Good little story here, although I do think that the sexual scene might be more effective if drawn out a bit. It seems rather rushed, almost like it was an afterthought to the whole story or something. Even separating the one long paragraph into two or three smaller ones and expanding them a little bit might help. I was also a bit thrown by the random bold lettering, which seemed to only show up occasionally when there was dialogue. Still an enjoyable read overall though.
Nice little fantasy here. Very erotic idea, the imaginary or invisible lover who disappears if we try to see them. I also like how you enhanced the story with sensory descriptions and things we can picture to set the scene, ex: full moon, cold night, crisp air, smoky single-malt, etc.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harlequinrose
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:44pm on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
