This is a great short story and has the feel of a fable with a moral. It flows brilliantly, is descriptive, and the characters personalities really shine through.
Consider these tips:
Instead of writing "ha ha haaaa" in your dialogue, why not described him guffawing? It'll be much more effective.
A question mark is needed when Zach asks "who knows?"
Title:
I know this isn't a finished piece of work, but could you maybe make the title a little more intriguing? It'll bring in more readers, more reviews, and you'd benefit from it. In my opinion, trying to come up with a great title is harder than writing the story!
Layout:
It could use a little more white space to make it easier to read on a screen - try double spacing the paragraphs (there is a option you can click if you edit this piece).
Flow and storyline:
Flows well throughout and has the potential for some interesting storylines.
Word usage and imagery:
The use of a swear word in this sentence, "...covered in months of dirt and s***", is unnecessary. Swear words are usually on acceptable to emphasise a point. There is no emphasis needed here so you could get away with an adjective or perhaps a metaphor for the dirt (for example, 'there was enough muck found on their boots that it could supply a cow field').
For the most part your descriptions are great. I personally adore this sentence, "...as thick beads of sweat crawl down his neck like bugs."
Grammar and spelling:
Spelling is mostly good, there are a minimal array of corrections needed to be made (i.e. "buud" is spelled bud).
When you refer to the Glitter Girls, always capitalise because you have those girls a name.
Please capitalise the title on the profile of the piece. It will make it much more desirable to read! Also, there isn't really need to have the title written in the main body (but if you really do want it there then it should be centred and underlined and without the colon). You do not need a colon after stating what chapter it is.
Word usage and imagery:
"...Blackbeard and his crew set sail for Nassau" could use some embellishing. For example, add an adjective or two describing Nassau (exotic Nassau, popular Nassau, etc.).
Grammar and spelling:
The name of your character's ship should always be capitalised, and an apostrophe should be used - Queen Anne's Revenge.
Semicolon is not needed in this sentence: "Blackbeard orders his quartermaster to repeat his words; "Prepare to set sail for Nassau".", a simple comma will do.
There are numerous times when you haven't used a capital letter at the beginning of a sentence - easily corrected by proof reading.
Other:
I stopped reading after the first paragraph (sorry!) because the grammar was making it difficult to read. Please correct this and I will come back and re-read!
I enjoyed this short though I couldn't help but read it as though it was short sharp lines. For example:
A punch or a kick.
A blow.
Perhaps to the ribs or maybe even the head.
A bruise or a crack, something for scarring.
Maybe you should contemplate on setting it out like that? Or not...your choice.
There are a couple of spelling mistakes and grammar issues (you really need to capitalise the I) so you need to proof read it but other than that it's a great piece of writing that is deep and emotional.
This was a fun short story. Very well written, I enjoyed everything that I read.
I feel a little bad for Ty as he never even got a glimpse of the Bigfoot he so passionately believed in, but at least his big brother is now a believer.
1) "A medieval time where fantasy can run riot" is probably one of the best tag lines for a story I've read in a while. It really pulled me in to read this excerpt.
2) It usually takes me a while to get into stories written in first person but I was hooked on this by the second paragraph, well done you!
3) I really enjoyed this story, loved the entertaining way you have written about how the character went about obtaining the beef jerky!
I absolutely love the title! It intrigued me to read this.
I like the flow of your writing, it pulls the reader in.
But maybe you could work on the intrigue of your characters? For example, Clemency the cat seems like an eccentric character - try painting him in a better light?
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