This story was fun. Nice use of imagery, even if a little on the heavy side. Two things. First, I believe it is "I pride myself," not "I prize myself." Second, the ending is too quick for me. It is the culmination of the entire story, and it feels like you are saying, "Oh, by the way, Mr. Pocketwatch joined the show and said this line, eventually." I think it needs to be less hasty and use that imagery you spent building the story to take it home. Overall it was fun and light, and I look forward to more from you.
Overall, I like the poem, particularly the line "Gone is your dedication," The poem is short and emotional, my favorite combination. However, your tenses do not match and it is hard to get beyond that. You begin with "You stood" (past tense) and "I see" (present tense), and flip back to "You have" (past). (Proof)Reading your work aloud should help identify these incongruities. Keep capturing powerful emotions! I look forward to reading more of your writing.
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