the story and looking forward to what was going to happen next. You paint a good picture of the area where this takes place. You have kept the suspense going throughout and left many options as to how the story could end as it continues. My only suggestion is to keep on writing, You have great style!
Your story opened well and grabbed my interest. I would like to know what the relationship between the two character is and why Tim is doing this deed. This has the makings of a very good story. I would encourage you to expand on it and see where it might go
I am drawn in by the first three lines and then I stumbled over the fourth. I went back and reread the whole verse and I cannot get it to come together for me. I may speak with my mouth and tongue wut the words come from my heart. I am sure it is just the way I read. The second and third verse come together very well for me. The fourth line of the second verse is my favorite. I read poetry to stir my imagination and my emotions amd this line does exactly that. I am looking forward to visiting more of your work. Keep on writing.
I wasn't too sure as I first began reading but you developed your character very well. You have included all the places where the self inhabits.Very good. Write on!
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