I have felt all the pain and struggles of the heart and body described in this heartfelt piece. We can all use some forgiveness and forgetfulness no matter which faith you ascribe to. In my experience of nearly 61 years it has always been better for me when I chose to become better instead of bitter by clinging to the unforgiveness. At first I thought you were writing about MS like I deal with. Best to you, whatever the cause is, and let the renewing of the innocence fill your being completely.
Thank you for your hard work & making me aware of how much I need to learn or review.
What a great tool for us to use & learn from.
I think I write poetry but I do so without formality.
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work, having only my opinion to offer.
1st impression: my first impression came with the title because I am a lilac lover myself, which really made a catch my eye.
Interpretation: I like your voice in the poem, I could really feel the emotion in it. I could relate to the empty jar to the lost love, as I remember my grandmother giving me a jar of lilacs every year for my birthday from her yard. Lilacs are my favorite smell of the spring because of it.
Suggestions: the only suggestion I have is to keep writing because this is a wonderful piece of art.
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work, having only my opinion to offer.
1st impression: My first impression is that you are inspired in a similar way that I am.
Interpretation: I found it ironic when you said something about " your pet hatred of useless things discarded in unnecessary places" and then went on to say something about getting cigarettes... Sorry but, coming from an ex-smoker, if that is not the ultimate in discarding useless thing in unnecessary places then I guess I am misguided.
Suggestions: I like the imagery and inspiration of your work however, it seems to ramble on sometimes, run on sentences which is why I rated it at 3.5.
I hope you'll keep writing and that I was not to mean with this review. Any and all reciprocation is appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work, having only my opinion to offer.
1st impression: My very for first impression came when reading the dedication to your three children; at first I worried it would be a sad story because you said "in remembrance of."
Interpretation: As I read on I realized you must have been referring to their long gone youth. Your story took me back both to my own childhood and to wondering about my children's childhood experiences and memories. I like your voice and word use / language. I like the image of the children in the sun playing and their innocence was portrayed quite well.
Suggestions: the only suggestion I can make is to take a look at the third paragraph from the end where it says " to sunbathed and giggling," the whole story seems to be in the past tense but the word giggling is not. And also may be the last sentence " to rescue them to bigger puddles" - something just doesn't quite read correctly.
Keep up the good work! Maybe you would like to read some of my work and submit a review, it would be much appreciated..
Bravo! I am very impressed with your ability to link the real and the fairy tale or fantasy, the dream and the reality. This piece reads like a poem but has enough content to be a short story. You did a great job maintaining the two line rhyme without compromising the story line or sounding like a nursery rhyme. I like how you presented every child's imagination without revealing that hidden ideal. Though this is not my genre of writing, I still found myself drawn into this storyline which I think it is a good sign of excellent writing. I personally do not possess the creativity I see in this piece. After all, there are many children that don't wonder about all those fairy tale figures we place before them, great job not spoiling their imaginations.
I thoroughly enjoyed the dialog in this piece, I think you did a great job of capturing the characters' voices. I liked how you Took Dalton's fear and turned it around to being about a fear that his grandpa overcame. It has a good morale and it left me wanting to read more. However, it did seem a bit brief, maybe because I was enjoying your writing style. I'm not sure what you could do with this piece (I. E.) part a larger text, a short story that might need a little more meat to it, but overall is a great piece of art.
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