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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/h-p-j
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31 Public Reviews Given
31 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I read thoroughly and am very critical when reviewing. I pick at the tiniest grammar, and sentence structure errors. Be warned I will be blunt and to the point. I will not be rude in that matter, just truthful. I will make detailed suggestions and praise you when I see something I like!
I'm good at...
WWI and WWII fiction
Favorite Genres
History, War, WWII, Holocaust
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, romance
Favorite Item Types
Short-medium length stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems, plays, fanfiction
I will not review...
Poems, inappropriate writings, fan fiction, plays, extreme error filled grammar pieces or pieces that are not historically correct. Thank you!
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Tides of Tears  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I really like your poem a lot. I like your use of personification and imagery in line 7. This poem, at first glance, does not seem descriptive, but your rhyming and diction make it so! Keep writing poems! They are good!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
2
2
Review of Measuring Up  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like these comparisons. They are very creative!
3
3
Review of No More Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear WhiteWolfGirl,

One word: INSPIRING

I LOVE this! I liked how you explored different sexualities, even in animals! I think this is a very unique writing because some have not fully accepted the LGBTQ groups yet! Keep this up and write more stories on this topic!!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
4
4
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!
I really like this piece. It talks about how we SHOULD judge a person; not by their outer beauty but their inner. This is an idea I strongly believed in! I liked your examples of true beauty; helping the elderly, the visually impaired.

Some suggestions:
•There are some spelling errors: "The wise one's among us has the wisdom of the profound cliché." This should be corrected to "The wise ones among us have the wisdom of the profound cliché". "The beauty of a woman is seen in the way she see's another" it should be: "The beauty of a woman is seen in the way she sees another". And there are a few others.
•You have a lot of run-on sentences. Try to make them into separate, shorter sentences. "A beautiful you, a beautiful me, together can make a beautiful world". You might revise it to "A beautiful you, a beautiful me. Together, we can make a beautiful world." There are others like the second, third and fourth sentences.

I hope you understand these tips and I hope that they will help you to improve your writing. I think you can be an AMAZING writer if you just fix those small details! :D Other than those small errors, I really enjoyed it and loved the message! Keep writing about positive topics such as this! Keep writing!
5
5
Review of Inside this Realm  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This is a deep and meaningful poem! I really enjoyed it. The descriptions and the diction used fit together easily, making the flow of the poem extremely good! I hope you keep writing inspirational pieces like this. So many people need this type of writing!
6
6
Review of Corporate Games  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Mike,
This is pretty good. There are some grammatical errors and a few fragments that could be combined into a single sentence. The sentence "Is degrading, and a complete waste of time" should be revised. I am guessing you meant it to go along with another sentence.
I like the message though! Keep writing and make sure to review your work before publishing!
7
7
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like how you rhymed, with some creative words! The descriptions helped to create imagery, which is sometimes hard to do in a poem. The specific use of diction informs the reader how many years have passed with the "blind and deaf" lords and ladies. I also like how you brought the dragon back for the man to slay and save the kingdom forever.
8
8
Review of What I am  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is good!
An idea: Using each of the 14 words, make 14 lines starting with each word! I think that would be an interesting poem too!
Keep up the good work!
9
9
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,
I really liked this analysis!
It is interesting when you say Truman was concerned with the casualties of a Japanese invasion. By this time, American troops have come ashore in Iwo Jima and Okinawa, where many casualties, both American and Japanese were created (As you state above).
I understand your point when saying the atomic bomb was more humane. I just think of the fact that so many Japanese were killed, deformed, whole cities wiped out.
All in all I really liked this different analysis and a different perspective on the bomb droppings! Thank you for enlightening me!
10
10
Review of The Lost Eskimo  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello LittleLambie,

This a very good poem! What is the inspiration behind it? I like the question asked in the end, making the reader think!

11
11
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Bethany Perry!

Wow, this is a great story! I really enjoyed it, especially the unexpected turn of events! I like the character's attributes and how you used proper, old English! Keep writing!!
12
12
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Cookson2,

This is a very sweet poem! I love the imagery created here! Everything is amazing but Stanza three is a little awkward between the lines!

Keeps up the good work!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
13
13
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Spidey,

This is very nice! I like your descriptions of the different parts of writing.com! Keep up the awesome work!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
14
14
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello,

This review is for the purpose of helping you expand your writing and some suggestions! You can either accept or ignore this review but I hope you understand it! :)

This was a very interesting item!

I have a few tips for improvement:
•some of your sentences are fragmented and I think to solve this problem you should combine them together
•there are some grammar errors
•there needs to be more elaboration in some of the subjects. What were the characteristics that earned him MVP (Most Valuable Player),not including the points he scored. What is the football team like? Add some more detail!

I hope this helped! Keep writing!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
15
15
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Videobob,

This is a great preface to a developing story. I also have family who served in both the Army and the Air Force in WWII, who have peaked my interest in this topic. I hope you continue with this story, and I will be waiting for the following chapters of this book!!!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
16
16
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Aliauthor,

Wow! This is amazing! I really liked the transition from present day to the past during the Holocaust! The descriptions were so vivid in my mind creating beautiful, but sad imagery! Thank you for sharing!

Sincerely,
Alpha_Gal
17
17
Review of Holocaust Escape  Open in new Window.
Review by Alpha_Gal Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Hannah!

I REALLY enjoyed this story! I appreciated this point of view on the night of Kristallnacht, a child and family fleeing the Nazis. I am new here and this is the first story I have read on this website! :) I appreciate that I can find other writers that have a similar interest in writing about the Holocaust and/or WWII.
This a beautifully written piece and I have a helpful tip for your next writing (and I hope you continue to post fiction). The grammar is very good! I would suggest combining some sentences together because some seem fragmented. That's the only tip! :)
Again, fabulous job! I hope that you write/post more soon!

Sincerely,
Alpha-Gal
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