Hello ! I read "Flesh to Bark" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact: Considering I love Greek Mythology, I had to read this poem. I think you did a great job with this, even using my favorite god, Apollo.
Effectiveness of Form: Really well done here too, short, sweet, and then sad.
Punctuation and Grammar: maybe a comma here and there might slow it down some, but its fine the way it is too.
Emotional Impact: Very short, but I would kind of agree with at least the meaning I got from it.
Effectiveness of Form:Very good here, no real comment.
Punctuation and Grammar: There wasn't much to go here, but you did a good job with this, you didn't completely ignore it just because the poem was shorter than most.
Closing comments: I enjoyed it, great job on this.
First Impression: To be honest, I thought it would be a lot better than it was. To me, it contained all the worst of the cliches in fantasy writing. The Old light Wizard and the Dark wizards weren't named. The dark wizard did not understand good magic, which comes from almost every fantasy story, like Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia.
What I liked: It is fantasy, which I like this genre of writing.
Suggestions: Give the Dark and Light Wizard names, make it to where the light wizard knows just a little less.
Don't use as many adjectives: "As the old man comforted himself on the cold, bare floor, arranging his brown cloak beneath him as a cushion, his old grey eyes stared out of the original window." The Wizard slid to the floor, his cloak acting as a cushion as he stared out of the original window" gives the same meaning but with less words.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: None that could be spotted
First Impression: It was an interesting piece, I happen to like Dragonball z, and other anime and mange as well.
What I liked: Well, you did a good job writing about your own life, I try to avoid that. You mentioned a lot of things that I like too. It was detailed, which I though would get boring, but it didn't.
Suggestions: Well, everything was great with this work, I can't think of any
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I don't see any here.
Hello R.A.N ! I read "To Outgrow" and wanted to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact: Well, I have always heard that twins are really close and act alike even if they grew up in different places. This does ring true with series I've seen where the twins grow up.
Effectiveness of Form:It was short, simple, and it rhymed. I was able to get exactly what was being said.
Punctuation and Grammar:I have not seen a problem with this here
That really is an interesting quote you have there. If you can use it as inspiration that would be great.
The only thing that really bothers me is that there is no capital letter at the beginning of the sentence, and you mention I three times, not once has it been capitalized, and at the end of the sentence there is no period.
Puncuation and grammar are very important aspects of writing. If you need any help, feel free to send me a message.
First Impression:I have had several problems with office 07 myself. That's what we have to use in school and I don't like it at all. At home I use openoffice, which is fairly easy to use. Although I do like windows Vista, which I don't think is as bad as people make it out to be.
What I liked:You bring up exactly the reasons why others and myself don't like it. I have a cousin who had the printing problem.
Suggestions:very biased view there, but accurate. The September 1st comment, I've seen done before, though not by me.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:I don't see anything wrong here
Emotional Impact:I could find myself agreeing with most of what this poem says, I remember a lot of times when I just wanted to sit in my room and listen to music, just to start feeling guilty about not getting things done.
Effectiveness of Form: Very good here too, I really liked this line, "putting out the sun.". I think that you really got your point across here.
Punctuation and Grammar: Just because this is a poem, doesn't make this any less important: "i tried to run
but still i got left behind" First off the I should be capitalized and maybe a comma after run, more like this "I tried to run,
but still I got left behind"
There are several more instances in which I wasn't capitalized, in fact there was no capitalization at all, and no punctuation, which really could help you get your point across better, if you write a more complicated poem.
Closing comments:This has some potential, good job.
GypsyRae
Hi ! After reading "Finding Voice " , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:That it was another abuse story, which I don't really like
What I liked: The first person made it feel just a bit more personal than third person.
Suggestions:Make it a bit longer and turn it into more of a story, rather than just a short piece on somebody's life, it reads more like an essay than a story to me.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I really couldn't see any punctuation or grammar errors.
Hi ! After reading "Invalid Item" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression: Disturbing, a good thing considering it was horror & thriller. In general it was pretty good
What I liked: I take it this is third person omniscient, you got into the head of both characters
Suggestions: I really don't think there was enough good description in there, even a short story can have some description.
For instance: "he put the car in park for a moment and got out." I wonder what kind of car or at least the color, as in a black Volvo.
Also the characters don't even have names, and there's no telling as to how they came to be where they are, not even a short flashback. It might be because of a fight at work, or it could be between a couple. Those are my best guesses.
Hi ! After reading ""Memory Lane"" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression: Right from the start I really liked this. You did a good job on it. Most certainly liked the very beginning letting us knkow how old he is and feels.
What I liked: I don't remember gas prices ever being $1.65, but I have heard of it from my grandparents, I really did feel you did a good job when it came to the setting. Poor guy seemed so depressed.
Suggestions: I can't really think of any suggestions right now
great job
GypsyRae
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