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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gobofongo
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20 Public Reviews Given
20 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

that was brilliant. I hope that that's original, and if so you sir are a truly great poet. I very much hope that you win the 5 star competition, you've earned it. I love it and especially the way that you managed to incorporate a mix of different language and slang. This is the first thing I've read on this site that has earned 6 stars, but 5 will have to do.
2
2
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good work. The structure and wording all lend to a solemnity that's impressive. The reader can really feel that you mean it.

The only line that for me doesn't flow with the rhythm of the piece is "He bravely made his choice"

It's a good line, it just doesn't quite match up with the rest. As long as you're singing it though I don't think it makes any difference.

Nice work.
3
3
Review of Don't Hold Back  Open in new Window.
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well done. I think the whole thing flows nicely except for two lines:

Your keep safe life reminds you

and

When your back was against the wall

There's nothing wrong with the content, just that they don't flow with the rest. But it may just be me.

Good job anyway.
4
4
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like it a lot, great idea.

The only thing I'd say interrupts the flow and distracts from the story is the bit about the smoke; it doesn't really have to do with the story, which is fine, it just goes on a bit too long for such a short piece.
5
5
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was awesome. It was wonderfully satirical, a light hearted look at the future of war and a parody of it's past. You earned a 5, I honestly don't know what you could improve.
6
6
Review of Jerome's Magic  Open in new Window.
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this story a lot. I like the contrast in the first and last lines and the simple honesty of it's presentation.

It's not perfect, I think it could use a bit of editing, but then everything could. I think you could improve the first two paragraphs most of all.
7
7
Review of The Frog...What?  Open in new Window.
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
hah!

That took some effort I think, nice job.
8
8
Review of A Wolf's Prayer  Open in new Window.
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I think it's a good job, but it just doesn't flow. Maybe it's just me.
9
9
Review by Gobo Fongo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I pray for the life's that are taken tragically
Every seconds of the day.

I pray for the lives that are taken tragically
Every second of the day.

I like the content, but I'm not seeing a real structure or unity throughout the poem. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I like it.
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