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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/haleyg88
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134 Public Reviews Given
134 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful piece. The last line of the second stanza seems it could have been worded better- seems a little sucked out the pen. And I don't think you need the ellipses at the end of the third stanza.
Other than those tiny things, I think the piece is beautifully written. It flows nicely and evokes the feeling of awe and wonderment- nice job.
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Review of Blur  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very nice imagery and visualization here. I do feel like the reader is left with a rather abrupt ending. You had such a wonderfully painted introduction, it seems a shame to snatch it up with a no conclusion. Fade it out the way it faded in and I think your readers will thank you for it.
Overall, great style- I like how even I felt a little confused, much like your main character here. Keep up the good work and practice on finishing as well as you begin :)

-H.M.
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Review of Paper World.  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very thought provoking. I liked the immediate jump into the father's head- you wasted no time getting to the point which made your piece that much more poignant. Great work :)

-H.M.
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Review of An Acrostic Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ha very clever! Small, tiny notes: "Every one" in your second stanza is actually one word. And I'm having trouble understanding that whole line. I'm also having trouble understanding the fourth line of the third stanza. I would love for you to enlighten me!
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Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your word choice here is interesting... very true to the culture. It is a little hard to grasp the images I see you creating, but I think that may have more to do with limitations in this style of poetry rather than your limitations as a poet. Try to find a way to say exactly what you mean- leaving no question in the reader's mind that THIS is the image you intended.
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Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Absolutely beautiful. The rhythm seemed a little off in some places but the whole concept of your poem is deep, insightful, and well executed. Nice work!

-H.M.
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Review of Sorrow  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Nice imagery, but why is it rated 18+?
Beginning with "and" makes it feel as if there was something we've missed before. Rhythmically, it doesn't sound like your line needs the word "and" specifically- I would suggest re-working the beginning to grab the reader more quickly rather than have it read as if we're seeing the last half of this piece.
Other than that tiny thing, great work. You really captured a raw emotion here- well done.
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Review of Lie  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
wonderful! even though there were no "stanzas" i still felt the rhythm of the piece. and great job translating to the reader what was going on in your mind. so many times, I read poetry where the poet keeps this... artistic secret and he/she won't let you in on it- but you described and explained everything so nicely. great work :)

-H.M.

p.s. last line, you misspelled "lyer"- it's liar
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Review of The Veteran  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Incredibly beautiful and moving. You told a complete story from beginning to end and developed your young vet so well that I truly connected with him. Gave me chills at the end- wonderful work :)
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Review of Shadow Running  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Really wonderful piece! Even before I read your closing paragraphs, I could feel the religious undertones in your story- it almost sounded like an old native american tale in a way. My only suggestion is to incorporate formatting in your next work. It's a tiny detail but it can really help drive home your important points if done correctly. Very nice work. Your message is a good and true one. Keep writing!
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Review of Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The second and third stanza don't quite match the rhythm in the first and last stanzas. I think you suffer from trying to say too much. You can say the same things (even use many of the same word choices) but with less words. That will help cut down the length of lines, making your rhythm consistent throughout your piece.
Fantastic work. I really love the subject matter and how you call out your reader (or whoever this is addressed to) at the end. Really great :) Fix the few rhythmic problems and it's golden!
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Review of The Clock  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very good beginning! I want to know what happens next! My only suggestion would be to take your time pulling your audience along in this story. Really describe that catch on the clock and the ornate clock design. Obviously, it's special since it flung open and released cold air, knocking our heroine unconscious. Make us really afraid when the guards enter, etc. The basis is fantastic, just elaborate more and give us more to chew on :) Great work!
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Review of losing sight  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tragically beautiful. I like the comparison of night and day to the ups and downs of relationships. Sometimes, we're in darkness and sometimes we're in the sun. Beautiful imagery- great job!
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Review of A Day on the Farm  Open in new Window.
Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I'm not sure I get it haha, but it's really clever! I enjoyed reading it- it was still funny to read what the roosters were thinking. A smart way to express another point of view :)
My only suggestion is to add a little more set up to your dialogue. You could have done a lot with the imagery in this scene.
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Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Incredible! Such a beautiful way to write of something so tragic. I love the perspective you have for Eli and how you make us connect with him- making his death that much more emotional. Great work. I think the beginning could use some tightening up. There isn't anything in the first paragraph that I didn't get in his first letter home. Maybe add some extra details to the letter and I think you could totally do without the first three paragraphs. I wasn't grabbed right away by the opening section- the letter would snatch up your reader much quicker. That's just a style choice of mine though so take it with a grain of salt! Love your work.

-H

Check out my newest short story, "Noble"! Feedback is always appreciated
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Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful- incredibly engaging.
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Review by H.M. Godwin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
It grabs me right away and makes me want to keep reading! But at the end, I felt more confused when I really wanted chills running down my spine. You definitely have a gift for grabbing your audience, just make sure you fill them in on the whole story. We want to know! Great work
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